Parenting by the Book

1. Parenting by the Book Chapter 2: Postmodern Psychological Parenting

2. “See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.” Colossians 2:8

3. Taken from pg 65

4. “Yes, one’s childhood experiences have an influence on the adult the child becomes, but the influence is far from predictable. The child is not father to the man. Negative childhood experiences do not necessarily predestine adult problems any more than a wonderful childhood predicts a blissful adulthood.” (34) “Ironically, Freud’s most significant contribution to present day parenting is guilt, infections of which tend to sing out mothers.” (35) Freud Bites the Dust

5. “Grandma knew that the most powerful shaping force in a person’s life was the force of the person’s own free will…Grandmas also understood …(that) people were fully responsible for the choices they made…Grandma also knew that she could not be a good enough parent to guarantee that her children would never do anything despicable, disgusting, or depraved—that the power of their choosing was more powerful than the power of her parenting.” (35) Grandma Had it Right

6. How has Freudian thinking, the idea that one slip up on your part and they are off to jail, influenced your parenting? • Do you agree that guilt in parents has increased because of Freudian theory? Discussion

7. “Grandma knew that every child came into the world bearing a nature that was already corrupt, depraved; that each and every child was a natural-born criminal; and that to steer the little criminal in a prosocial direction required a combination of powerful love and powerful discipline.” (37) The Little Criminal

8. Three beliefs…of the criminal/sociopath mind-set: • What I want, I deserve to have (entitlement) • Because I am entitled to what I want, the ends justify the means (pragmatism) • The rules do not apply to me; therefore, no one has a right to deny me or stand in my way (narcissism) (pg 38) The Criminal Mindset

9. “Psychology cannot explain why, as soon as a child begins to master the power of language, he begins to lie.” (41) Adam and Eve as full-grown toddlers “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” Psalm 51:5 Raging Against the (Parental) Machine

10. “The truth is that before one can teach a child the whys and wherefores of right behavior, one must force wrong behavior to stop…This force requires two things: parents who communicate to the child that they will not tolerate hitting, lying, stealing, and destroying; and consequences that are potent enough to form permanent memories.” (43-44) Force is a prerequisite to teaching. (44) Grandchild story (44-45) Reaching the Unteachable

11. “I advise parents of infants to prepare themselves for the Little Criminal’s bursting upon the scene, and when he does, to make it clear to him from day one that they do not exist to please him, that they are not going to obey him, that, in fact, it’s the other way around.” (46) The Awakening

12. Do you think he is right that we should view our children as “little criminals”? • Does it seem true, in your experience, that force is a prerequisite to teaching? Discussion

13. “Humanistic psychology’s second contribution to PPP is the idea that high self-esteem is desirable—essential, in fact, to personal happiness—and parents should do everything in their power to help their children acquire it.” (49) “Self-esteem” literally means “to think highly of oneself.” Self-Esteem

14. “Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.’” -Matt 16:24 “So the last will be first, and the first will be last.” -Matt 20:16 For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” -Luke 14:11 Self-Esteem

15. “There is simply no way to square Jesus' teachings with the notion that high self-esteem is a good and wonderful thing that parents should pursue on behalf of their children.” (51) “…people with high self-esteem tend to have low self-control, especially when they aren’t getting their way. They don’t handle defeat or disappointment very well. Why? Because…they think they are entitled to always be the winner.” (52) Self-Esteem

16. Criminals have high self-esteem. Hitler had high self esteem “Common sense says that the higher one’s self-esteem, the lower will be one’s regard for the rights of others, including, in extreme instances, their very right to life.” (53) Self-Esteem

17. Leaders vs. Followers High level of confidence not necessarily a good thing Depression is connected more with those with high self-esteem The opposite of high self-esteem is not depression but humility. (59) Self-Esteem

18. “Praising and rewarding children for a job well done—say, coloring—may cause certain children to stop performing altogether.” (63) He finds reward and punishment as manipulative The Behaviorists

19. Taken from pg 65