CM 220 College Composition II UNIT 7 Seminar

1. CM 220College Composition IIUNIT 7 Seminar

2. Unit 7 Learning Activities • Reading: TheKaplan Guide to Successful Writing, ch. 14, pp. 194-204, ch. 15 (pp. 205-210) • Invention Lab 1: Getting your big idea out there • Invention Lab 2: Multimedia project (Public Service announcement) • Seminar: Multi-media possibilities • Tech lab:

3. Multi-media Outlets for Communicating your Big Idea How can you BROADCAST your message? • Blogs • Podcasts • Facebook and other online communities • PowerPoint Presentations • Other ideas? • Where do you go for information and Why? • How does each outlet affect or change the message? What strategy or outlet would you use to broadcast your message? Who would be your audience and what would your purpose be?

4. Revising your Writing to make it Stronger Revision Strategies What is revision and how does it differ from editing? • Post-Draft Outline • Paramedic Revision

5. What is a Post-Draft Outline? • A valuable part of the writing process • It allows you to “see” whether the plan the writer originally created is actually working and shows us specific weaknesses in our writing we might not otherwise be able to detect. • It gives us objectivity and builds our critical eye.

6. The Post-Draft Outline • Read your draft again. • Number each paragraph in your draft. • On a separate sheet of paper, write a corresponding number (1, 2, 3, 4…). • Read the first paragraph again and next to the corresponding number, summarize that entire paragraph in one sentence. • Continue to do this for each paragraph in your draft.

7. Post-Draft Outline, Continued Now, use your outline to help you objectively analyze your draft and locate areas that need revision: • Can you follow the logic of your paper from beginning to end? • Are there places where the connection between paragraphs seems hard to follow or hard to state? • Are there places where you feel more needs to be said? Places where you need to create a bridge between paragraphs or major ideas in your paper? • Are there paragraphs or passages that seem to repeat what has already been established earlier in the paper?  • Was there a paragraph that was particularly difficult to summarize? One that seems to belong in another place in the paper or might need to be divided in two?

8. POST-DRAFT OUTLINE WORKSHOP Read an essay entitled Curbing Parental Sports Rage (in Doc Sharing and on the following slides) and let’s create a Post-Draft outline of that essay. What do you learn about this draft and what is actually there? What recommendations would you give the writers for revising the draft and making it more effective?

9. Curbing Parental Sports Rage, 1 A child’s world is full of violence. It appears in video games, films, and TV programs, and many parents in the hope of removing their children from some of this violence are encouraging and sometimes pushing their children into participating in organized sports. Unfortunately, this same violence is creeping into Little League, Pee Wee football, soccer, basketball, and hockey, in the form of the parents’ and coaches’ poor conduct and rage. This violent behavior on the part of parents and coaches must be curbed and we must bring back into the game the learning of the rules and skills of the sport and a sense of good sportsmanship and values.

10. Curbing Parental Sports Rage, 2 Some parents are losing sight of why these children are playing--and that to the children is what they are doing: “playing.” Many parents come to their child’s practice or game with their own agenda of win, win, win at all costs. The team winning, the points scored, who is the big scorer: these are the issues that have replaced fun and sportsmanship in the eyes of these parents. These unreasonable expectations of winning, not messing up, being the star player, and making mom and/or dad proud are everything. “These parents expect perfection from their children, the coaches and the referees” (Sachs, 2000, p.62). It no longer is for the kids. Maybe Mom or Dad were promising athletes in their youth and for one reason or another were robbed of their hopes and are pinning all of their own wants, needs, wishes, and “what ifs” on their child or children (Kehe, 2000). The major problem seems to be that these parents are not considering what the children want. According to a “Kidthink” survey conducted by Jerry Kirshenbaum (1993) for Sports Illustrated, the kids want things like “unlimited free throws until they miss in basketball, everyone having a turn to play, less violence in hockey, using their hands in soccer, and to have fun” (p.12). Perhaps the parents should listen to the children on this issue.

11. Curbing Parental Sports Rage, 3 Originally, the purpose of organized sports for young children was to teach them the basics of the game and skills needed to play, to practice good sportsmanship, and to have fun. If we look back to the beginnings of organized sports over 100 years ago, the purpose then was to get the growing numbers of rowdy children off the streets and to teach them values (Nack & Munson, 2000). Joe Fish, director of the Center for Sports Psychology in Philadelphia adds to this stating, “The main purpose of youth sports is to emphasize effort, participation and skill development” (as cited in Nack & Munson, 2000, p. 6). According to Fish, parents and coaches are too worried about the outcome of the game and are getting away from the initial purpose. In addition, Thomas Tutko, Professor Emeritus of sports psychology at San Jose State University and a member of the National Alliance for Youth Sports (NAYS) board says, “Kids rank winning about seventh or eighth down on the list. […] Children’s sports are supposed to teach skills and values – such as fair play, working with others and dealing well with adversity- that kids can draw upon throughout their lives” (as cited in Nack & Munson, 2000, p. 6). What has gone wrong with that purpose? Where has this sense of sportsmanship, learning, and fun gone?

12. Curbing Parental Sports Rage, 8 Parents across the United States and into Canada need to let go of their own agendas, and athletic associations need to enforce parental and coaching codes of conduct through classes and training. As a result, the world of youth sports can be returned to the children where they can all learn to enjoy a sport, learn the skills of a sport, play, and most of all have fun.

13. Paramedic Revision Paramedic Revision is a sentence level revision strategy that helps to make writing more clear and concise. It revives tired, wordy, and awkward sentences and makes them more readable

14. Steps to Paramedic Revision • Circle the prepositions (of, in, about, for, onto, into) • Draw a box around the "is" verb forms • Ask, "Where's the action?" • Change the "action" into a simple verb • Move the doer into the subject (Who's kicking whom) • Eliminate any unnecessary slow wind-ups • Eliminate any redundancies. (Paramedic Revision, 2010).

15. An Example… Who is acting here? What is the action? The point I wish to make is that the employees working at this company are in need of a much better manager of their money. is at are in of of Can this phrase be more concise?

16. Revised Sentence Employees at this company need a better money manager.

17. How would you revise these sentences? • It is widely known that the engineers at Sandia Labs have become active participants in the Search and Rescue operations in most years. • After reviewing the results of your previous research, and in light of the relevant information found within the context of the study, there is ample evidence for making important, significant changes to our operating procedures. (Paramedic Revision, 2010).