Parent and Leadership Training

1. Parent and Leadership Training What We Can Do to Support Adolescents in Their Battle against Pornography.

2. Scary Stats… • American children begin consuming hardcore pronography at an average age of 11 • For out of five 16 year-olds regularly access pornography online • One out of three youth who viewed pornography, viewed the pornography intentionally.[1] • Seven out of ten youth have accidentally come across pornography online.[2] • Nearly 80 percent of unwanted exposure to pornography is taking place in the home (79 percent occurs in the home; 9 percent occurs at school; 7 percent other/unknown; 5 percent at a friend’s home).[3] • Kids experience unwanted exposure to sexual material via:[4] • A link came up as a result of an innocent word search (40 percent) • Clicking on a link in another site (17 percent) • A pop-up (14 percent) • Other (13 percent) • Misspelled web address (12 percent) • Don’t know (4 percent) • Internet pornography was blamed for a 20 percent increase in sexual attacks by children over three years.[6] • Roughly two-thirds (67 percent) of young men and one-half (49 percent) of young women agree that viewing pornography is acceptable.[7] • Nearly 9 out of 10 (87 percent) young men and 1 out of 3 (31 percent) young women report using pornography.[8] • Experts have warned that the rise in the viewing of pornography was implicated in a variety of problems, including a rise in the levels of STDs and teenage pregnancies.  Additionally, males aged between 12 and 17 who regularly viewed pornography had sex at an earlier stage in life and were more likely to initiate oral sex, apparently imitating what they had seen. [9] [10] • Youth who look at violent x-rated material are six times more likely to report forcing someone to do something sexual online or in-person versus youth not exposed to x-rated material. [12] • Middle-school aged boys who view X-rated content are almost three times more likely to report oral sex and sexual intercourse than boys who do not use sexually explicit material[13]  

3. External VS Internal Monitoring External We do it for them. We create a cocoon (safe places). We’re motivated to action. We see consequences they don’t. We protect. We hit the brakes. Internal They are motivated to action. They understand consequences. They monitor themselves in a lust filled world. They learn impulse control. They understand the benefits. “Your job is to work yourself out of a job”

4. Recipe For Disaster Chaos Anonymity Rigidity Affordability Accessibility Poor Example Ignorance Shame Secrecy

5. Recipe For Success Education and Awareness Openness Good Example Structure Guilt Safety Flexibility Proactivity

6. This is Dave’s Good Example vs Poor example slide

7. Trust and Safety. Share some of your flaws and struggles. Be Authentic. Overcome Awkwardness. Establish Respect. Be available. Flexible yet structured. Align yourself with them, not above or against

8. The Roots of Addiction Secrecy Shame

9. The Shame Conundrum Rigidity -------------- Chaos “Porn is Bad” “If you look at it you’re a sinner.” “You are bad if you like it.” “Good kids don’t masturbate” “It’s everywhere so why fight it” “It’s totally normal, not a problem at all” “I won’t judge you, do what you want” Structure and Flexibility

10. Educate about Healthy Sex Sex Teach about true intimacy and benefits. Normalize Excitement and Arousal. Help them Contextualize it. Differentiate Healthy vs. Unhealthy sex. Demystify through education and openness. Give Ideas about managing urges and cravings. Create a spiritual/emotional/ physical model (not a behavioral list) Help them understand Lust Fantasy, (separation from reality). Selfish. Objectifying. Unrealistic. Destructive.

11. Rules & Tools Implement both Safety Rules and use Tools to safeguard your child.

12. Valley View 11th Title of Freedom I Commit to… -Honesty Openness and Willingness. I will live my life in the light. Understanding that I make mistakes and be willing to own up to them and learn and grow from them. -Make the sacrifices needed to safeguard myself against lust. I will be proactive in establishing safety. -Rely on men of God for my support and guidance. -Be careful with my media use. Keeping boundaries and safety rules. -Actively fight for victory over lust. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I hereby make this commitment on this 28th day of October 2012. ________________________________________ _______________________________________ ________________________________________ _______________________________________ ________________________________________ _______________________________________ ________________________________________ _______________________________________ ________________________________________ _______________________________________

13. The Path to Victory (Our Program) Goals Resiliency to Shame. Rigorous Honesty. Empowered through Education and Support. Internally Motivated. Ability to Cope. Improved Relationships.

14. Questions? Brannon Patrick, LCSW Lyndy Barnard, CSW David Wilde, CMHC bpatricklcsw@gmail.com www.addictionhopeandrecovery.com (855) 455-2245