PARENTING STYLES AND FAMILY STRUCTURE

1. PARENTING STYLES AND FAMILY STRUCTURE

2. PARENTING STYLES... What influences a parent’s choice of parenting style? 99% of all parents want to be good parents, and avoid doing what they consider to be a bad parent. Regardless of their parenting abilities, they love their child. • The way their parents raised them. • The family structure, whether it’s a nuclear family, step-family, single-parent family, extended family, one or both parents work outside the home, etc. • Ethnic background • Individual parenting skills and knowledge

3. PARENTING STYLES... All parents incorporate both love and limits in their style of parenting, with the balance of love and limits determining a particular style. There are 4 parenting styles, and most parents use some combination of the 4. Each style has strengths and/or weaknesses, but only the authoritative parenting style combines both high love and high limits. It is considered the best style in today’s society.

4. AUTHORITARIAN PARENTING STYLES... Authoritarian parents value obedience, structure, and respect. And they believe in a family hierarchy, with dad usually at the top, mom next, and children last. They use external control to teach right from wrong, such as spanking, and are quick to act on a discipline problem. Children in these families would not describe the relationship with their parents as close, warm, and loving. The underlying assumption in this style is that “parents know best”. Low love and high limits. The parents make the rules, and the children obey them without question or negotiation. If the young child asks “why should I?”, the parent responds “because I said so” (often a legitimate answer).

5. AUTHORITARIAN PARENTING STYLE Low love and high limits. Giving orders This is the most traditional parenting style historically, and is based on the use of power. The 1950’s sitcom called “Leave It To Beaver” showed a perfect family scenario operating under an authoritarian parenting style. The children were eager to please the parents. There were few displays of affection for the children, which were limited to an arm around the shoulder.

6. PERMISSIVE PARENTING STYLE... High Love and Low Limits. Parents have difficulty setting firm limits and are inconsistent. Sometimes it works pretty well because children generally want to please their parents. Parents view themselves as their children’s friend; they worry that their children will not like them if they set too many rules. Over time, children often become selfish, self-centered, and manipulative to get their own way…because they know they can. Parents take a "hands-off" approach, allowing children to learn from the consequences of their actions. Giving in

7. PERMISSIVE PARENTING STYLE... Dr. Benjamin Spock was a leading child care authority of the late 1940’s -80’s. He encouraged a fairly permissive parenting style, excusing all manners of misbehavior in children as somehow perfectly normal. In his later years, after having children of his own, he expressed misgivings about some of the advice he had given. Permissive parents often become bitter and resentful of their children. They place their children’s needs above their own, and tire of the lack of respect or appreciation for all they do. The children tend to have troubles with responsibility, relationships, and understanding the rights of others.

8. UNIVOLVED/NEGLECTING PARENTING STYLE... Low Love and Low Limits Giving up Sometimes called an indifferent parenting style due to it’s lack of emotional involvement and supervision of the child. Generally considered as uncaring and inadequate to meet the needs of children. They might be indifferent, distant, unengaged, non-communicative, self-absorbed, unstructured, detached, and sometimes cruel.

9. UNIVOLVED/NEGLECTING PARENTING STYLE... These parents usually do not consider themselves to be bad parents, but are operating under a mistaken set of beliefs about what a good parent does. Their attempts to do what they think needs to be done to raise their children ends up being neglectful or abusive. Many individuals or couples are simply not prepared for the demands of good parenting. Children take time, money, energy, effort, and good parenting skills.

10. AUTHORITATIVE PARENTING STYLE... High Love and High Limits. A balance of freedom and responsibility. Sometimes called the democratic or balanced parenting style, it relies on the principles of equality and trust. Parents and children are equal in terms of their need for dignity and worth but not in terms of responsibility and decision making. Parents model right and wrong by their words and deeds, and give reasons for limits; discipline is used to teach and guide, not punish or control. Parents present expectations to gain a child’s cooperation and respect, including demands of maturity. Giving choices

11. AUTHORITATIVE PARENTING STYLE... Children raised by this style learn to accept responsibility, make wiser choices, cope with change, and are better equipped to succeed in a work-force which relies on cooperative problem-solving. Although this 1950’s sitcom was entitled Father Knows Best, it portrayed an authoritative parenting style rather than authoritarian.

12. 68% of children live with both parents; 28% live with one parent; 4% live with someone other than a parent FAMILY STRUCTURE... Over the last 35 years, there has been an increase in the number of people choosing not to marry and living alone in households, and a decrease in the number of married people living with their children in households.

13. FAMILY STRUCTURE... Although statistically the traditional nuclear family grouping is the most successful one for raising children, it has not existed in the majority of homes. It once reached 46% for an all time high. Many factors have influenced the family picture historically, including life expectancy/mortality, child labor trends, women in the workforce, divorce rates, births to unwed mothers, etc. The “traditional” nuclear family, with a husband wage-earner, wife homemaker and dependent children, now accounts for less than 10 percent of all American households.

14. FAMILY UNIT... The family is the most fundamental of society's institutions, for it is within the family setting that character, morality, responsibility, ability, and wisdom are nurtured best in children. There is a direct correlation between a family founded on a lifelong marriage and low incidences of crime, addiction, abuse, illness, and underachievement. There is no doubt, statistically, that the children raised in a household with both biological parents are at an advantage. Fathers and mothers, men and women, interact differently with children.

15. PARENT CONTRIBUTIONS... Fathers: Mothers: Roughhouses with children;plays louder Encourage competition Do not modify language for the child’s sake Talk is brief, direct, and to the point, with subtle body language and facial expressions Help children prepare for harshness and reality of the real world Model traits of men and how to treat women Encourage children to take chances, push limits Stress justice, fairness, and duty Encourages independence from family Teaches a sense of right and wrong with discipline Gentle with children; plays quieter Encourage equity Simplifies words and talks on child’s level Talk is more descriptive, personal, expressive of feelings, and verbally encouraging Help protect children from the harshness and reality of real world Model traits of women and how to treat men Encourages caution and protection of self Stress sympathy, care, and help Encourages security in the family Teaches a sense of hopefulness with discipline

16. FAMILY TIME... A high amount of conversation and level of interaction between parents and children has an enormous, positive impact on a child's development. Even in intact families, however, children suffer from a lack of intimate time with their parents. On the average, Dads spend 8 minutes, working mothers spend 11 minutes, and stay-at-home moms spend less than 30 minutes face-to-face talking to their children each day. Nearly 20 percent of students in grades 6-12 report that they have not had a 10-minute conversation with at least one of their parents in more than a month (texting doesn’t count). Latest research indicates that children enrolled in early childhood programs and day care centers may actually have an edge in school over those who stay at home with a parent.

17. THE FAMILY AS A PRIORITY... Responsible adults make the decision to have children… they are not just “accidents”. A couple must decide that the children will be a priority in their lives. They must be willing to place their family’s needs in the proper perspective in relation to job, career, friends, personal interests, finances, demands on time, increased energy needed, and their marriage. The focus of the family must shift from “I want” and “we want” to “they need”. When it’s been a long, hard day, are you still going to make the effort to read a bedtime story? When your child wakes up in the morning too sick to go to school, are you going to leave them home alone so you can go to work? Are you going to live without new shoes so they can get a cavity filled? FAMILY MUST BE #1

18. SINGLE PARENT FAMILIES... A key characteristic of single-parent families is the limited resources, including time, energy, and money available to them... whether the single parent is the mother or father. Nearly 60% of children in single parent families are living in poverty. Less than ½ of all child support is paid in full. Lower incomes relate to: • Lack of health insurance • Improper medical and dental care • Lack of immunizations • Hunger/malnutrition • Inadequate shelter.

19. SINGLE PARENT FAMILIES... Children in single-parent families are twice as likely to drop out of high school as children living full time in two-parent families. Children in single-parent homes are more likely to have their own marriages end in separation or divorce. Children in single-parent homes are at the highest risk for unmarried parenthood.

20. THE FATHERLESS HOME... 43% of all children are living without the biological father in the home, due to divorce, unwed mothers, abandonment, death, etc. What are the results? The children are: Eight times more likely to go to prison. Twenty times more likely to become rapists. Ten times more likely to abuse chemical substances. 33 times more likely to be seriously abused. 73 times more likely to be fatally abused. One-tenth as likely to get A's in school. On average have a 44% higher mortality rate. On average have a 72% lower standard of living.

21. THE FATHERLESS HOME... 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders, 90% of all homeless and runaway children, 71% of all high school dropouts, 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers, 63% of children committing suicide, 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions, and 85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in fatherless homes.

22. Step Families... Step families are commonly referred to as ‘blended families’. • Husband with children marries , no-kids wife. • Husband with children marries wife with children. • Mom with children marries no-kids husband.Mom with children marries dad with children. • Widow or widower with kids remarries. • Divorced or widowed parents of adult children marry. Etc. etc. etc. Single mothers of daughters are the least likely to remarry, citing fears that men they bring into the home would abuse their daughters.

23. Step Families... Blended families have unique problems: • At least some members of the family have experienced • “loss”, an emotional crisis. • 2. The biological parent and child have a longer history and • stronger ties to each other than the couple does. • The children’s other biological parent does not belong to this family…and may belong to another family • Children from a previous marriage now have 2 families to • deal with and schedule time with, including holidays and • children’s birthdays, etc. • Stepparents don’t fill biological parent’s roles, including no • legal rights • Over 1/3 of all children born now will live in a stepfamily • household by the time they are 18 years old. • 60% of all remarriages end in divorce; over 50% of • divorced people remarry within 5 years.

24. Families with homosexual parents… Many gay and lesbian couples either adopt or hire surrogates to have children. In the case of lesbian couples, one of the women physically has the children via donor sperm, and the partner adopts them. Being different in any way can be confusing, frustrating, and even scary to a child, but parental communication and support is key regardless of the situation. Studies have shown that children with gay and/or lesbian parents are ultimately just as happy with themselves and their own gender as are their friends with heterosexual parents.

25. Families with homosexual parents… Nearly 2 million children in America have parents who are gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Children whose parents are homosexual show no difference in their choice of friends, activities, or interests compared to children whose parents are heterosexual. As adults, their career choices and lifestyles are similar to those of children raised by heterosexual parents. Research comparing children raised by homosexual parents to children raised by heterosexual parents has found no developmental differences in intelligence, psychological adjustment, social adjustment, or peer popularity between them. Children raised by homosexual parents have fulfilling relationships with their friends as well as romantic relationships later on.

26. CROSS-GENERATIONAL FAMILIES... Approximately 670,000 families with children under age 18 have a family member age 65 or older living with them. Roughly 2.5 million children under age 18 live with one or both parents in their grandparents’ home. Approximately 1.3 million children under age 18 live with their grandparentsINSTEAD of their parents.

27. PARENTING STYLES