Men for a Difference: Engaging Youth and Men in The Prevention of Sexual Violence

1. Men for a Difference: Engaging Youth and Men in The Prevention of Sexual Violence A Topic Guide for Facilitating Video Group Discussions Prepared by Peter D. Weller, Ph.D. Chairman, Caribbean Male Action Network For RISE/ UNFPA 2010

2. Engaging Boys and Youth And Men Men for a Difference

3. The Men for A Difference Guide and Manual Acknowledgements This Manual was adapted from material and manuals developed by: • CariMAN Champions for Change • CariMANYouthMAnTalk Compendium • Partnership for Peace (UNWomen); • You, Your Life, Your Dreams (Family Care International, UNFPA, CARICOM); • The Peer Counseling Manual (Counseling Unit, UWI, Mona); • Engendering Sexual and Reproductive Health (UNFPA and Ministry of Community Development, Culture and Gender Affairs, Trinidad and Tobago); • The YMCA MenTouring Project (Trinidad and Tobago);

4. The Men for A Difference Guide and Manual The power point guide provides slides to be used in training advocates as “Men for a Difference”. The slides may also be used in community outreach interventions as appropriate. The accompanying Manual is a living document and should be continuously updated to include any new developments in Gender, Sexuality and Development issues including those affecting sexual and reproductive health of women, men, girls and boys. The Manual provides additional training and reference material.

5. Focussing and Awareness Raising • The Following slides may be used to guide ice-breaking and basic sensitization initiatives as appropriate for the group. • Additional activities are available in the Manual.

6. SETTING THE STAGE:Paradigms, Mindsets and Perceptions Objective: To help participants understand that how they “see” things depends on how they “look” at things and that in turn depends on how they have been taught/ programmed to perceive things. • Things may mean different things to different people depending on how they see these things and the meanings they ascribe to what they observe. • If we are to make informed choices we have to open our minds to new information and new meanings

7. SETTING THE STAGE:Paradigms, Mindsets and Perceptions • The image of an older woman and younger woman is a classic example of this perceptual issue. • The story of the PIG is another example of paradigms, perceptions and decision-making behaviour

8. THE WOMEN • Ask participants to look at the picture and to describe the woman they see. • Point out that one can see an older woman and one can also see a younger woman. • Explain that this may be the result of a number of factors: • It may be because of what aspect you noticed first • It may be because of your experience • It may be because of your personality

10. Paradigms Influencing Gaining Success: THE PIGS Relate the following story to the participants: • A young man, Dave, was driving along a familiar road somewhere in his rural Caribbean community on his way to work as usual • As he came to a particularly deep and sharp corner he saw another car approaching around the corner on his side of the road and about to crash into him. • Upset, he blew the horn loudly. • The other driver, a woman, also blew the horn and as she passed looked at him and shouted “PIG!!!” • Dave then cursed the driver and ended up crashing the car.

11. UNDERSTANDING THE STORY OF THE PIG Ask BYM to explain what happened and why. • Get all the responses e.g. he was going too fast, he got angry and lost control, he crashed into the woman’s car, women can’t drive properly, he wasn’t paying attention etc • Commend the response, if given, that he hit the PIG she was warning him about – she wasn’t cursing him as he may have thought! • Discuss how his perceptions e.g. familiarity with the road, beliefs about women drivers, mood etc could have influenced his interpretation of her warning shout: PIG!!

12. Paradigms, Mindsets and Constructs:Learning new ways to look at things The image of “THE WOMAN” and the story of the “PIG” are examples of paradigms, perceptions and how they may affect our decision-making behaviour: • Things may have different meanings to different people depending on how they see them • and the meanings they ascribe to what they observe will influence their behaviour.

13. Getting to Know Yourself - Self Awareness Activity Inside-Outside • Materials: Each participant needs a piece of paper and several crayons. • Participants are asked to fold the paper in half. On the inside they are asked to draw a picture which represents the "real me". On the outside they are asked to make a drawing which represents what others see of them. They are then to write three key words which describe them as they have represented themselves in the drawing. Each participant is asked to explain the drawing to the rest of the group. • The activity is processed and discussion includes looking at the issue of masks, defenses, trust and implications for interpersonal dynamics and impact as an advocate.

14. OBJECTIVES Responding to Boys/Youth/Men’s (BYM) concerns about SEXUAL ITY and GBV by: • Providing Information • Exploring Attitudes • Teaching Skills • Facilitating Decision Making Processes • Promoting Advocay

15. Facilitator Objectives • Define gender and sexuality and specific sexual behaviour • Identify origins of sexual beliefs and attitudes • Discuss the different ways in which men and women may relate sexually • Examine cultural attitudes to gender • Examine attitudes to violence generally and sexual violence in particular •  Explore healthy behavioural choices

16. Paradigms and Mindsets:Learning about sex and VIOLENCE • Let’s look back at what we learned about sex and sexuality AND VIOLENCE IN RELATIONSHIPS • Let’s get some new information • Let’s see how a new perspective may help us improve our understanding and make healthier choices • LETS SEE HOW WE CAN HELP OTHERS CHANGE

17. SEX, GENDER AND DEVELOPMENT • Providing Information • Exploring Attitudes • Teaching Skills • Facilitating Decision Making Processes

18. MYTHS: GENDER AND SEX • Myth:Gender and Sex mean the same thing and can be used interchangeably. • Fact:Sex can mean both the sexual act… “Wanna have sex?” and the biological category of identity – whether a person is born male or female, • What is your sex? The basic categories of sex are:  • Male: born with the penis and testes and other physically identifiable male sexual organs; • Female: born with the vagina, ovaries, and other physically identifiable female sexual organs; eventually develops breasts. • Intersex: born with some form of both male and female sexual organs.

19. Sex and Gender, what is the difference? • Sex : biological and physiological characteristics that make men and women distinct; e.g. reproductive organs, chromosomes, hormones • Gender :socially constructed roles, relationships, responsibilities, values, attitudes and forms of power that assigned to women and men, boys and girls; e.g. men are ”macho”; women are the “weaker sex” • Gender is learned, context-specific (varies from one culture to another) and is dynamic/changeable

20. Gender Roles and Stereotypes • Social and cultural expectations • People’s adoption of what is expected of their gender from social peers • Strong social expectations for example exist in regards to • How one dresses as a male or female • How one carries oneself in terms of their body “walk like a man” • How one speaks – a deep voice for men, a higher voice for women • When one marries – that by 30 years old males should marry, regardless of their sexual attractions, desires, etc.

21. Gender Roles and Stereotypes • Roles – e.g. productive, reproductive and community management • Roles are Socialized by norms , values and beliefs • Normsare societal expectations related to acceptable attitudes and behaviors of men and women, boys and girls • Roles and Stereotypes may limit people’s opportunities especially if they internalize the beliefs

22. The DEFINITIONS • “Violence against women” means any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivations of liberty, whether occurring in public or private life. • Violence against women shall be understood to encompass, but not be limited to, the following: Physical, sexual and psychological violence occurring in the family, including battering, sexual abuse of female children in the household, dowry-related violence, 1993 United Nations Declaration on the Elimination of Violence Against Women 

23. THE CARIBBEAN CONTEXT • Gender based violence is violence that is directed against a person on the basis of sex. • It includes acts that inflict physical, mental, emotional or sexual harm or suffering, threats of such acts, coercion and other deprivations of liberty. • While women, girls, men and boys can be victims of gender based violence, women and girls are the main victims. • Gender-based violence (GBV) reflects and reinforces inequalities between men and women and compromises the health, dignity, security and autonomy of its victims. Dr. Rosina Wiltshire CARICOM Gender Advocate

24. THE CARIBBEAN CONTEXT • All CARICOM Member States are party to CEDAW (Convention on the Elimination of all Forms of Discrimination Against Women) and consensus documents such as the Beijing Platform for Action (BPfA), the Millennium Development Goals (MDGs). • Further, the CARICOM Charter of Civil Society notes, those women have the right to legal protection including just and effective remedies against domestic violence, sexual abuse and sexual harassment.

25. Statistics Crime Trends Survey: • All countries in the Caribbean for which data was available, experienced rape rates that were among the highest in the world. • The global average of reported rapes was reflected as 15 per 100,000, the Bahamas topped the world average with 133; • The next Caribbean country was St Vincent and the Grenadines with 112, • Followed by Jamaica with a rate of 51

26. STATISTICS AND CULTURE • In addition to the high prevalence, there is a culture of normalcy. • There is no outrage in communities, and the legal system is complicit • Only 1% of reported rapes in Guyana and 3% in Trinidad and Tobago result in convictions. • Furthermore, it is important to note, that a high percentage of rapes is not reported. • This culture of normalcy has been reinforced by too many of us

27. The CARICOM Gender Advisor states that: • “Gender based violence stands out as a systemic and systematic violation of human rights and as an obstacle to economic, social and democratic development in all countries. Violence in the home is also the seed bed for societal violence. The gains of the Caribbean are being systematically threatened by the growing levels of violence in the region. If we wish to curb the growing insecurity in the region we have to address the problem at its root.”

28. Forms of Gender Based Violence (GBV) against women • Physical abuse • Sexual demands/forced sexual intimacy by superiors within the work setting • Sexual coercion, especially against children or adolescents • Emotional/psychological abuse (forms of humiliation, intimidation, psychological degradation, verbal aggression, deprivation of freedom and rights, domestic incarceration etc) • Sexual trafficking • Forced pregnancy, sterilization or abortion • Forced use or non-use of contraception • Economic violence (economic blackmail, taking money the woman earns in order to have absolute control )

29. Values and Attitude Clarification Where do you stand? • PURPOSE: To explore gender attitudes. • TIME: variable • MATERIALS: List of statements, 2 signs : AGREE and DISAGREE • Explain that you will read out some statements. If they agree, participants should go to one end of the room. If they disagree, they should go to the other end of the room. If they are not sure, they should stay in the middle of the room.

30. SAMPLE STATEMENTS • Women should fulfill men’s sexual needs.   • Women have weaker sexual desires than men. • Men prove their manhood by having many female partners.   • Young men should know more about sex than young women.   • Men should have more than one female partner in their lifetime. • Men are emotionally stronger than women. • Sex is more important to young men than young women.

31. Women should fulfill men’s sexual needs. Women have weaker sexual desires than men.Men prove their manhood by having many female partners. Young men should know more about sex than young women. Men should have more than one female partner in their lifetime. Men are emotionally stronger than women.Sex is more important to young men than young women. For women, love and romance are more important than sex. Young women who carry condoms are easy. SAMPLE STATEMENTS • The death penalty should be abolished •  Beating a child is OK •  Whenever a woman says no to sex you should stop. •  In a family, the man should be the head of the household • The Bible gives men permission to use force on women. • Some women like to be hit. • Rape is more about violence than about sex

32. INSTRUCTIONS • When they have moved to their chosen place in the room, ask one from each end of the room to give reasons for their choice. Tell the group that they can change their mind and move after hearing other people’s reasons. •  Additional participants may be asked to share as time allows • When you have gone through all the statements, bring the group back together and discuss what they think: • Where do we get these ideas from? • Did anyone change their mind after hearing what some one else said? • Why did they change their mind? • What effect can these attitudes and beliefs have on relationships? 

33. Socio-Cultural Issues to be Discussed: • Gender roles • Traditions • Biblical/ Religious bases • Media • Music • Movies • Corporal Punishment • Parenting • Man and Woman Business • Civic and Personal Responsibility

34. Mr Edwards goes to the doctor’(Activity/ Discussion) ‘What is your job?’ asked the doctor. ‘I am a worker’ replied Mr Edwards  ‘You have any children?’ the doctor asked. ‘I have been blessed with seven so far’, Mr Edwards answered ‘Does your wife work?’ ‘No, she stays at home’. I see. How does she spend the day?’ ‘Well she gets up at about 4:30 in the morning, gets water from the standpipe, gets the children up, fixes breakfast and tidys the house. Then she looks about washing the clothes. At least three times a week she may go to the market to sell a little produce we have growing on a piece of land behind the house. She will buy what she needs, then come back to fix some lunch.’

35. ‘Mr Edwards goes to the doctor’(Activity/ Discussion) ‘You come home at midday?’ ‘Sometimes, depending on what day it is and if anything is happening with my pardners.’ ‘What does she do after lunch?’ ‘She will go to the spot of land we have and do some weeding, spraying, whatever is necessary to keep the crops healthy.’ What do you do?’ ‘Generally after I finish my work I go and discuss business with my pardners in the bar.’ ‘And after that?’ ‘I go home for dinner which my wife has prepared.’ ‘Does she go to bed after dinner?’ ‘Nah, but sometimes I do, she has the children to look about, make sure everything is washed and tidy ready for the next day. Probably gets to bed around ten o’ clock.’ ‘But I thought you said your wife doesn’t work.’ ‘Of course she doesn’t work. I told you she stays at home.’

36. Prompting questions for ‘Mr Edwards goes to the doctor.’ • What responsibilities does his wife have at home? • What responsibilities does she have outside of the household? • Throughout the day, whom does this woman care for? • Does she have any leisure time? Why? • What do you think of the life of this ‘housewife’? • Imagine what other members of her family do. Why? • From this story what do you think about women’s double responsibility? • What can be done to help every society member recognize the contributions of all other members, including women?

37. SEXUALITY and SEXUAL BEHAVIOURS • Providing Information • Exploring Attitudes • Teaching Skills • Facilitating Decision Making Processes

38. Sexuality: Activity Write the words: Sex, Sexual Behaviour, Sexuality and STIs on flipchart Ask participants to say what these words mean to them. • Discuss the general use of the term SEX and emphasize the different meanings e.g. gender, the act, etc. 

39. SEXUAL BEHAVIOURS: ACTIVITY 1 Sexual Behaviours are a group of actions and related thoughts and feelings: Ask participants to brainstorm sexual behaviours and list each one on a separate flipchart page e.g.: • Sexual intercourse (penis in vagina) • Oral sex (man on woman, woman on man, same sex) • Anal Sex (penis in anus of man or woman) • Masturbation • Kissing • Touching/ feeling up/Fondling • Use participants’ reactions to identify the thoughts and feelings that go with these actions e.g. normal ,bad, disgusting, wrong etc

40. SEXUAL BEHAVIOURS: ACTIVITY 2 Ask participants to brainstorm common terms used in their community to describe the sex organs and these sexual behaviours list them on a separate flipchart page under the headings: Penis Vagina • Sexual intercourse (penis in vagina) • Oral sex (man on woman, woman on man, same sex) • Anal Sex (penis in anus of man or woman) • Masturbation • Kissing • Touching/ feeling up/Fondling

41. SEXUAL ATTITUDES AND BELIEFS (ACTIVITY) Where Do Our Sexual Attitudes and Beliefs come from? • Assign each participant to a partner and have them answer the following questions then report back to the larger group. • WHEN did we first hear about sex? • WHO did we first hear about sex from? • WHERE did we first hear about sex? • WHAT did we first hear about sex? FACILITATOR NOTES: • Facilitator briefly discusses in large group: • How did these sources influence us then and now? • ( If a mixed age group: How have things changed between generations?)

42. SEXUALITY One way of looking at sexuality is to consider it in three parts: • a person’s relationship with him or herself: including personal fantasy and masturbation; • a person’s relationship with other people, or their sexual orientation: the intimate and sexual relationships we have with other people; • a person’s relationship with his or her community: how we express our sexuality to others and how society affects that expression

43. Human Sexuality (yet another way..) • A core aspect of being human throughout life encompassing sex, gender identities and roles, sexual orientation, emotional attachment, intimacy, eroticism, pleasure, and reproduction. • Sexuality is experienced and expressed in thoughts, fantasies, desires, beliefs, attitudes, values, behaviours, practices, roles and relationships.

44. SEX AND DECISIONMAKING SKILLS

45. DIMENSIONS OF HEALTHY SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS • MATURITY • Need to know yourself • Need to know what you want in life • Need to know priorities • MUTUALITY • Need to be agreed on b both • Need to be rewarding to both • MANAGEMENT • Need to work to keep it healthy

46. ABC(DE)s in Sexual Relationships • A-attraction: initial feelings of attraction are often based on visual impressions. • B-building: similarities in attitudes, and liking motivate us to build relationships • C-continuation: once established a relationship may continue if there is variety, caring, positive evaluations and mutual satisfaction. Jealousy is a threat to the continuation of relationships. • D-deterioration: failure to invest time and energy, relationship not as satisfying to both parties (not inevitable). • E-ending: occurs when negatives outweigh the positives. For various reasons parties may not end relationships even though it has deteriorated.

47. WHAT IS UNWANTED SEX? • Unwanted sex includes a number of different things. It can be: • • Unwanted sexual touches or contact. This is sexual abuse. • • Unwanted sexual comments or gestures. This is sexual harassment. • • Forced sexual intercourse. This is rape. Rapists can be complete strangers, but usually they are someone the victim knows—such as a friend, acquaintance, neighbour, or relative.

48. HOW DO I PROTECT MYSELF FROM UNWANTED SEX? • The best way to protect yourself is to learn how to recognise and avoid situations where you are at risk for unwanted sex: • • Avoid relationships with older adults. These relationships put you at great risk for STIs/HIV and pregnancy because these relationships are not equal. You may not have the power to say “No” to sexual contact or to make the older person use a condom. • • Trust your instincts. If someone is making you feel uncomfortable or nervous, leave the person immediately. Your feelings are important warning signals. Don’t ignore them. • • Do not ever be alone with someone you do not know well and trust. It is better to go out with groups of friends and stay with the group. • • Know your own limits and make sure your boyfriend or girlfriend understands them. • • Don’t take drugs or alcohol.

49. HOW DO I COPE WITH UNWANTED SEX? Be assertive. Don’t leave any doubt that you mean “No” when you say “No”. Do not give the impression that you want to be convinced or coaxed. • Sometimes rape happens despite a person’s best efforts to protect herself or himself. • If this happens, you need to get medical care and counselling right away. • Do not bathe before receiving medical care so you can have evidence in case you choose to go to the police. • Most importantly, do not blame yourself. It was not your fault. • Give yourself time to heal physically and emotionally.

50. What are LIFE SKILLS? Life skills are abilities that will help us act on our values and principles. • Talk about our feelings. Our feelings are important, but other people may not understand how we feel unless we tell them. Learn how to let others know what you think and want by being direct and by using statements that start with “I”: “I wish,” “I would like,” “I need,” “I don’tlike...” Practice using “I” statements until you feel comfortable saying them. • Communicate what we feel. We usually have good reasons for feeling the way we do and it’s important to learn how to get those reasons across to others without putting people down or making them feel bad by being unkind, aggressive, or overly critical. • Know what we think and stand by, no matter what other people say. Everyone has beliefs about what is right and wrong. These beliefs are called principles. Sometimes we may know exactly what our principles are, while other times things aren’t as clear and we may have to carefully think through what is right for us and why. It is alright to feel unsure and if we do, we can talk it out with someone we trust. When we are clear about what we think is right and why, we’ll be able to stand up for what we believe in..