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Communicating Gender Matters. Oklahoma State University ADVANCE Program March 23, 2011 Facilitator: Brenda J. Allen University of Colorado Denver. Goals. Explore gender matters re: effective and empowered communication Empowered: enabled; self-actualized
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Communicating Gender Matters Oklahoma State University ADVANCE Program March 23, 2011 Facilitator: Brenda J. Allen University of Colorado Denver
Goals • Explore gender matters re: effective and empowered communication • Empowered: enabled; self-actualized • Effective: producing an intended result • Generate strategies for applying lessons learned
Communicating • Sharing meaning • Verbal, nonverbal • Diverse formal and informal contexts • Various media
Language is power, in ways more literal than most people think. When we speak, we exercise the power of language to transform reality. Julia Penelope
Powerless Speech • Hedges: “I'm not really sure, but..” • Tags: • Verbal – “It's about time we started, isn't it?” • Vocal – Upward inflection • Nonverbal – Shrugs, facial expressions • Hesitations: “uh,” “like” • Intensifiers: “very,” “really,” “absolutely” • Ritual apologies
Negotiate To confer with someone to settle something
The most common way people give up their poweris by thinking they don't have any. Alice Walker
Gender and Negotiation* • Men initiate negotiations 4-8 times more often • 20% percent of women say they never “negotiate” at all • Women fear damaging relationships • Women feel more apprehensive • Different connotations: • Men -- “winning a ball game” and “a wrestling match” • Women – “going to the dentist” • Women are more pessimistic about potential; thus, they: • Set lower goals • Obtain less when they do negotiate • Are less satisfied with outcomes *Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever (2003). Women Don’t Ask.
Negotiation -- Recommendations • Reframe attitude toward negotiation • Practice asking • Double check all assumptions • Use information to your advantage • Learn to make credible “threats” • Be clear, precise and assertive when asking
Assertive Communication Positive, confident, affirmative statements and behavior
Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it. Maya Angelou
Communicating Assertively • Ask “wiifm?” • Maintain agency • Focus on actionable issues • Focus on outcome and vision • Maintain a clear sense of purpose • Strive for dialogue, not debate • Use objective language • Choose communication medium strategically • Be aware of body language
Assertive Communication – DESO* • Describe • Define the situation • Express • State your observations clearly • Emphasize + • Stay calm • Use “I” statements • Avoid martyrdom • Specify • Decide ahead of time what you want • Be clear and brief • Frame request positively • Focus on behavior • Outcome • Feelings, results, reward, or punishment Bower, S. A., & Bower, G. H. (1991). Asserting yourself: A practical guide for positive change. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley Publishing
How to say “no.” • Use assertive nonverbal cues • Postpone responding • Don’t make unnecessary excuses • Be willing to accept consequences • Don’t ask for permission • If appropriate, offer alternatives
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt
Recommendations • Refine communication skills • Request and provide professional development • Work within your spheres of influence • Experiment • Collaborate with other female faculty • Cultivate networks • Inventory gender equity and assert change processes • Educate advocates, allies, and administrators
Resources • Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever • Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide • Ask for It • Phyllis Mindell • How to Say It for Women • Jack Canfield and Mark Hansen • The Aladdin Factor • Brenda J. Allen • Difference Matters: Communicating Social Identity • Implicit Association Tests www.implicit.harvard.edu • Women in Higher Education http://www.wihe.com/ • The Chair’s Role in Helping Faculty Negotiate Work and Family Issues: http://www.acenet.edu/resources/chairs/docs/Ward_Wolf_Wendel.pdf
I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship. Louisa May Alcott