Waterford Institute of Technology

1. Waterford Institute of Technology Department of Applied Arts Waterford Institute of Technology Helping men to care: Working with multiple masculinities and fathers Gender and Child Welfare: 3rd Interdisciplinary ConferenceFergus Hogan & Harry Ferguson

2. Centre for Social and Family Research Researching men’s lives, masculinities and fatherhood A strategic focus on better understanding men’s lives, masculinities and fatherhood ° strengthening families through fathers ° men, sex and crisis pregnancy ° fathering from prison ° shared parenting ° older men’s lives ° father work and family time

3. Reflecting on men as fathers? ° remembering our own fathers ° what type of man was he? ° what did he talk with you about? ° how did he spend time with you? ° what would you have like him to do…differently? Are men essentially important in children’s lives?

4. Social work practice with men and fathers • Moving beyond deficit discourses on men and fathers • uncaring, unable, unwilling, unavailable • Towards generative fathering • a strengths based approach to researching best practice with men and fathers

5. The gendered division of caring ° the Natural Mother ° the Unable Father ° “Your mother knows best” ° “Wait till you father gets home” ° Nurturing women ° The attitudinal ‘un’ of men

6. The social construction of masculinity ° No sissy stuff ° Be a big wheel ° Be a sturdy oak ° “Give em hell!”

7. Men’s Talk! ° strengthening families through fathers ° men, sex and crisis pregnancy ° fathering from prison ° shared parenting ° reintegrating ex prisoners

8. Bodies matter: embodied masculinities

9. Strengthening families through fathers • Commissioned by • the department of social and • family affairs • Qualitative study with in-depth • Interviews • 24 vulnerable fathers • 12 mothers • 12 children • 20 professionals

10. Excluding fathers from social work practice • Few men around, it’s mainly single – parent mothers • Working class men slow to change • Men as difficult, dangerous • Enough to do working with mothers • There need to be obvious benefits to including men

11. Dynamics of leaving fathers out: Men and fathers actively avoiding social works “ well it mightn’t be even an attitude that they have…it might be an attitude that you have you know. As I say, when I first went looking for help I had this attitude that I don’t really want to be here, you know, I didn’t really want to tell this person this. You know, so you’re on your guard straight away and I don’t know if social workers are trained in dealing with that but most people that go and talk to these people are, there on their guard in there you know, they have this shield around them that they’re not going to let down.”

12. Understanding the social construction of masculinity Inscrutable masculinity / invulnerable masculinity Protest masculinity Multiple masculinities

13. Men, masculinity and help seeking “…you loose control of your own manliness, your own masculinity, if you go looking for help, you know. The old cliché: the man is the breadwinner, the man is the hunter/gatherer, you know, the man is the one that does everything. But if he looks for help he looses a bit of that masculinity or manliness, he becomes a bit more feminine, to ask for help. So you don’t do that… …I was always in control of everything in my life, if I let go of that control I was lost. I had to be the one that made the decisions, that took care of everything and made sure things happened. It didn’t go that way in the end and I had to start admitting that I couldn’t, that’s how I felt, I couldn’t believe that I had lost. I’d lost and I could never take failure.”

14. Overcoming macho fixations Being from the [part] of the city I have tattoos, a lot of people would actually judge us by the way you look, cops [police] especially and social workers, they take you on the way you look. People would say to me that I look rough and ready… I got tattoos and whatever I don’t know but I’m just caring too… (lone father) He always gets judged by, you know, by his looks like his tattoos, his skinhead and his earrings and he like you know he looks tough like you know what I meant. I think that’s what turns people against him. (16 year old son).

15. Even hard men have soft spots

16. Generative Fathering • Generative Fathering provides vital support for children’s development and, in turn, children provide opportunities for men to satisfy their own developmental need to be generative

17. Key features of a father-inclusive practice • working through macho fixations and images of (dangerous) masculinity • Inviting men in and calling men into responsible fathering • Keeping men involved: holding work with fathers in families • Informality and expressive work • Fateful moments and life-planning work with fathers • A generative strengths based approach to working with fathers

19. Recommendations for supporting men’s public movement into children’s lives Tell men publicly and privately they are important in children’s lives Allow men the space and time to be with children Support men to make mistakes as carers, fathers, friends and lovers Let men practice saying, I’m Sorry, I love you, Thank you

20. Waterford Institute of Technology Department of Applied Arts Waterford Institute of Technology Strengthening Families through Fathershttp://www.fsa.ie/publications/strengthfathers/contents.html