Marriage Counseling Vienna VA

1. Resolve Conflict in Your Marriage by Brainstorming Solutions Brainstorming has been referred to as rough-draft thinking. Professionals involved in Vienna VA marriage counseling and Herndon marriage counselingencourage couples to bring to light ideas that are not yet fully formed as a way to address their issues.Professionals engaged in marriage counseling Herndon and marriage counseling Vienna VAunderstand that such an approach represents a positive shift in thinking – from an “I-versus-you” to a “we-versus-the-problem”mind-set. The immediate goal of brainstorming is to gather as many solutions to a given problem as possible. As a couple, as you try this on your own, don’tcensor yourself or each other. Be creative in your thinking. Way out ideas are welcome. Become like popping corn kernels just popping with ideas. The more ideas there are, the more options and wider the range of possible solutions there will be. Only when you are done brainstorming, evaluate which ideas make the most sense. To Illustrate. Many years ago, in Arabia, as the story goes, there lived a rich, Bedouin sheik who owned several camels. He had three sons of 20, 18 and 12 years of age. Because the sheik was advanced in years, he made a last will and testament. It read, in part, “I will that my oldest son shall inherit 1/2 of my camels as he will have to be responsible for all our clan. My middle son, who will serve as his brother’s assistant, shall receive 1/3 of my camels. My youngest son is still a child and the older sons will have to care for him; never the less he shall get 1/9 of my camels. Months later the father passed away. The sons had difficulty carrying out their father’s wishes. There were 17 camels at the time of his death. How would the brothers divide the camels? After discussing the matter at length to no avail, they went to a judge for his counsel. The judge suggested that the sons sell all camels and split the money. But the oldest son said, “I will respect the will of my father who did not want us to sell our inheritance. The judge said to the sons, “why don't you rent your camels to a merchant and share what he will pay. This way you keep the property and have an income that you can share in the designated amounts.” But the second son objected and said, “I am a merchant myself I need my camels for my work.”The judge grew impatient and declared, “the only solution, then, will be for you to slaughter the camels and eat or sell their meat. But the youngest son started to weep. He said, “I have grown up with the camels, I love each one of them. They must not die.”The frustrated judge then said, “I cannot resolve your case.” The sons went back to their tents. As they discussed their plight, the conversation became more agitated. Suddenly, over their raised voices, they heard a camel approaching the tent. Looking up, they recognized the rider as one of the wise men of the region, one to whom people would turn with their problems. The sons decided to ask this man for his advice.

2. After they had told him about their dilemma, the wise man sat and thought. Eventually he declared, “I will give my camel to your father’s estate. That will give you 18 camels. Following your father’s wishes, half shall go to the oldest son: 9 camels. One third shall go to the middle son: 6 camels. One ninth shall go to the youngest son: 2 camels. 9 plus 6 plus 2 makes 17 camels. That leaves one camel left over which I would ask that you give back to me.” The sons were very happy with this practical solution. They not only gave the man back his camel but loaded it with gifts of appreciation. Relevance. Those engaged in Vienna VA marriage counseling as well as Herndon marriage counselingare well aware of the benefits of brainstorming and thinking outside the box to help couple create paths to peace. As you and your spouse address problems in your marriage, make the time and space to try this approach for yourselves. You have little to lose and much to gain. Dr. Kenneth Newberger, Ph.D., Conflict Analysis and Resolution