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The Path to Peaceful Family Life Present Moment Parenting

The Path to Peaceful Family Life Present Moment Parenting. Kim Flood, BA, Certified Parent Coach . What We’ll Learn Today. Parents have a choice and the power to heal. It’s healing for both the parents and the children to learn new ways of interacting. . Section 1.

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The Path to Peaceful Family Life Present Moment Parenting

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  1. The Path to Peaceful Family LifePresent Moment Parenting Kim Flood, BA, Certified Parent Coach

  2. What We’ll Learn Today Parents have a choice and the power to heal. It’s healing for both the parents and the children to learn new ways of interacting.

  3. Section 1 Unwrapping Child BehaviorA Physiological Approach Thinking about the effect of communication on the child’s BODY • The child’s brain is seeking the same level of intensity. • When it reaches that level, it is highly rewarding of the behavior.

  4. How is the Heart Involved? • The Institute of Heartmath • The heart is responsive to emotional input. • The heart has its own neurological system and it sends messages to the brain!

  5. All learning • Messages sent repeatedly strengthen heart-brain neural pathways.

  6. Adrenaline’s Role • Fight • Flight • Freeze

  7. To Read: • Dr. Daniel Siegel’s The Mindful Brain • Dr. Paul Pearsall’s The Heart’s Code

  8. The Child as an Organism

  9. Care of the Organism • Sunshine of our love • Water of positivity for good behavior • Fertilizer of teaching values

  10. Heartfelt Appreciation • When you … I feel … because … • Your power is in the positives. • Strengthening neural pathways increases the behavior you WANT.

  11. When Does Innocence Disappear? At what age do children start to willfully manipulate adults?

  12. How Much of Parenting is Fear? When we live in fear, we miss the love.

  13. Why doesn’t punishment work? Punishment has three results: • Temporary stoppage of the behavior • The need to retaliate • Fear

  14. No Guilt • For parents • For kids

  15. Judge, Blame, Punish Cycle We were all raised based on this model. Society is oriented this way, too.

  16. Tapping the Power of the Present Moment

  17. Eckhart Tolle wrote • The Power of Now • A New Earth

  18. Staying in the Present Moment • Decreases fear for you • Joins the child where he/she lives. • Honors your relationship. • Slows you both down.

  19. Support the Child’s Individuation • What is individuation? • Ask questions rather than issue directives. • Show sincere interest in his/her interests, friends, issues.

  20. Individuation • Listen deeply.

  21. Section 2 - Solutions! The New Way: Growing Desired Behaviors

  22. Nourishing healthy attachment with infants and young children • Plan for pregnancy, birth, and parenting. • Respond with sensitivity. • Use nurturing touch. • Engage in nighttime parenting.

  23. A New Role for Parents

  24. Set up success opportunities Where they didn’t previously exist • More than “catching kids being good.” • Watch for successes wherever they may be.

  25. Opposition to positive input Some kids can’t take positives. • “I know its hard or uncomfortable to hear the good things, but its my job to tell you the good things. Pretty soon you will get used to it.” • Write notes. • Can you think of an example besides talking to get the positive message across?

  26. Implementing the New Way: The family meeting

  27. The Family Meeting • Say what you love about being in the family. • Each person takes a turn and has as many turns as they need. • Talk until you are finished. • Say what you love about being in the family. • End the meeting.

  28. Benefits of the Family Meeting • Adds ceremony to your family life. • Rewards and reinforces what you want: listening.

  29. Benefits of the Family Meeting • Build family identity, creating belongingness. • A forum for issues that everyone can use. • Parenting on the “front end” of the behavior.

  30. Second Family Meeting • Say what you love about being in the family (at the beginning of each meeting.) • Report “like the news” about issues. • Ask for solutions. • Children make the rules.

  31. Rules Start with “no.”

  32. Rules Include the children in making the list. It’s their list. You are the secretaries. At the end, add to the list. Say, “We might need to make up rules on the spot.”

  33. Rules Rules are only discussed when there has been no infraction (give no attention to infractions.)

  34. What to say … “Let’s have a do-over.” -Do-overs are very effective, as they teach the alternative behavior. -They move you toward the child, instead of away.

  35. Avoid Triggering Opposition • Don’t start your answer with “no.” • Don’t start your request with the child’s name. • Ask a question.

  36. Do-overs Play the scene as it happened, and then play it over with clear communication and respect.

  37. Do not use do-overs until … • You have had the second family meeting. • The rules are posted. • The do-overs have been rehearsed when there is no infraction. • You have switched roles to rehearse.

  38. The do-over is NOT punishment. It is simply a procedure. Let the kids know.

  39. Redirect very young kids. • “Did you see what your baby brother just did? What do you think he will do next?” • Use do-overs whenever you can.

  40. What to avoid • Warning • Negotiation

  41. Testing: one, two, three… • Children are scientists

  42. Remember, your power is in the positives. Right now.

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