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Feedback. Game plan. Biggest problems:. “Wordiness” or “filler” – sentences with lots of words that say nothing at all, and make no point. Informal language Personal pronouns: you, me, we, us, I Commas (We will cover conclusions on Wednesday). The good news?. Creativity was excellent.
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Feedback. Game plan.
Biggest problems: • “Wordiness” or “filler” – sentences with lots of words that say nothing at all, and make no point. • Informal language • Personal pronouns: you, me, we, us, I • Commas • (We will cover conclusions on Wednesday)
The good news? Creativity was excellent.
Wordiness/ “Filler” • “After close examination it becomes evident that…” • “And a way for readers to make a connection to other literary works” • “It is apparent that” • “Indeed,” • “It is incredibly clear that” • “Shelley could try to be showing through these allusions…” • “Shelley does an excellent job at” • “The author uses allusion to make references to characters and situations from other bodies of texts in appropriate areas”
There’s more… • “To that end” • “When reading Frankenstein, if one is paying close attention, he or she is sure to find a number of allusions” • “It is quite apparent” • “There are many allusions to keep an eye out for” • “The greatest and most direct reference to the poem” • “Goes as far as saying” • “Brilliantly”
Ask yourself: Can I say the same thing in a more clear and concise way? Am I actually making a point, or am I just rambling – writing what I kind of think I should be writing?
Informal Language • “Humans have gotten” • “Wasn’t” • “I found that her allusions” • “Follow in their footsteps” • “Tossed aside” • “Old tale” • “There are a few” • “On the loose” • “In this mess” • “Keep an eye out for” • “Goes as far as saying”
Ask yourself: • Am I using a cliché/figurative language? “On the loose” “Keep an eye out for” etc. • Is this something I would use in a formal, academic response? Or is it more suited to a conversation with a friend?
Lady Gaga who is one of the best singers in the world came to my house to do my laundry. The frail smelly Zombie lunged towards me.