Language makes others have different thoughts and feelings

1. Language makes others have different thoughts and feelings

2. How can you tell people are interested in you? • Asking questions about: • Things they like/ dislike • Family/friends • Favorite foods/ sports/ vacation spots, etc. • Looking at you • Finding you to chat • Spending time with you

3. Not Showing Interest in people How do you feel when people show they are not interested in you? • Usually don’t feel good when we are ignored or don’t show interest • Awkward or Uncomfortable; Have weird thoughts • Don’t feel good; Might be irritated

4. Showing Interest in People How do you feel when people show interest in you? • Usually feel good when people show they are interested in us • Comfortable; Happy/Content • Feel good; Might want to have another conversation another time

5. Examples of showing interest/ disinterest

6. Showing interest/disinterest What is Caitlin thinking/feeling? What is Erika thinking/feeling?

7. Examples of interests/ disinterest

8. Example A Joe: I got a new computer game at the end of the summer. Frank: I got a new rock cleaner for my rock collection and I have been collecting and cleaning rocking including volcanic and moon rocks. How does Joe feel? • Frank does not show interest in Joe. He just talks about himself, possibly making Joe feel that Frank does not care about him ** Come up with a response for Frank that would show he is interested in Joe.

9. Example B Joe: I got a new computer at the end of the summer. Frank: What game did you get? Joe: Skyroom- I even beat the first level. Frank: That’s really cool but I do not know how to play that game. I spent the summer working on my rock collection. Joe: That’s cool. I didn’t know that people collected rocks. What type of rocks do you collect?

10. Example B How does Joe feel about Frank when he asked what game he got, even though Frank did not know much about the game? How does Frank feel when Joe asked questions about his rocks, even though he didn’t know much about them? Why is it important to make other people feel good?

11. How can you respond to show you are interested in this person? 1. Your classmate says to you: “I had a baseball game last night” 2. I come in for lunch and say to you: “I’m really excited about my upcoming vacation” 3. A teacher says to you: “I heard it might snow tomorrow” 4. Your mom says to you: “I had a really long day at work”

12. Thoughts and Feelings • Everyone has thoughts and feelings ALL the time! • You are all having a thought and a feeling right now Social Thinking happens anytime you are sharing space! • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_Cu8DEPISI (Boy Meets World) • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHOIYCX61fY (Buddy)

13. Social Thinking Happens whenever you are sharing space

16. “People Files” We keep these files in our brain about people we meet Memories of past experiences Info about people’s interests/disinterests, emotional reactions Facts about friends and families, etc. Need to remember both good and weird thoughts to help us make judgments about who to interact with and who we choose not to interact with

17. People File Interviews Interview a classmate Then circle the 3 things you found most interesting to you Choose one to start a conversation with your classmate

18. Using what we know to ask people questions about their interests People are perceived as “friendly” when they show interest in others People are perceived as “unfriendly” when they don’t show interest in others

19. Asking questions….. “Pass the unicorn”- only the person with the unicorn can speak. First person asks a question and passes it to that person. They answer and then turn and ask someone else a question What types of questions can we ask other people?

20. Using questions to keep the conversation going Initial questions- starts the conversation How was your day? What are your favorite hobbies? What are some initial questions/ conversation starters? Follow-up questions- keeps the conversation going, clarifies information or seek new information Why was your day so long? Basketball is cool. What’s your favorite NBA team?

21. Examples • A:“What did you do this weekend?” B: “I played on the computer and went out to dinner” • If I don’t ask anything else, I am not following up to get into a deeper conversation • What would be a good follow-up question to this response?

22. Game Show • Will pick a question off the board • Will ask initial question on the card • Will earn one point for every follow-up question asked • First person- question asker • Another person- volunteer to answer questions

23. Response and Follow-Up Question Person 1: What did you do this weekend? (initial question) Person 2: I went to Rhode Island (response). What did you do? (follow-up question) Person 1: I went to the movies (response). What did you do in Rhode Island? (follow-up question) Person 2: I went to visit my aunt and uncle (response). What movie did you see? (follow-up question)

24. Examples How was your weekend? How did it feel when I made a comment? How did it feel when I didn’t make a comment? ** So we should provide supporting comments to make people feel good, since this is what we want people to do for us

25. Supporting Comments • Little comments and gestures we make in response to someone else’s words • Shows we are paying attention to speaker • Shows we have a thought or emotion in response to speaker’s message • We might provide this response to make the speaker think we are paying attention, even though we aren’t - Example of a social fake

26. Supporting Comments and Gestures • Comments: “wow”, “cool”, “sounds fun”, “wish I was there”, “yikes”, “that doesn’t sound good”, etc. • Nonverbal gestures: *** must have your body and eyes facing the person • ex. while looking at a person can nod your head in agreement to show you heard or understood the person • What are other types of nonverbal gestures?

27. List of Supportive Comments

28. Game Show (again) • I will be the “talker” • You will be the “responder”- using only supportive comments • May be a gesture • May be a comment * Do your best to show (or social fake) your interest in my topic

29. So far, we have learned… To keep a conversation going and to show a person you are interested, you can: Ask follow-up questions Make supportive comments - Complete worksheet However, most conversations involve just sharing related comments - Add your own thoughts and experiences to what someone else has said

30. Add-A-Thought • Relating your own experiences directly to a comment made by your conversation partner • Another person’s comment causes us to have thoughts • Connect one of our thoughts to the thoughts stated by others Ex. I love ice cream. I think cake batter ice cream is my favorite. What could you say to add-a-thought?

31. Add-a-thought • Conversation Examples (Topic is established and maintained loosely) How is each comment related to previous statement? Weekend-> Cleaning ->Weekend ->Beach ->Sailing Maintaining topic threads, rather than sticking only to one subject Weekend -> Wedding -> Swimming -> Karate class -> Dance • Complete worksheet

32. Add-a-thought • I like to go to grandpa’s house to celebrate Easter but he never hides eggs or gives Easter baskets. • What types of “spin-off” conversations can you have? • Easter experiences • Visits to relatives • Traditions around the holidays • Easter eggs/ baskets

33. Add-a-thought activity One person tells a few things he recently did (last weekend, summer vacations, holidays, etc.) Everyone else thinks of ways to add a comment that connects your own experiences or thoughts of the world to the speaker’s previous comment - Each time you connect, you put down your “add-a-thought” slip of paper; stacking the slips on top of each other

34. Review • Last weekend, I went to my friend’s lake house. On a sheet of paper, for this statement, write: • A follow-up question • A supportive comment • An add-a-thought

35. Game Time! • You will have 1 minute each to provide as many follow-up questions, supportive comments and add-a-thoughts • Each will be tallied: • Follow up questions • Supportive comments • Add-a-thought

36. What are you thinking? “ I went to see a show on Broadway this weekend” - If I started a conversation this way or walked into a room and said this, what would you think?

37. What do you think?

38. Example • If I asked: “ Have you ever been to Broadway in NYC?” • What is my intention or purpose when asking this question? • Is this better than just stating: “ I went to see a show on Broadway this weekend”

39. Bridging Questions • Asking Questions to Make People Talk About Your Area of Interest • Questions are used in most conversations ex. “Have you been to the cafeteria today?” “No, why?” “They have an ice cream sundae bar set up- looks awesome!” • Allows you to introduce a preferred topic while showing interest in other people’s thoughts

40. Activity • Come up with a topic you like to talk about • Write it on the top corner of your desk • Under it- write a bridging question to start a conversation on your topic Broad topics vs. Specific Topics

42. What do you think now?

43. Bridging or Baiting Questions • Also important to recognize these questions to figure out our conversation partner’s intention (Why are they asking this question?) • If I walk into the classroom and see most of the students have transitioned but ask the one student left, “What class do you have next?” • What is my intention?

44. What is Corey’s intention? Boy Meets World- On the Fence 4.30-6.03 What bridging questions does he use?

45. Find a way to use a bridging question to start a conversation with your given topic • Come up with a topic you like to talk about • Use a broad bridging questionto start the conversation

46. Question: What’s new? • “You just stopped/ killed the conversation. By saying nothing you give us nothing to think about!” • Language is supposed to trigger imagination in our conversation partner and a sense of wonder • If you say ‘nothing’, there is no way for the person to connect with you • Come up with one descriptive response:What did you do last night?

47. How long is too long to talk? • Cannot always talk for as long as you desire • Start Short and Add On • Start short and brief 10-15 seconds • if someone is interested, they will ask a question to encourage you to speak longer • People don’t literally time their responses but they do consider how long they have been talking

49. How can you tell is someone is no longer interested in talking with you? Body Language Eye Contact What the person says Other: