Chapter 1

1. Chapter 1 A first look at interpersonal

2. Why we communicate • Psychologist William Schutz: Basic Needs • Affection-desire to give & receive love & liking • Inclusion-desire to be social & be included • Control-desire to influence people & events

3. The interpersonal imperative • Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: • Physical Needs Survival-air, food, sex • Safety Needs Shelter, authorities, key master, Medical, pay check • Belonging Needs Inclusion, fun, groups • Self-Esteem Need Intelligence, abilities • Self-Actualization Needs Full development of unique talents

4. Participating effectively in a diverse society • Depends on: • ability to participate effectively in a diverse society-2012 CA-12%-+65 yrs, Latino-38%, Asian-14% • Understanding & learning from others who different from us

5. models • One-Way model • Exercise • Feedback models • Interactive • transactional

6. One-way • Linear – one acts on another “Clean the kitchen!” (encode) (noise) Sender *Shortcomings: Not passive receivers Complicated messages (decode) Receiver

7. interactive Give feedback Create & interpret messages (encode) (noise) (decode) Sender-message Receiver Feedback loop-Do you realize that we’re actually having a quiet moment together? So how do we start?” “I was hoping you’d remember?” (parents!) Shortcomings: still perceived as sequential Does not capture dynamism

8. transactional • Emphasizes dynamism & multiple roles • Varies over time, affecting our broadened relationships (encoding/ Noise (decoding/ decoding) encoding) Sender/ Receiver message sent Receiver/Sender -Simultaneous -Ongoing -More realistic

9. Transactional • Newish parents: “Tired?” “I’m exhausted. She was up 4 times last & wouldn’t go back to sleep. I think she has a new tooth coming in, & it’s keeping her up.” “Well, I have tomorrow off. I’ll get up with her, and you can sleep in.” “Thanks.” “You seem a little distant tonight. What is it?” “Oh, there’s a lot happening at work that I’m missing—things I’d like to be involved with, but since I’m part-time now, I can’t really take them on.” “Man, we really need to watch our spending this month. We’re pretty tight here.”

10. Resource package • Related to encoding & decoding • Each of us carries this package around making us unique individuals • It is made of a variety of factors: • Past experiences • Education/Knowledge-formal & informal • Culture • Values • Beliefs • Feelings/emotions • Expectations • Relationship knowledge • Assumptions

11. Buberfirst definition of interpersonal communication • “between people” • Not always personal • I/It relationships: treat others almost as objects, not as unique people, but as their role, i.e., • Salespeople, servers, gas station attendants, bank tellers, dog walkers, homeless • I/You relationships: more personal, affirm the existence of others, beyond the role, no deep conversation, majority of our relationships, i.e., • Work colleagues, teammates, classmates, perhaps instructors • I/Thou relationships: rarest, regarded as highest form of human dialogue, affirm other as cherished & unique, accept in totality, open ourselves, trusting, i.e., • Best friends, lovers, etc.

12. Features of Interpersonal communication • Communication is: • Selective-we choose to communicate • Systemic-takes place in various systems, i.e., Costa Mesa OCC Comm Studies class-affects how we all communicate with one another (Note how the package of resources enters into this factor) • Interdependent systems & they affect one another • Noise is also part of systems-4 types of noise that can distort the message as it passes through the “system” or channel • Physiological- how we feel • Physical- environment • Psychological- interpretation of messages • Semantic- language not mutually understood

13. Features continued • Individual • Trust • Self-disclosing-2-way • Unique • Irreplaceable • Establish rules • Processual • Continuous & ongoing • No discrete beginning or ending • Interwoven past, present, future • Irreversible

14. Features cont. • Transactional • Communication between two people is continual & simultaneous • Share responsibility for effectiveness-use of metacommunication, ie, I did not hear you-please speak up. • Technology & communication • Personal knowledge • Communication fosters\ communication & • Creates personal knowledge

15. Feature-final one • Meaning Creating • Shared meaning between people using the resource package • Develop vocabularies that are for them, ie, my family uses lines from favorite films • Meanings • Content meaning-literal meaning, ie, “Clean your room now” means the room is to be cleaned immediately • Relationship meaning-between the communicators, ie, the parent has the right to order the child due to unequal power relationship

16. 3 dimensions of relationship-level meanings • Responsiveness-how aware of others & how involved with them we are, ie, you are chatting & the friend is texting… • Low context culture-Western world, uses little eye contact when preoccupied • High context culture-Eastern world, uses eye contact, nodding, feedback demonstrating involvement • Liking or affection-degree of positive or negative feelings communicated; use tone of voice, facial expressions, how close we sit to them… • Power or control-balance of power, how is it distributed, ie, parent/child, friend/friend, significant other

17. More on Power • One-up/One-down=Dominant/Submissive • Parent/child • Husband/wife • Symmetrical=equality • Roommates • Partners • Friends • Parallel=choice of one above • Couple will make a choice has to how they can operate for a time period

18. Principles of interpersonal communication • We cannot not communicate • Irreversible • Involves ethical choices • Construct meanings • Metacommunication affects meanings • Develops & sustains relationships • Not a panacea • Can be learned

19. guidelines for competence • Develop a range of skills • Adapt • Engage in dual perspective • Monitor your communication • Commit to ethical & effective communication

20. YouTube video • “I Forgot my Phone”-( 2 min.) • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OINa46HeWg8 • Are we addicted? • Have we gone too far? • What can we do about it?