Talking With Children About Violence: Keeping Them Safe

1. Talking With Children About Violence: Keeping Them Safe

2. Objectives • Learn about the prevalence of violence • Provide tips for talking to your children about violence • Discuss safety strategies and preventive skills • Learn how to recognize reactions to violence

3. Prevalence of Violence Against Children • In 2007, 5,764 young people ages 10 to 24 were murdered—an average of 16 each day. Of these victims, 84% were killed with firearms • In 2008, more than 656,000 young people ages 10 to 24 were treated in emergency departments for injuries sustained due to violence • In a nationwide survey of high school students: • 32% reported being in a physical fight one or more times in the 12 months preceding the survey. • 18% reported carrying a weapon (e.g., gun, knife, or club) on one or more of the 30 days preceding the survey. • An estimated 20% of 9th to 12th graders in the United States were involved in bullying as a bully, a target of bullying, or both

4. Safety Guidelines for Children • Ask, “Who is it?” when answering the phone or door and never say he or she is home alone or give any information about himself or a family member • Never go anywhere with anyone without asking a parent first • Check with a parent before changing plans • Know neighborhood boundaries, safe routes and alternatives, places to avoid and safe “havens” Teach your child to: • Memorize his or her full name and address • Dial 911 in an emergency • Keep doors locked at all times • Ask, “Who is it?” when someone knocks on the door and never open the door for strangers

5. Safety Guidelines for Children (con’t) • Never play with adults he or she does not know • To quickly get away and make a scene if someone tries to grab or take him or her • Always have the means to make an emergency call • Tell you or a trusted adult if a stranger has approached, followed or bothered him or her in any way • Never accept gifts, rides or food from strangers • Use the “buddy system” when walking outdoors and avoid isolated areas • Never get in a car with someone he or she is not expecting • Never approach a car if someone tries to talk to him or her

6. Role-Playing With Children • Pose “what if” questions to your child • Role-play dangerous situations • Practice how to answer the door and answer phone • Point out safe routes as well as places to avoid (shortcuts, alleys, dark areas, etc.)

7. Violence in the Media Parents should: • Limit screen time to 1 to 2 hours per day • Suggest healthy alternatives • Make thoughtful media choices • Use content-based media ratings make wise choices • Watch (or participate) with children • Use the v-chip • Avoid violent video games • Keep children's bedrooms media free • Understand the risks of exposure to violence • Teach children how to interpret what they see

8. Talking to Children About Media Violence • Talk about questionable content: • Glamorized, sanitized or trivialized violence • Weapon carrying and use • Intolerance • Achieving success by killing living targets • Explain that media is not reality • Talk about positive and negative reactions • Ask what your child liked or disliked • Listen to what your child has to say • Share your opinion without belittling your child’s • Discuss Internet safety with you child

9. Talking to Children About War & Terrorism • Conduct an open, honest discussion • Allow for disagreement and different points of view • Encourage children to express their opinions and feelings • Correct misinformation • Communicate the importance of tolerance and diversity • Explain that war can stem from personal conflict, misunderstanding or differences in religion and culture • Provide emotional support and cues • Pay close attention to children’s behaviors

10. Talking to Children About School Violence • Communicate school safety policies • Relay school safety policies to your children • Speak to your child openly and honestly • Keep the lines of communication open • Talk to your child about warning signs of at-risk behaviors • Teach your child to stay away from children who threaten violence and report any threats or suspicious behavior • Educate your child about guns and weapons safety • Talk about—and teach—self-control, anger management and conflict resolution skills • Teach your child how to detect uncomfortable situations or actions

11. Talking to Children About Bullying If Your Child Is Being Bullied, tell him/her to: • Talk to you or another trusted adult • Stay calm • Act confident • Try to make friends with other students • Avoid situations where bullying can happen • Explore new interests, talents and skills • Do not resort to violence or carry a gun or weapon

12. Talking to Children About Bullying (con’t) If You Suspect Your Child is Bullying Others • Do not tolerate the behavior • Talk to your child • Seek help from school or psychologist

13. Talking to Children About Gangs • Learn about gang activity in your community • Make sure your children know gangs are violent and dangers • Explain that gang type clothing can put them in danger • Strictly forbid guns and weapons • Talk to your child’s friends and their parents • Know your child’s whereabouts at all times • Talk about peer pressure

14. Talking to Children About Peer Pressure Peer Pressure • Teach your child how to say no • Talk to your child about how to avoid undesirable situations or people who break the rules • Remind your child that there is strength in numbers • Let your teen know that it is okay to seek an adult’s advice • Nurture strong self-esteem

15. Constructive Expression of Anger Parents can: • Help children develop self-awareness and self-control • Teach children to relax • Help children learn to think positively • Teach problem-solving skills • Teach communication skills • Help children learn to manage stress • Encourage children to talk about feelings of anger • Help children find ways to change the scene • Help children find a distraction

16. Conflict Resolution • Teach children to avoid or be cautious of places or situations where conflicts tend to arise • Teach children to reject taunts for a fight and find a compromise to a dispute • Help children identify options for handling a problem when conflict arises • Practice and/or role play • Teach that retaliation is not an effective response Parents can: • Teach ways to resolve conflicts peacefully • Model appropriate behavior • Help children find ways to constructively control anger • Encourage children to talk about feelings of anger • Make a firm “no weapons” rule

17. Past violent or aggressive behavior Access to guns or other weapons Bringing a weapon to school Past suicide attempts or threats Family history of violence or suicide attempts Unwillingness to accept responsibility actions Recent experience of humiliation, shame, loss, or rejection Bullying or intimidating peers or younger children A pattern of threats Being a victim of abuse or neglect Witnessing abuse or violence in the home Warning Signs of Violent Behavior

18. Themes of death or depression in communications Preoccupation with themes and acts of violence Mental illness Use of alcohol or illicit drugs Disciplinary problems at school or in the community Past destruction of property, vandalism, cruelty to animals or fire setting Poor peer relationships and/or social isolation Involvement with cults or gangs. Little or no adult supervision or support Warning Signs of Violent Behavior (con’t)

19. If Your Child Is A Victim (or Witness) of Violence • Speak openly and honestly • Keep the conversation age-appropriate • Encourage your child to express his or her feelings • Reassure your child—but avoid making false promises • Monitor the media • Speak to your child’s teachers and administrators • Pay close attention to your child • Seek professional help

20. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder • Psychological damage resulting from experiencing, witnessing or participating in an overwhelmingly traumatic event • Children have repeated episodes in which they re-experience the traumatic event • Symptoms can occur soon after the event, but typically begin several months, or even years, later • Seek professional help

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