Interpersonal, Resilient, Respectful…PRICELESS! Teaching the Qualities Employers Want

Interpersonal, Resilient, Respectful …PRICELESS!Teaching the Qualities Employers Want that are Hardest to Teach Bob Orndorff – Penn State University Careers Conference – January 25, 2010

Key to Professional Success at all Stages:Heightened Self-Awareness • Choosing a career (interests, skills) • Getting a job (selling points) • Succeeding on the job (success factors) • Being an Effective Leader (3-culture study)

Self-Awareness & Management • Shipper et al (2003): International Journal of Organizational Analysis: More self-aware managers rated as more effective managers in 3 cultures (United States, United Kingdom, Malaysia) • Key to All Success = Being realistic and honest with who we are – strengths & weaknesses • Watch this clip from our Seinfeld Friends as an example of NOT being realistic or self-aware…

The 7 Success Factors • Communication Skills • Interpersonal Skills • Teamwork • Honesty & Integrity • Strong Work Ethic • Motivation/Initiative • Managing Adversity NACE Job Outlook Surveys, 2001 – 2010

5-Part Training SeminarActivities & Demo’s along the way • Becoming Interpersonally Strong • Managing Interpersonal Adversity • Cultivating Teamwork • Building Character • Marketing the Soft Skills

The Importance of Interpersonal Skills • 94% Training Executives confirm importance • Top two Skills in NACE’s surveys

“Interpersonal Effectiveness”… a simple definition: “Treating people in a way that makes them feel special or appreciated.”

Interpersonal AFFECT “They may not remember what you said or what you did, but they’ll always remember the way you made them feel.” --Unknown

Special Treatment • The little things matter • Chris’s Ice Tea & Tom the mortgage guy • Fleck’s Head Tilt and “REALLY?” • Steve Rothrock’s special hand-shake

Building Relationships • What comes to mind as the most important interpersonal quality in building positive relationships? • Why?

Interpersonal Foundation:Building Blocks for Strong Relationships • Read the environment • Be sensitive to feelings of others • Respect differences • Confront tactfully • Be genuine and consistent • Actively Listen

ACTIVITY Writing a Letter of Recommendation

PENNSYLVANIA SYSTEM OF SCHOOL ASSESSMENT Fall 2005 GRADE 6 WRITING PROMPT SHEET PROMPT #2 You will have one class period (but no more than 60 minutes if your class is longer) to plan, write and proofread your response, making any necessary corrections. READ THE ENTIRE PROMPT CAREFULLY As you write your paper, remember to: - Clearly state your opinion about the topic - Include specific facts, details, reasons, and/or examples to convince the city officials. - Present your ideas in a clear and logical order, including and introduction, body and conclusion - Use a variety of words and well - constructed sentences to create tone and voice. - Correct errors in capitalization, punctuation, sentence formation, spelling and usage. A friend/peer has asked you to write a letter of recommendation for the position of Director of Public Relations. Write to persuade the CEO of the company to hire your co–worker because of the interpersonal skills he possesses.

Introduction Scott – best man for the job – great interpersonal skills. He’s conscientious, active listener, humble, great sense of humor. T.S. He’s conscientious T.S. Active Listener T.S. Humble and great sense of humor D (Prove it) Time I broke my leg D Asked about parents’ divorce D Team captain, gets A’s, never brags D (Prove it) Helped kids on the bus D Always had time, his issues aside D Laughs at himself D (Prove it) Named president asked Jeremy to be VP D Follow – up questions D Concussion from football C.S. Understands people’s feelings C.S. Listens and makes me laugh C.S. Nothing bad said about him Conclusion Scott – right man for the job – Good fit into your company and the dept. of PR. Gets along with everyone.

To whom it may concern: Being asked to write a letter for Scott Hess is a compliment that fills me with a great sense of pride. This young man has been a classmate and friend of mine for the past 10 years, and we have shared many positive experiences together. Because of Scott’s exemplary interpersonal skills, he has a special talent of bringing the best out in people, and that is what he has done for me. I know he would bring the best out of any employee or client you have for many reasons. First and foremost, Scott is a very conscientious person who truly cares about people and their feelings. Whenever I have had a problem in the past, Scott volunteered to take me to my appointments. In my junior year I broke my leg skiing and couldn’t drive, so Scott volunteered to take me to every one of my doctor’s appointments after school. The doctor’s office was completely in the other end of town, but he never complained. Another example of Scott’s sensitivity is the time when students were “picking on” a shy student on the bus, and Scott intervened and coaxed everyone stop. This leader started sitting beside the younger boy on a daily basis and the timid freshman was never was hassled again. When Scott won the close student counsel election, President Hess asked his ex – opponent (who was devastated by the tough loss) if she would like to work with him as vice – president to soften the blow. The new V.P. and he work very well as a team. When it comes to knowing people and their feelings, Scott has a six – sense. Because of Scott’s caring attitude, he wants to know and listen to the daily problems that people have and does all of the correct things an active listener should do. As a result of his caring attitude, he asks people constantly how they are, and he, unlike other peers of mine, actually sticks around for the answer. For example, when my parents were going through their divorce, Scott could tell the times I was “down in the dumps”. He constantly pushed his issues aside and would stop me in the halls to talk about my problem with me. I could always tell he was listening because he would always ask follow – up questions and make statements that pertained to my difficult situation. He would always make me feel better with a joke or a kind word after I was done pouring my emotions out to him. The combination of his great sense humor and his unique humility makes Scott a wonderful person without knowing it. He has the humble ability to laugh at himself without sounding or seeming insecure. One time he received a concussion in a football game and he said that it was his fault. “ A dumb guy like me shouldn’t use his head too much, especially for tackling 230 pound running backs,” he stated chuckling. His unique humor supported by his humbleness, are a great one – two punch for Scott’s terrific personality. As a result of these two assets, I have never heard one person say one bad comment about him. Great companies need great people who have wonderful interpersonal skills like Scott Hess. He would be a wonderful addition for any “arm” of a business, but I see him excelling in your company’s public relations department because of the wonderful people skills he possesses. Sincerely, Rich Hunter

Let’s focus in on the most underrated interpersonal skill: Actively Listen More important now than ever EXERCISE: 3 – 1 in middle

Evidence for Importance of Listening • Haas and Arnold (1995) Listening plays a central role in how coworkers assess one another’s communication effectiveness • Interruptions in the course of listening by professionals had negative consequences for how they were perceived and how much information they obtained (Nyquist 1996, McComb & Jablin, 1984)

Components of Good Listening • Attending: Clearing mind, full commitment (Ex: Emailing while listening) • Patience: Waiting for speaker to finish • Stay Focused on Talker, and DON’T BEGIN: • Rehearsing: Your attention is on preparing your next comment • Identifying: You are busy thinking about your similar experiences • Non-verbal awareness: eye contact, face the person, nodding • Active Listening: Contrary to Bud ad, paraphrasing feelings and thoughts • follow-up questions

ACTIVITYPractice Active Listening • Pair UP • Take turns telling partner about your favorite hobby or leisure activity • Listener: Utilize the “Components of Good Listening” slide (I’ll put it up on the screen)

Components of Good Listening • Attending: Clearing mind, full commitment (Ex: Emailing while listening) • Patience: Waiting for speaker to finish • Stay Focused on Talker, and DON’T BEGIN: • Rehearsing: Your attention is on preparing your next comment • Identifying: You are busy thinking about your similar experiences • Non-verbal awareness: eye contact, face the person, nodding • Active Listening: Contrary to Bud ad, paraphrasing feelings and thoughts • follow-up questions

Big Group Discussion • When you were the talker: What did it feel like to be actively listened to? • When you were the listener: What did it feel like to actively listen? • Does listening help build positive interpersonal relationships? • How can we get students to become better listeners?

Relevant Research • Your Personality can get you fired more than job performance • Fools Vs. Jerks • Leadership – Nice Guys Finish First

So What is a PITA? • The Problem PITA • Pain In The Ass • The Good PITA • Professionals Increasing Their Awareness • The PITA Metaphor = Brings levity • You can adjust the language to be more appropriate for kids/teens • Use the words that describe each PITA

The 7 Types of PITAs in the Workplace

The Sealed PITA Closed off and defensive Not open to criticism; Deflects negative feedback Doesn’t own deficit areas; insecure Has difficulty accepting weaknesses in staff reviews Blames others during conflicts; not their fault Famous Sealed PITAs Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane (Cheers) Angela Martin (The Office) Marie Barone (Everybody Loves Raymond) The Sealed PITA Theme Song: Know any?

The Overstuffed PITA Self-absorbed; full of himself Attention hungry; always in the limelight Aggressively Self-promoting Boastful and conceited Famous Overstuffed PITAs Alex P. Keaton (Family Ties) Dr. Frasier Crane (Cheers/Frasier) Donald Trump (The Apprentice) The Overstuffed PITA Theme Song: Know any?

The Sloppy PITA Disorganized Doesn’t attend to Detail; Not precise Thoughts and ideas are all over the place Unclear and not concise in explaining things Doesn’t follow through Famous Sloppy PITAs Oscar Madison (The Odd Couple) Randolph Dupree (You, Me, and Dupree) Del Griffith (Planes, Trains and Automobiles) The Sloppy PITA Theme Song: Know any?

The Crusty PITA Negative and Cynical; mean-spirited Growls at the world; Grouchy Cuts down ideas & bad-mouths people Sees the glass half-empty; Pessimistic Famous Crusty PITAs Archie Bunker (All in the Family) Al Bundy (Married with Children) Roseanne Conner (Roseanne) The Crusty PITA Theme Song: Know any?

The Soggy PITA Whiny, constantly complaining Needy, High Maintenance Needs to process unpleasant occurrences Afraid of confronting issues head-on Needs a lot of reassurance Famous Soggy PITAs George Costanza (Seinfeld) Ally McBeal (Ally McBeal) Ross Geller (Friends) The Soggy PITA Theme Song: Know any?

The Rigid PITAThe Make-Your-Own PITA Picky and particular; perfectionist Stubborn – digs in deep and holds ground Inflexible and rigid; tight Not willing to compromise Famous Rigid PITAs Sally Albright (When Harry Met Sally) Felix Ungar (The Odd Couple) Monica Gellar (Friends) The Rigid PITA Theme Song: Know any?

The Royal PITA Spoiled; got everything handed to him Entitled; deserves everything now Self-centered; ego-centric Oblivious to how others see him Famous Royal PITAs Charlie Harper (Two and a Half Men) Sharpay Evans (High School Musical) Ferris Bueller (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off) The Royal PITA Theme Song: Know any?

Combo PITA A combination of two or more types of PITAs EXAMPLE: Crusty-Rigid PITA

Now that you’ve learned about the different types of PITAS … We’re now going to move into ways of dealing with adversity in the workplace

Revise Work Scenario to Apply more to Students • We’ll go through this case study as it were for you as adults in the workplace, but … • Could make this a school activity rather than a work/professional development activity • Discussion questions would be tailored to a student audience • Again, you could easily take out any inappropriate language

Breakout Discussion Questions • What makes Albert such a PITA to work with? • What are some coping strategies to work more effectively with a Crusty PITA? • You’re now the supervisor of this Crusty PITA: How would you coach the PITA in your work scenario to be less Crusty? • From the other 6 types of PITAs (refer to handout), which PITA is most difficult for YOU to work with? Why? • What PITA tendency do YOU have that has the potential for hurting a team? (the good PITA!) • What have you done, or what can you do to keep it in check? • At least one volunteer per group

So how can we Cope with PITAs? • We’d need another whole session to discuss the coping strategies for each type of PITA … because you need to deal with each type of PITA differently • There are detailed coping strategies in our book

Here are some general Tips for coping with PITAs • Rise above it … it’s not about you, it’s about them; Don’t get defensive (ex. Car pulls out) • Be respectful and kind; use honey, not vinegar; two wrongs don’t make a right • Be willing to compromise: lose a battle once in a while to win the war • Address the PITAs directly without putting them on the defensive; need to confront! • Consult with a trusted coworker or supervisor when you’re not getting anywhere

So what can we do about our PITA Tendencies? • Own your PITA Tendencies … you’re halfway there! • Identify work situations and/or people that tend to bring these tendencies out • Determine ways to keep your PITA tendencies in check • Make concrete adjustments • EXAMPLE: 3 Overstuffed PITAs at a Q & A session

Closing Remarks • Don’t write any of your colleagues off • They’re human beings and worth the effort • There are good things that come from every type of PITA … even the Crusty (refreshing) • Ex. Chicken Debris • Appreciate and Respect Differences among your coworkers … we’re all so different …

ACTIVITY Assessing Interpersonal Skills and Ability to Manage Adversity Through Peer Evaluation

PEER FEEDBACK • Reflect on your peer’s interpersonal skills and ability to manage adversity (constructive criticism). • 1. “What is one aspect you like about your writing?” • A. Did she/he use great interpersonal skills to answer the question? Which specific skills did he/she use? • B. Were they humble when they talked about what they liked about his/her writing. (Humility) • C. Did your peer use eye contact while speaking with you? (Communication + listening skills) • D. Was your peer’s answer clearly stated? (communication skills) • 2. “One aspect of your writing you need to improve would be ____________________” • A. How would you say this in a tactful way? (Tact + Diplomacy) • B. How did your peer “handle” this constructive criticism? (Open mindedness) • C. While she/he was talking how many times did you catch yourself drifting? (Active listening) • D. Did you reel yourself back into the conversation (active listener) • E. Did you use follow – up questions or comments to prove to your peer that you were listening? (active listener) • F. How did your peer show that she was listening to you? (Active listener) • G. Did you end positively? (Handshake and a smile)

Qualities of a “Team Player” • DISCUSS and SHARE Qualities • Believes in the common goals of the team or school • Works effectively together with other team members • Is unselfish • Subordinates his or her own part or self interests for the team

How to Become a Team Player • Use your interpersonal skills • Value the differences among teammates (styles, skills, etc.) • Diversity makes teams stronger! • Basketball Team example • Respect your coworkers and address issues/concerns directly • Bad Example: email tattling • Managing conflicts well is the ultimate team player …

Managing Conflicts • Have the courage to confront • Know WHERE & WHEN to Confront • DISCUSSION on where & when • Know HOW to confront • DISCUSSION on how • The effects of hitting someone below the belt can last a very long time … • The Fence

TEAMWORK EXERCISE

Teamwork Exercise • I need 11 Volunteers • Assign 1 “Grid Master” (GM) • Audience = Teamwork Observers (TO) • All remaining 10 Team Players must figure out the chosen path and move from one side of the grid to the other – one at a time … WITHOUT TALKING • GM will “Whistle” you when you step on a square that’s NOT on the path • TO’s will watch for and record both positive and negative teamwork characteristics among Team Players

DiscussionTeamwork Exercise • Highlights from Team Players • Describe what it was like • What did you do well as a team? • What did you do not so well? • Highlights from Team Observers • Positive Teamwork observations • Not so positive Teamwork observations • What roles did various Team Players play? Who played what roles? • Other observations from TO’s? • Main take-aways or themes from Teamwork Exercise?

Interpersonal, Resilient, Respectful…PRICELESS! Teaching the Qualities Employers Want