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The Industry Is Stuck Until All Us Old-Farts Retire…

This article discusses the challenges faced by the aging database industry and the increasing popularity of the web, particularly XML, among younger generations. It explores the clash between traditional database practices and the evolving web technologies.

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The Industry Is Stuck Until All Us Old-Farts Retire…

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  1. The Industry Is Stuck Until All Us Old-Farts Retire… Pat Helland Junior Old-Fart Microsoft Corporation

  2. Aging and Death Is Good for Society My Great-Grandmother Had a 5-Star (2 Shitter) Outhouse My 15 Year Old Grandson Lives forIM, VOIP, and Shoot-Em-Up Games Today’s Students Are Trying to Understand SQL By Mapping It to XML When They Give a Crap About SQL at All… Studies of SQL Gradually Moving to History Department

  3. Confessions of an OLTP-Guy I Worshipped Serializability What’s with This Degree-2 Consistency Crap? I Worshipped High-Concurrency Natural Selection Would Take Care of Believers in Optimistic Concurrency Control I Believed This Long-Running Crap Is an Application Problem Didn’t Those App Developers Understandthe Truth and Wisdom of ACID Transactions?

  4. Anything in the Database Can Be Changedat Any Time for Any Reason Observations About My DB Friends God Gave Us DDL The Advantages of Tightly Defined SchemaAre Obvious to All Sentient Beings… There’s Normalization and There’s EVIL Anything in the Database Can Be Changedat Any Time for Any Reason God Gave Us UPDATE WHERE… What’s That Funny Encapsulation Crap theObject Weenies Keep Talking About???

  5. XML == The Web == Life Documents Accrete Day by Day, Year by Year, New DocumentsAre Appended to the Web People Are Learning to Leave Old DocumentsIntact and Add New Versions… Schema? We Don’t Need No Stinking Schema! Documents May or May Not Have Meaningful Schema Even If We Had One, We’d Use Extensions… The Kids Live and Breathe XML It Is Cool, It Is Happening, It IS the Web We Are Going the Way of Ozzie and Harriet…

  6. Entrenched Liberalism The Liberals Conquered During the 1960s During the 1970s,Tolerance and Acceptance Became Mainstream Yuppies Conquered During the 1980s To Heck with Tolerance and Acceptance, How Do I Get My BMW? The Parents of the Yuppies Were Intolerant of Their Intolerance The Relational Folks Conquered During the 1980s Tight Schema, Value-Based, Goodness, Light, and Happiness Our Children Are Just Using the Web… They Are Ignoring Our Brilliance… They Don’t Understand That God Is on OUR SIDE! We MUST Fight Them!

  7. Old Farts of the World Unite! We Can and Must Stop This!

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