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The Parents’ Role: What NOT to do

The Parents’ Role: What NOT to do. Love Withdrawal teaches guilt and self-blame Power Assertion teaches fear Continually Verbally Criticize teaches self-doubt, self-loathing Don’t give an option when there are none! avoid “is that okay?” e.g., “Time for your bath, okay?”.

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The Parents’ Role: What NOT to do

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  1. The Parents’ Role:What NOT to do Love Withdrawal teaches guilt and self-blame Power Assertion teaches fear Continually Verbally Criticize teaches self-doubt, self-loathing Don’t give an option when there are none! avoid “is that okay?” e.g., “Time for your bath, okay?”

  2. Parental Conflict Many agree: Divorce that ends parental conflict better than conflict-ridden marriage. Impact of conflict on children: Negative interactions with peers, anxiety about parent’s whereabouts, and increased behavioral problems. Vulnerability to internalizing conflicts (self blame, role-reversal). Parental violence -- aggression and withdrawal.

  3. What about conflict resolution? Conflict not necessarily good, but better to see resolution of conflict for preschoolers-teens NOT true for babies! Should not argue in front of babies Why? Cognitive load/arousal! They cannot process/interpret Only feel negative impact of arousal on body

  4. Review Provide children with skills -- social knowledge Timeouts and withdrawal of privileges work (if done correctly, consistently!) Consistency, explanations, role models -- induction/empathy, positive discipline (8:1 ratio) What NOT to do: love withdrawal, power assertion, verbally criticize, options when none there Conflict not good, but resolution of conflict better for preschoolers; not true for babies (limited cognitive capabilities)

  5. Baumrind’s Four Types of Parenting Accepting, Responsive Rejecting, Unresponsive Demanding Authoritative Authoritarian Undemanding Uncontrolling Permissive Uninvolved

  6. Research on Parenting Styles: Child Outcomes

  7. TV Parents: How to respond, based on parenting style? 6- year old Michael and his four-year-old sister Amy are playing with toy cars while their mother is in the next room. Michael is playing with a dump truck and Amy is playing with a fire truck. Michael grabs the fire truck from Amy. Amy starts to scream and cry. How do you respond as a ________ parent?

  8. How to respond? Channel Heathcliff and Claire! The Cosby’s are an excellent example of Authoritative parenting……FIRM, but loving and respectful.

  9. To spank or not to spank? Is spanking good or bad for children? If spanking is okay, under what circumstances? What are outcomes for children?

  10. Why do parents use physical punishment? immediate compliance easy compared to other forms of discipline show child who’s in control teach right vs. wrong show child “how it feels” to get hit show children parent is upset relieve parent’s anger

  11. Why NOT to spank Immediate compliance but no long-term results Attribute compliance to parent’s use of force does not internalize appropriate behavior Not instructional…no teaching Models aggression Learns to fear and dislike parent In some cases, physical punishment can escalate to abuse Arousal = Impaired information-processing (learning/memory)*

  12. Long term effects of spanking Few internalized moral values Lower self-esteem Rejected by peers -- aggression More troublesome to parents than children who are not spanked As adults more likely to hit children & spouse As adults, may seek out abusive relationships More likely to be depressed & suicidal thoughts More likely to commit violent and criminal acts

  13. Which of Baumrind’s parenting types spanks the most of the four groups? Authoritarian What kind of discipline do these parents use when they can no longer spank their children?

  14. Review of Spanking Immediate compliance but no long-term results No internalization; no teaching Models aggression -- rejected by peers More problems as adults hit children & spouse & seek out abusive relationships depressed & suicidal thoughts commit violent and criminal acts *BUT some mixed research findings re: race/temperament effects…

  15. Adolescents, their parents and peers… Lies and deception The power of peers Social pressure and societal shifts What works

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