David Mandel & Associates , LLC May 9, 2013

Partnership with Domestic Violence Survivors: Critical to Helping Children Heal, Building Collaborative Relationships and Supporting the Mission of Child Welfare David Mandel & Associates, LLC May 9, 2013

Safe and Together™ Principles 1 Keeping child Safe and Together™ with non-offending parent Safety Healing from trauma Stability and nurturance 2 Partnering with non-offending parent as default position Efficient Effective Child-centered 3 Intervening with perpetrator to reduce risk and harm to child Engagement Accountability Courts (c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC Do not reproduce or distribute without permission

What do the Experts Say? • Most domestic violence survivors continue parenting, nurturing, appropriately disciplining and supporting their children • The most healing intervention for a child is to remain in the care of the adult survivor • Children who witness domestic violence can be harmed when unnecessarily removed from the adult survivor • If you want to keep children safe and well, partner with the adult survivor (c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC Do not reproduce or distribute without permission

What does the Survivor Bring to the Table? (c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC Do not reproduce or distribute without permission Nurturance Affection Stability Hope Discipline Planning Safety Fun Love Healing Provide financially Shared Experience Familiarity Family Supervision Positive Example Educational help

What is Partnership? • A professional engagement with domestic violence survivors that is mutually* beneficial. • *Survivors gain resources, assistance and support from child protection to aid their efforts at keeping children safe. Child protection gains necessary information and a partner in keeping children safe. (c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC Do not reproduce or distribute without permission

Partnership Doesn’t Happen in a Vacuum… What if she doesn’t tell us where he is? What if she’s done everything we’ve asked her to do? What if she is my favorite client? What if this is the third referral? The tenth? What is she was abused in a previous relationship? What if she’s lying? What if I think she’s making things worse? What if I have to remove the children anyway? What if she wants to stay in the relationship? NONE OF THESE IS A REASON TO AVOID PARTNERSHIP WITH SURVIVORS (c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC Do not reproduce or distribute without permission

“Yardstick” Exercise “What yardstick do you use to measure the survivor’s protective efforts?”

What Children Exposed to Perpetrators’ Behaviors Need • How is the survivor relating to the children around safety, stability, nurturance and healing from trauma? • How do we assess the survivor’s efforts to relate to the children in these ways? • How do we document these efforts? (c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC Do not reproduce or distribute without permission

What do Children Gain from Partnerships with Survivors? • Models positive interactions with survivors: • The children have heard blaming, verbal abuse and criticisms of the survivor which may shape how they see her • Partnership models respectful language and interaction • Partnership models looking at survivors’ strengths and positive parenting • Children may learn how hard the survivor is working to keep them safe and well • Child-focused • Keeps the focus on the children instead of the survivors’ hopes/relationship status/feelings about the perpetrator • Assesses needs of children regardless of relationship status • Acknowledges child trauma • Provides context for children’s needs/isolation/behavioral issues • Encourages healing in the relationship between the survivor and children (c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC Do not reproduce or distribute without permission

David Mandel & Associates , LLC May 9, 2013