New Films: Hereafter Substance abuse & parentification

1. New Films: Hereafter Substance abuse & parentification Schedule: For the 18th – Short paper - Roles in your own family For the 30th and Dec 1 – Death of a Salesman

2. Stages of Family Life Cycle (Spiral) Accession – adding members Causes realignment of members Dethronement – one source of Sibling Rivalry Also present in blended families Can be benign or problematic Birth of baby – planned Birth of baby - unplanned Step family relationships – positive or negative Dismemberment – losing members Can cause realignment of remaining members Divorce and death most common events Incarceration, redeployment Can be benign or problematic Leaving abusive situation Unexpected death or chronic injury Amicable or conflictual divorce Reaccession – adding back old members Causes realignment Benign or problematic

3. Reaccession and Dismemberment Realignment of roles Amplification of previous tendencies and dynamics Flo & Flint enmeshed before but even more after Flame’s death Unresolved issues will continue to wield influence Often simultaneously positive and negative for system Often simultaneously positive and negative for individual Role confusion Role strain Role distortion Role overload

6. Projective Identification: Form of Enmeshment/fusion Often kind of Delegation Either positive or negative Reification or labeling – “smart one,” “pretty one” Reflects The projector’s Feelings about others – not about target Feelings about self – not about target Causes Others to live down or up to expectations And to interact with each other in accordance with the projector’s labels Rarely “Real”

7. Projective Identification: Connected to Learned Helplessness Belief that one does not influence events “No point in trying” Other Directedness Belief that one’s fate is controlled by others One cannot control one’s own life

10. Battle for Structure Whose Family of Origin patterns will shape new family of procreation Often overt pressures from original families Holiday traditions Brands of cars or appliances Baby names Political or religious affiliations Race Same or opposite sex partner pressures Sometimes a partner may intentionally seek a mate whose FOO looks different from her or his own – way to gain emotional distance Institutional religious influences often significant “Do you promise to raise…” May involve an aspect of delegation New family is meant to achieve something old FOO did not “Failure“ of family of procreation sometimes way for FOO to appear “successful”

11. Mental Illness and other chronic stressors in Families Interference with typical roles Role strain/overload Efforts at compensation Delegation – by self or others – to “succeed” in compensation Parentification of children Infantilization of identified patient or others Uncertainty of relationships Who will be at home Where will home be For how long Will all of us still be here Difficulty expressing emotions Difficulty reading the emotions of others Hypersensitivity to emotion Secondary gains Childhood independence or overindulgence

20. Caretakers & Wounded Birds Two sides of same coin Occasionally switch roles but largely stable Secondary Gain –“Weakest” may have the most power in the relationship Often resents the role of weakest “Strongest” often feels helpless and controlled Both roles are projective Both roles are functional unless outside forces upset equilibrium of system Both roles are ways to avoid real intimacy A legitimate wound can also be illegitimately exploited for advantage Entirely possible to be a caretaker in one relationship & wounded bird in another