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What's YOUR Love Language? And why is it important?

Stephnie Thomas. What's YOUR Love Language? And why is it important?. Revelation:. We all give and receive love in different ways Our relationship with God is dependent on how we best relate to Him. Loving on purpose: Danny Silk's take on the love languages.

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What's YOUR Love Language? And why is it important?

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  1. Stephnie Thomas What's YOUR Love Language? And why is it important?

  2. Revelation: • We all give and receive love in different ways • Our relationship with God is dependent on how we best relate to Him

  3. Loving on purpose: Danny Silk's take on the love languages • Forming healthyconnections between people • What are the goals of your marriage? • The distance between me and you to feel safe? OR • A loving, intimate connection? • John 15:13. No one has greater love [no one has shown stronger affection] than to lay down (give up) his own life for his friends.

  4. What are the goals of your relationships with your children? • The distance between me and you to feel safe? OR • A loving, intimate connection? • John 15:13. No one has greater love [no one has shown stronger affection] than to lay down (give up) his own life for his friends.

  5. What are the goals of your relationships with friends? • The distance between me and you to feel safe? OR • A loving, intimate connection? • John 15:13. No one has greater love [no one has shown stronger affection] than to lay down (give up) his own life for his friends.

  6. Loving on purpose • Takes work • Defenses rise when we are not connected • Living defended promotes more disconnection • Easyto slip into defensive relationships

  7. Gary Chapman, Author • "Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English" • Substitute the words child, friend, co-worker, etc for the word "spouse"

  8. God designed us with differences • 1Cor 12: [14] Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. [15] If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. [16] And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. [17] If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? [18] But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. [19] If they were all one part, where would the body be? [20] As it is, there are many parts, but one body. • [21] The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don't need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don't need you!” [22] On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, [23] and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. • We have differences in giving and receiving love. God encompasses, receives, and expresses all the differences

  9. Have you ever seen a kid beam from ear to ear when an adult tells them "well done?" • Matthew 25:21 “His master replied, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!’

  10. How? • Specific • Sincere • Look for the Gold in the other person, and speak words of encouragement • Instillcourage • Learn what is affirming to that person • When? • As often as possible • Imagine filling love tanks

  11. Connection • I feel loved when I believe that you like me • Words are life! • Words contain value for who I am • Words say I believe in you. • Smile at them • Disconnection • Hypersensitive to criticism and anger • Protect self from angry words • Important to build "hero sandwiches" – "you rock, you suck, you rock." Important to create a safe place before giving criticsm

  12. My husband shows me he really loves me when he cleans up the kitchen in the morning • Dorcas. • Acts 9:36, 39 " In Joppa there was a disciple named Tabitha (which, when translated, is Dorcas*), who was always doing good and helping the poor. …All the widows stood around him, …showing him the robes and other clothing that Dorcas had made

  13. Connection • I feel loved when you take care of things that are important to me • Doing things for them • Anticipating needs and meeting them • Accomplishing specific tasks • Disconnection • Filled with anxiety when the trash is full or the house is untidy • Can feel like control when she gives hints. She is asking to be loved! • I feel loved when you help me

  14. This person loves to give and receive gifts • The gift is special, well thought out, sometimes beautifully wrapped • Gifts can be things, time, etc • A handwritten note means far more than a store-bought card

  15. Connection Disconnection • Feels loved through the symbol of this gift • You know me through the gifts you give • You have been paying attention to me • Forget an important date: • The injury of not being thought about • Giving the wrong thing

  16. Differences in giving • Gen 4: 3-4 "Cain brought some of the fruits…But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock." • The contrast is not between an offering of plant life and an offering of animal life, but between a careless, thoughtless offering and a choice, generous offering … Motivation and heart attitude are all-important, and God looked with favor on Abel and his offering because of Abel's faith (Heb 11:4). NIVSB.

  17. If you really love me you will spend time with me • Can be as simple as a cup of coffee at Starbucks • Tim – one of his primary love languages

  18. Connection • I feel loved when you show interest in me • Sharing in an activity or conversation that is important to them • Be engaged in the conversation • Willing participation in their interests or hobbies • Disconnection • Can't have quality time with ESPN! • I feel rejected when you don't value my interests • Be distracted or uninterested • Fail to listen well • Fail to make time for connecting with them Tim – beer tasting in Williamsburg.

  19. Some people assume this is all about sex – NOT! • These are the folks for whom a hug means the world • Dulce and Gary – primary love language for them both • Me – brought up in a home where there was little to no physical touch – this is a love language I struggle with, as it is one I have to consciously remember to do

  20. Connection • Touch • I feel connected when we are touching • Physical contact • Physical proximity • Contact frequency • Disconnection • Lack of touch • I feel rejected and neglected when you don't touch me • Missed opportunities for touching • Neglecting personal daily allowance • Extended periods of time between contact • If you are not a touch love language: "get off of me!" • New moms!

  21. Why should weacknowledge each other’s love languages? • Knowing another's love language enables you to meet them where they are and helps you to know how to minister to them • It enables you to meet them where they feel loved. • Speaking their love language opens up connection

  22. Marital counseling tool: the Caring Behaviors Chart Caring behaviors chart

  23. What do you do if you realize you are disconnected? • Apologize • Look for ways to make the other feel loved – even if it is not your primary love language • Protect the connections • Understand when we disconnect • Communicate your needs

  24. Emotional Love Tanks • Gary Chapman: "Inside every child is an emotional love tank" … If the tank is not being filled, the child misbehaves. • Josiah – Acts of service. Me cooking him dinner is an act of love for him. Looks self-centered on the outside "why can't the lazy bum do it himself?" But is actually filling his love tank. • Esther – David Cox, her science teacher in 8th grade gave a significant word of encouragement – " I think you can do honors classes" – Girl finished 9th grade doing well in all honors classes with a 3.9 GPA

  25. Love Tanks??? • Recognize everyone has different love tanks • What fills up one person's love tank may barely touch another's • God is the source. He fills our love tank in the way we hear it. • Come to the relationship not to get love needs met, but to give love from God, your source of love

  26. Does God Know your Love Language? • Eph 4:8 Therefore He says: "when He ascended on high, he led captivity captive and gave gifts to men • Mark 10:13. Then they brought little children to Him that they might touchthem… • Deuteronomy 7:23. But The Lord your God will deliver (serve) them before you

  27. Does God Know your Love Language? • Judges 13:9 God listenedto the voice of Manoah: and the angel of God came again to the woman as she was sitting in the field, but Manoah her husband was a not with her • Matthew 3:17 and suddenly a voice came from heaven, saying, "this is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased (Affirm)"

  28. Think about which is your primary love language. • We will divide up across the auditorium into love language groups. • Talk about why you think you might fit in that group • Then – each group to go to another group and talk about why and how they can show connections to each other through each other’s love language

  29. Resources • http://vimeo.com/39484374 • http://www.5lovelanguages.com

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