Parish Mission Our Lady of Mt. Carmel February 20, 2012

1. “How to Stay in Love” Parish MissionOur Lady of Mt. CarmelFebruary 20, 2012

2. Welcome and Prayer

3. Review • Falling in Love • 1) Something attracts us • 2) Then we get to know the person through: • Spending time with them • Sharing • Listening • With God this is done through prayer and study

4. Love Deepens • Eventually the love grows and deepens beyond the physical level • Two people share a bond that will lead them to a sense of permanence • “In good times and bad, in sickness and health, I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.” (Till death do us part) • This can be true in marriage, friendship and with God • This is agape love, unconditional, sacrificial love that will make it through any struggle • That is why this relationship is so important

5. What is the depth of my love? • Story of a man visiting his wife every day

6. Honeymoon is Over • As we talked about last night, this initial stage of falling in love is often exhilarating and we don’t often see the defects of the other, or we look past them • But there comes a point in any relationship where difficult times come • Even with God, we can lose faith, hope and trust

7. The Cross • Luke 9:23 • Jesus warned us, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” • He can be a poor marketing manager • But He is preparing us for reality • Life is a challenge • But there is hope – all things are possible with God!

8. James 1:12 Blessed is the man who perseveres in trial, for when he has been proved he will receive the crown of life that he promised to those who love him.

9. Crosses in Relationships • What are some of the crosses or trials that we bear in relationships that make it difficult to stay in love? • Betrayal, lies, deceit, lack of forgiveness • Boredom, daily routine, spark is gone • Fall out of love, grow apart • Lack of communication • One person wants to make it work • Idiosyncrasies drive you crazy

10. Strengthening the Bond • Before we address the crosses, how do we strengthen the bond? • Communication, self-revelation • Reconciliation • Learn the Love Languages of the other • Make the Decision to Love Forever • Dying to Self, compromise, living for the other • Hang out with others who will support your marriage and faith

11. Communication, self-revelation • How much time does the average couple spend in “real” communication each day? • How much time do we spend in communication with God each day? • Talk about things that matter • Speak from the heart • How was your day? “Fine” • I know this isn’t easy, but it can be learned

12. Communication, self-revelation(cont.) • Pirate Prayer – ARRR • A – acknowledge what is going on in your heart (self-awareness) • R – relate what is going on in your heart • R – receive – listen to the other • R – respond – every prayer requires a response • You can do this with God and with loved ones • Sharing feelings and emotions strengthens the bond at a deep level

13. Communication, self-revelation(cont.) • Touch base throughout the day • Phone call – “I was thinking about you…” • Notes – “Have a blessed day…” • St. Paul – 1 Thessalonians 5:17 – “Pray unceasingly” • This does not mean we are on our knees 24-7 • In every moment we can speak to God from the heart • We are called to live in unceasing union with God, like when we think about our loved ones throughout the day

14. Reconciliation • Ephesians 4:26 – “Be angry and do not sin: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” • Story of couple married 61 years… • Seek forgiveness • This requires humility • Maybe I’m not always right… “Which do you prefer – to be right or alone?”

15. Reconciliation (cont.) • Seek the mercy of God regularly • How often should we go to confession? • My story of confession • Satan wants us to keep everything buried • Jesus wants us to bring it to the Light • Be specific and do not be afraid • Don’t wait • Jesus awaits us with open arms • How should this affect the way we forgive one another?

16. Compliment and Encourage • What is most important in a relationship for women? • To feel safe, protected, cherished • What is most important in a relationship for men? • To feel admired, respected • Take time to get build up your spouse, friends in this way…

17. Love Languages • Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a great book on the 5 love languages: • Words of Affirmation • Receiving gifts • Quality Time • Acts of Service • Physical Touch • What is your love language? • Story of how this can be misunderstood…

18. Love Languages of God • Words of Affirmation – I love you, you are mine • Receiving gifts – answered prayers, blessings, mercy, Sacraments • Quality Time - prayer • Acts of Service – God works through others • Physical Touch – Sacraments, touch of others (Jesus touching the leper) • How do I like to give and receive love from God and others?

19. Importance of Permanence • It is important in all of our close relationships to come to a point of making the relationship permanent • Make the decision to love forever • Marriage – this is done through vows • Priesthood – done through vows • Friendship – I am committed to this friendship. If I offend you, it is not intentional. Let’s talk about it and work through it. • Mother Theresa – “We are called to be faithful, not successful.”

20. Marriage • What are the goals of marriage? • To help your spouse get to heaven. • If God blesses you with children, to help them get to heaven as well. • Marriage is a Sacrament because it is a reflection of Christ’s love for the Church – laying down your life for the other. • Difference between a contract and covenant: • Contract – exchange of goods, services • Covenant – exchange of persons (the two shall become one)

21. Mass is a Covenant • What is happening at Mass? • It is a renewal of the “new and eternal covenant” that Jesus made on the cross between Him and us. • “I give my life up for you so that you might have life.” • What is our response? • Thanksgiving for the gift of the Other • Eucharist - Thanksgiving • When we receive Communion, we are saying YES to this covenant. The two shall become one. • Baldacchino – covering to mark a sacred spot. Used for altars and beds. The altar is the place where God desires to become one with us – Communion.

22. "The Eucharist is the Sacrament of Love; It signifies Love, It produces love. The Eucharist is the consummation of the whole spiritual life."--Saint Thomas Aquinas

23. Hang out with good people • It is important to have friends that will support you in your marriage and faith • If you hang out with single-minded people, they are not going to support your marriage • The same is true with faith. Small Christian communities will support you in your faith

24. Prayer • Pray together as a couple and/or family • Prayers before meals – don’t be ashamed to pray in public restaurants • Read Scripture together • Pray the rosary together • The family that prays together stays together • This is the most intimate thing we can do • Intimacy is meeting the other person at the deepest level of the heart • Prayer is going to bind our hearts to Jesus as well • Super-glue of relationships • Doesn’t have to be profound

25. Study • Learn about one another • We can never reach the depths of another person, keep searching • Don’t say, “I know you” and dismiss them • The same is true with Jesus and at a greater depth • We can never know Jesus to His core • Read Scripture • Read lives of the Saints • Read books that are going to deepen your knowledge and love of God

26. Unconditional Love • You shall love the Lord with your whole mind (study), with your whole heart and with your whole soul (prayer). • These dynamics are true with any relationship. • It will lead to unconditional love • No conditions • We can make it through anything TOGETHER • TRUST is built

27. Unconditional Love of Jesus • Where do we see most beautifully the unconditional love of Jesus? • Jesus on the cross • There are no ulterior motives • There is no holding back • I will love you to the last drop of my blood • We can trust Him • Have you been hurt by others? Jesus will never abandon you or hurt you. • This is where love is purified. • Spend time gazing at Jesus on the cross

29. Memory • Be arrested by this beauty over and over again • To stay in love with God, it is not a magic trick, but a decision to remember • “Do this in memory of me…” • We too should remember when we first fell in love with the other person

30. Who has your heart? • St. Augustine – “My heart is restless until it rests in thee.” • Mother Theresa – “The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread. “ • “The things that we love tell us what we are.” --Saint Thomas Aquinas • We try to fill the void in our hearts with other things. • We are temporarily filled and start to look for me. • This is how addictions start.

31. To Whom shall we go? • John 6:68 • After the Eucharist was explained, many left Jesus • “To whom shall we go, you have the words of everlasting life.” • If you don’t work at staying in love with Jesus, to whom shall we turn? • Do I seek things other than Christ to fill my deepest desires? • If we don’t work at staying in love with our loved ones, to whom shall we turn? • I choose to stay in love with you forever

32. So how do we get through: • Betrayal, lies, deceit, lack of forgiveness • As the one who offends: • Seek forgiveness through humility • Build up the trust again • As the one who was offended: • Remember what brought you together • Think of Jesus forgiving Peter for his betrayal Story with Hutch

33. So how do we get through: • Boredom, daily routine, spark is gone • Fall out of love, grow apart • Lack of communication • Date nights • Invest the time • Don’t let work, children, life get in the way of this relationship • The same is true for our relationship with God • Invest at least in one hour each week in prayer • Some time each day

34. So how do we get through: • One person wants to make it work • If we are investing in this relationship daily, the spark will remain • Both people will have an interest in keeping this going • With God, He is always ready to forgive, love, heal • It is up to us if we want to make this work • What will motivate you to invest in this relationship? • Don’t wait until it is too late

35. So how do we get through: • Idiosyncrasies drive you crazy • Remember what brought you together • Don’t press their buttons constantly • Realize we all have our own little things that drive others crazy • Mercy • Do you think Jesus gets tired of us? • What do I do that would drive the Lord crazy? • How can I grow in patience and understanding of others?

36. Bumps in the Road • As you get to know Jesus, you also realize how far we are from what He expects of us. • Romans 3:23 – “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” • Story of windshield • We also realize that we try to make God into our image and likeness • Has God let you down? • Story of Mom • If our love for Jesus hasn’t grown beyond the initial stages, when tough times come, we blame God or we stop investing time. • But true love has formed a bond of self-donation beyond the emotions– “I will love you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, til death do us part.”

37. Growing Old Together • What happens when couples have been together a long time? • They start to look alike. • They finish one another’s sentences and thoughts. • They dress alike, talk alike. • They can be in a room together and say nothing and be united as one.

38. Growing Old Together • What happens when we have been together with Jesus for a long time? • We start to look alike – people see Jesus in us • We finish one another’s sentences and thoughts – Scripture comes to mind to help others in difficult times • We can be in a room together and say nothing and be united as one - Contemplation

39. Recommendations to Stay in Love • Invest the Time • This takes hard work and discipline • A little bit each day will prevent the emergency later • Do the little things that matter • Humility, vulnerability, dying to self • Spend time contemplating Jesus on the cross – He will purify your love

40. Fr. Burke’s daily blog • www.frburke23.wordpress.com