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Feedback.

Feedback. Game plan. Biggest problems:. “Wordiness” or “filler” – sentences with lots of words that say nothing at all, and make no point. Informal language Personal pronouns: you, me, we, us, I Commas (We will cover conclusions on Wednesday). The good news?. Creativity was excellent.

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Feedback.

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  1. Feedback. Game plan.

  2. Biggest problems: • “Wordiness” or “filler” – sentences with lots of words that say nothing at all, and make no point. • Informal language • Personal pronouns: you, me, we, us, I • Commas • (We will cover conclusions on Wednesday)

  3. The good news? Creativity was excellent.

  4. Wordiness/ “Filler” • “After close examination it becomes evident that…” • “And a way for readers to make a connection to other literary works” • “It is apparent that” • “Indeed,” • “It is incredibly clear that” • “Shelley could try to be showing through these allusions…” • “Shelley does an excellent job at” • “The author uses allusion to make references to characters and situations from other bodies of texts in appropriate areas”

  5. There’s more… • “To that end” • “When reading Frankenstein, if one is paying close attention, he or she is sure to find a number of allusions” • “It is quite apparent” • “There are many allusions to keep an eye out for” • “The greatest and most direct reference to the poem” • “Goes as far as saying” • “Brilliantly”

  6. Ask yourself: Can I say the same thing in a more clear and concise way? Am I actually making a point, or am I just rambling – writing what I kind of think I should be writing?

  7. Informal Language • “Humans have gotten” • “Wasn’t” • “I found that her allusions” • “Follow in their footsteps” • “Tossed aside” • “Old tale” • “There are a few” • “On the loose” • “In this mess” • “Keep an eye out for” • “Goes as far as saying”

  8. Ask yourself: • Am I using a cliché/figurative language? “On the loose” “Keep an eye out for” etc. • Is this something I would use in a formal, academic response? Or is it more suited to a conversation with a friend?

  9. Commas

  10. Lady Gaga who is one of the best singers in the world came to my house to do my laundry. The frail smelly Zombie lunged towards me.

  11. We’re in this together!

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