Choices in Relationships

1. Choices in Relationships Chapter Seven: Mate Selection

2. Cultural Aspects of Mate Selection • Endogamy • Endogamy is the cultural expectation to select a marriage partner within one’s own social group, such as race, religion, and social class. • Exogamy • There is also the cultural expectation that one will marry outside his or her own family group. This expectation is known as exogamy.

3. Sociological Factors Operative in Mate Selection • Homogamy • Homogamy refers to individual initiative toward sameness. • Common homogenous characteristics: • Age • Race • Religion • Education • Social class • Physical appearance • Marriage status • Personality • Propinquity

4. Sociological Factors Operative in Mate Selection • Homogamy

5. Sociological Factors Operative in Mate Selection • Spirituality and Religion and a Couple’s Relationship • Couples with a homogeneous religious marriage may have greater marital stability and a lower chance of divorce due to the value of religion for resolving conflicts. • Religious literature often provides practical, down-to-earth suggestions for relationship enhancement.

6. Psychological Factors Operative in Mate Selection • Complementary-Needs Theory • Complementary-needs theory states that we tend to select mates whose needs are opposite and complementary to our own. • Parental Characteristics • Role theory and modeling theory emphasize that a son or daughter models after the parent of the same sex by selecting a partner similar to the one the parent selected.

7. Psychological Factors Operative in Mate Selection • Exchange Theory • Exchange theory emphasizes that mate selection is based on assessing who offers the greatest rewards at the lowest cost. • Five concepts help to explain the exchange process in mate selection. • Rewards • Cost • Profit • Loss • Alternative

8. Psychological Factors Operative in Mate Selection • Desired Personality Characteristics for a Potential Mate • Men and women report that the personality characteristics of being warm, kind, open, and having a sense of humor were very important to them in selecting a romantic/sexual partner.

9. Psychological Factors Operative in Mate Selection • Personality Characteristics Predictive of Divorce • Poor impulse control • Hypersensitivity • Inflated ego • Being neurotic • Anxiety • Insecurity • Control

10. Cultural, Sociological, and Psychological Filters in Mate Selection

11. Sociobiological Factors Operative in Mate Selection • In contrast to cultural, sociological, and psychological aspects of mate selection, which reflect a social learning assumption, the sociobiological perspective suggests that biological/genetic factors may be operative in mate selection. • Definition of Sociobiology • Sociobiology suggests a biological basis for all social behavior—including mate selection.

12. Sociobiological Factors Operative in Mate Selection • Criticisms of the Sociobiological Perspective • Critics argue that women may show concern for the earning capacity of men because women have been systematically denied access to similar economic resources, and selecting a mate with these resources is one of their remaining options. • In addition, it is argued that both women and men, when selecting a mate, think about their partners more as companions than as future parents of their offspring.

13. Engagement • Asking Specific Questions • Since partners may neither ask nor reveal information that they feel will be met with disapproval during casual dating, the engagement is a time to get specific about the other partner’s thoughts, feelings, values, goals, and expectations. • Refer to the Involved Couple’s Inventory.

14. Engagement • Visiting Partner’s Parents • If you want to know what your partner may be like in the future, look at his or her parent of the same sex. • And, if you want to know how your partner is likely to treat you in the future, observe the way your partner’s parent of the same sex treats and interacts with his or her spouse.

15. Engagement • Premarital Programs and Counseling • Some premarital couples attend the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP). • Not only have couples who learned how to communicate and negotiate conflict been less likely than a control group to divorce or separate (8 percent versus 16 percent), but they reported greater marital satisfaction, fewer conflicts, and less physical violence.

16. Engagement • Premarital Programs and Counseling • Individuals who want to marry in the Roman Catholic Church are required to take premarital education. • Other faiths may also offer premarital sessions (usually three) before the wedding.

17. Engagement • Prenuptial Agreement • Designed to specify ahead of time how property will be divided if the marriage ends in divorce or when it ends by the death of one partner. • Reasons for a prenuptial agreement include the following: • Protecting assets for children from a prior relationship • Protecting business associates

18. Consider Calling Off the Wedding If . . . • If your engagement is characterized by the factors identified below, consider prolonging your engagement and delaying the marriage at least until the most distressing issues have been resolved. • Age 18 or Younger • Known Partner Less Than Two Years • Abusive Relationship • Critical Remarks

19. Consider Calling Off the Wedding If . . . • Numerous Significant Differences • On-and-Off Relationship • Dramatic Parental Disapproval • Low Sexual Satisfaction 9. Marrying for the Wrong Reason

20. Consider Calling Off the Wedding If . . . • Marrying for the Wrong Reason • Examples include: • Rebound • Escape • Unanticipated pregnancy • Psychological blackmail • Pity • Filling a void