Seven Rules of High Self-Esteem for the Emerging Leader

1. Seven Rules of High Self-Esteem for the Emerging Leader

2. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Introduction Who Am I “My Why” 38 slides

3. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Share How do you define self-esteem? Think of an example of a leader you know with high self-esteem? Why do you think they had high self-esteem? On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate your self-esteem? Take 3 minutes and share with person to your right.

4. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Definition of Self-Esteem “Self-esteem consists of self-efficacy (competency) & self-respect (worthiness)“ Nathaniel Branden

5. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Definition of Self-Efficacy “Self-efficacy (competency) entails the expectation of success as natural” Nathaniel Branden

6. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Definition of Self-Respect “Self-respect (worthiness) entails the expectation of friendship, love and happiness as natural” Nathaniel Branden

7. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem for the Emerging Leader

8. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem • The Practice of Living Consciously • The Practice of Self-Acceptance • The Practice of Self-Responsibility • The Practice of Self-Assertiveness • The Practice of Living Purposefully • The Practice of Personal Integrity • The Practice of Courage

9. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #1 – Living Consciously • One must choose to live consciously • Embrace truth, facts and reality. • Wishes or fears or denials do not alter facts. • “If a statement is true, my denying it will not make it false.”

10. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #1 – Living Consciously • How to live consciously • To live consciously means to seek to be aware of everything that bears on our actions, purposes, values and goals… and to behave in accordance with that which we see and know. • Living consciously implies respect for the facts of reality.

11. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #1 – Living Consciously • How to live consciously – cont. • A mind that is active vs. passive. An intelligence that takes joy in its own function • Being concerned to know “where I am” relative to my goals & aspirations • Searching for feedback from environment so as to adjust my course when necessary (also mentors, coaches…) • Am I choosing to live consciously?

12. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #2 – Self-Acceptance • The Practice of Self-Acceptance • Without self-acceptance, self-esteem is impossible. • Self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship to myself. • I cannot forgive myself for an action I will not acknowledge having taken.

13. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #2 – Self-Acceptance • The Practice of Self-Acceptance • The ultimate crime against ourselves: the disowning of positives. • We can be as frightened of our assets as of our shortcomings. • Turn to person to your right and share two positive assets you have as an emerging leader. 3 minutes

14. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #3 – Self-Responsibility • The Practice of Self-Responsibility • To feel competent to live and worthy of happiness, I need to experience a sense of control over my existence. This requires that I be willing to take responsibility for my actions and the attainment of my goals. This means I take responsibility for my life and well-being. • I am responsible for the achievement of my desires. • No one owes me the fulfillment of my wishes.

15. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #3 – Self-Responsibility • The Practice of Self-Responsibility – cont. • I am responsible for how I prioritize my time. • I am responsible for the quality of my communications. • I am responsible for my personal happiness. • Taking responsibility for my happiness is empowering. It places my life back in my own hands.

16. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #3 – Self-Responsibility • The Practice of Self-Responsibility – cont. • I am responsible for choosing the values by which I live. • I am responsible for raising my self-esteem. • Often what people call “thinking” is merely recycling the opinion of others. (clichés)

17. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #3 – Self-Responsibility • To acquire self-responsibility – Believe that… • I am responsible for the achievement of my desires. • I am responsible for my choices and actions. • I am responsible for my behavior with others. • I am responsible for my personal happiness. • I am responsible for accepting and choosing my values. • I am responsible for raising my self-esteem. • Turn to the person on your left and repeat 2 of these

18. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #4 – Self-Assertiveness • The Practice of Self-Assertiveness • Self-assertiveness means honoring my wants, needs, and value and seeking appropriate forms of their expression... • It means the refusal to fake my person to be liked. • Self-assertiveness means the willingness to stand up for myself, to be who I am openly, to treat myself with respect in all human encounters. Ask yourself “Do I honor and treat myself with respect?”

19. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #5 – Living Purposefully • The Practice of Living Purposefully • To live without purpose is to live at the mercy of chance… • To live purposefully is to use our powers for the attainment of goals we have selected… • To live purposefully is, among other things, to live productively, which is a necessity of making ourselves competent to life.

20. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #5 – Living Purposefully • The Practice of Living Purposefully – cont. • Productivity is the act of supporting our existence by translating our thoughts into reality, of setting our goals and working for their achievement, of bringing knowledge, goods or services into existence. • It is not that achievements “prove” our worth but rather that the process of achieving is the means by which we develop our effectiveness, our competence at living. • Self-discipline is the ability to organize our behavior over time in the service of specific tasks.

21. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #5 – Living Purposefully • The Practice of Living Purposefully – cont. • Self-discipline requires the ability to defer immediate gratification in the service of a remote goal. • The root of our self-esteem is not our achievements but those internally generated practices that, among other things, make it possible for us to achieve.

22. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #6 – Personal Integrity • The Practice of Personal Integrity • Integrity is the integration of ideals, convictions, standards, beliefs and behavior. When behavior is congruent with our professed values, when ideals and practice match, we have integrity. • Integrity means congruence. Words and behaviors match. • Most of the issues of integrity we face are not big issues but small ones, yet the accumulated weight of our choices has an impact on our sense of self. • The essence of guilt, whether major or minor, is moral self-reproach.

23. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #6 – Personal Integrity • The Practice of Personal Integrity – cont. • Generally speaking, five steps are needed to restore one’s sense of integrity… • We must own the fact that it is we who have taken the particular action. We own, we accept, we take responsibility. • We seek to understand why we did what we did. • We acknowledge explicitly to the relevant person or persons the harm we have done. • We take any and all actions available that might make amends for or minimize the harm we have done. • We firmly commit ourselves to behaving differently in the future.

24. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #6 – Personal Integrity • The Practice of Personal Integrity – cont. • Sometimes, of course, there is no way to undo the harm, and we must accept and make our peace with that; we cannot do more than what is possible.

25. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #7 – Courage • How you deal with and overcome fear will greatly impact your self-esteem • Self-esteem has much to do with how capable am I to deal with the life and its daily fears… What is your definition of fear & courage? Discuss with person to your left for 2 minutes.

26. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Fear!

27. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem The anticipation or expectation of future pain.

28. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem What are the three most common reactions to fear?

29. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Fight Flight Freeze

30. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem What is the solution to our fear?

31. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Courage!

32. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #7 – Courage The willingness to accept the possibility of pain. Think of a time when you were courageous and did what needed to be done in spite of the fear. Share w person to your left. 2 minutes

33. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #7 – Courage Look at and understand the fear… • Accept that one is in fear • What is the underlying “pain” • What is the self-talk - “I am not competent or worthy or…” (public speaking, imposter syndrome)

34. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Rule #7 – Courage Look at and understand the fear… • Talk with someone about it. • Become accountable to an outside source. (God, child, friend…) • Understand and use courage.

35. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Wrap Up • The Practice of Living Consciously • The Practice of Self-Acceptance • The Practice of Self-Responsibility • The Practice of Self-Assertiveness • The Practice of Living Purposefully • The Practice of Personal Integrity • The Practice of Overcoming Fear Any questions or comments?

36. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Conclusion Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you… We are all meant to shine… And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”  Marianne Williamson – A Return to Love

37. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Further Reading • Psychology of Self-Esteem - Nathaniel Branden • 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem – Nathaniel Branden • The Speed of Trust – Stephen Covey • Deep Work – Cal Newport • James Clear’s Blog • Grit – Angela Duckworth

38. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem Contact Info Ken Miller, CFRE President Denali Fundraising Consultants ken@denalifsp.com 907 250-8488 Please feel free to contact me anytime. Thank you!