Judge James Tamm

1. AIMC National Conference March 24, 2004 – Orlando Accountable Collaboration Judge James Tamm

2. Radiant Transit Discussion Guidelines • Information … not evidence • Focus on yourself • Not interested in right or wrong • Did you produce the results you wanted • Listen carefully

3. How to Collaborate Successfully • Go first • Pay attention to responses • Be open and direct about your intentions • Keep talking • Forgive quickly • Agree on systems for conflict resolution • Regular reviews – active monitoring • Graduated sanctions • Use Interest-Based Problem Solving

4. 5 Elements of Successful Collaborative Relationships • Collaborative intention • Truthfulness • Self-Accountability • Self-Awareness • Skillful Methodologies

5. UCB Research Results Adversarial relationships reduced from 70% to 1%

6. UCB Research Results High trust relationships increased from 10% to 62%

7. UCB Research Results Effective communication is increased from 6% to 71%

8. UCB Research Results • 89% of participants reported more effectiveness in resolving conflict and managing differences • Almost all participants reported a positive impact on both the process & products of their relationship • Gains were sustainable

9. State of California Research • Rate of disputes reduced 85% in groups trained three years earlier. • Savings of $670,000 in one area alone.

10. Research Results 44.8% Improvement 49.5% Improvement Extremely Effective Extremely Ineffective Before After Before After Getting Interests Met Reducing Defensiveness Mayte Barba study of participants from 9 countries over a 6 year period.

11. Competitive attitude • Competitive • Short term • Defensive • Seeks to win – Self only • Feels like war • Reactive - Rigid

12. Thumb Wrestling • Object – Win points • Select a partner • No talking • 1 point per thumb pin • Start & stop by my signal • Keep count of your points

13. Collaborative attitude • Collaborative • Long-term • Seeks mutual gains • Sees others as partners • Seeks solutions not blame • Open to influence – Flexible • Seeks understanding

14. Who am I thumb wrestling with? • In order to be more effective, I must be more collaborative with: • 1_______________________ • 2_______________________ • 3_______________________

15. Premise: • A defense system is not to protect yourself against others. It is to defend yourself against feeling your own fear. • So, …….. shifts occur when you let yourself feel the fear.

16. Defenses are: • Always fear based • Charged with energy & biologically based • Unconscious • Autonomous • Only temporary relief AND….. WE HAVE THEM FOR A REASON.

17. Defensiveness causes problemsIt distorts our reality and we spend more energy on Self-Preservation than on Problem Solving

18. Conflict Lifeline • Draw a visual history of major conflicts in your life • Use Pictures, Symbols, Words • Reflect upon past and current family and relationships

22. Reflect back on your Conflict Lifeline: • What defenses did you use to cope with these situations? • Do you see any patterns?

23. Signs of defensiveness • Check all that apply • Circle your top 3

24. When you get defensive: • Take responsibility for yourself • Slow down • Confront any negative self-talk • CYA • Detach • Start again

25. Defensiveness Action Plan • When my early warning system tells me I’m getting defensive, i.e. I notice myself doing: • 1.____________________ • 2.____________________ • 3.____________________ • I will take the following action: • 1.____________________ • 2.____________________

26. Levels Of Openness • -1. Self-Deception • 0. Withholding • 1. You are………….. • 2. Toward you I feel……….. • 3. Because……….. • 4. From you I sense (The story I tell myself……………)

27. 4. From you I sense (The story I tell myself is…….) orWhat must you be thinking about me to treat me this way?e.g. You don’t think I’m important, I’m trustworthy, I’m significant, I’m competent, I’m likable, etc.

28. Levels Of Openness • -1. Self-Deception • 0. Withholding • 1. You are………….. • 2. Toward you I feel……….. • 3. Because……….. • 4. The story I tell myself…………… • 5. About myself I fear…………..

29. 5. About myself I fear………. • The reason my button gets pushed when you don’t think I’m (significant, competent, likable, ______________, etc.) is because it reminds me that I feel this way, and I don’t want to feel that feeling. • I don’t like it (or you) when you remind me of that!

30. Levels Of Openness • -1. Self-Deception • 0. Withholding • 1. You are………….. • 2. Toward you I feel……….. • 3. Because……….. • 4. From you I sense (The story I tell myself is……………) • 5. About myself I fear…………..

31. Self-Accountability (Choice) Being accountable for the choices we make is the key attitude for empowerment. I have no choice. I may not choose all I choose it all. I may Things happen and I that happens to me not be aware of my don’t have any but I do choose my choices at all times, choice about how I reactions but I am always respond making choices __________________________________________________________________________ 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

32. We act the way we do because we expect payoffs. What are some payoffs for not being accountable for my choices? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

33. Interest-Based Problem Solving • Set tone & discuss process • Develop problem statement • Focus on interests – not positions • Know your contingency plan • Jointly develop options • Reach clear agreements

34. Interests • Desires, wants, needs underlying the problem • Easier to reconcile interests than positions • Interests may not be conflicting • There are many ways to meet an interest • Ask Questions • Intangibles

35. Contingency Plan • What you can do without agreement • Understanding C.P. protects against: • Accepting bad agreements • Rejecting good agreements • Can you improve your CP?

36. Options -- Solutions • Be firm about interests – Flexible about how you get them met • Always look for mutual gains • Jointly invent many options

37. Closure -- Agreement • Evaluate options • Check proposals against: • Interests of both parties • Contingency plans • Seek clarity & commitment

38. Next Steps for Long Term Change • Maintenance of Relationship • Demonstrating Leadership Commitment • Developing Constituency Support • Management of Issues and Expectations

39. Closing session worksheet What have I learned today that has had the most impact? About myself _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ About my organization _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ How will I apply what I learned? _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ What support will be helpful for me to accomplish my goals? _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

40. Thanks for attendingBCon WSA International James Tamm 1-800-462-5874 jamestamm@firo.com www.firo.net