9: Interpersonal

1. 9: Interpersonal Self-Disclosure and Feedback CA 104 (Aitken)

2. Self-disclosure Divulging biographical data, personal ideas, and feelings Feedback Verbal and nonverbal responses a message CA 104 (Aitken)

3. Managing Privacy “Making a conscious decision to withhold information or feelings from a relational partner.” Self-disclosure and privacy are cyclical and should be balanced to manage the dialectical tension between openness and closedness. CA 104 (Aitken)

4. Women tend to engage in “rapport talk” to share experiences and establish bonds. Microsoft Photo CA 104 (Aitken)

5. Men tend to engage in “report talk” to share information, negotiate, and preserve independence. Microsoft Photo CA 104 (Aitken)

6. Appropriate Self-disclosure • Self-disclose the kind of information you want others to disclose to you. • Self-disclose more intimate information only when you believe the disclosure represents an acceptable risk. • Continue intimate self-disclosure only if it is reciprocated. • Move self-disclosure to deeper levels gradually. • Reserve intimate or very personal self-disclosure for ongoing relationships. CA 104 (Aitken)

7. Reciprocal self-disclosure has the greatest positive effects. CA 104 (Aitken)

8. Skills for Self Disclosure and Privacy Management • Owning feelings and opinions • Making “I” statements • People often don’t do this for two reasons • To strengthen the power of their statements • To escape responsibility CA 104 (Aitken)

9. Masking Feelings Concealing verbal or nonverbal cues that would enable others to understand how a person is feeling Displaying Feelings Expressing feelings through facial reactions, body responses, or paralinguistic reactions CA 104 (Aitken)

10. Describing Feelings • Describing feelings is the skill of naming the emotions you are feeling without judging them • Increases the likelihood of having a positive interaction and decreases the chances of creating defensiveness • BUT…many people don’t describe their feelings regularly. Why? CA 104 (Aitken)

11. Managing Privacy • Disclosure may make you vulnerable • People might judge you • Might cause harm to others or the relationship • What to do if pressed to disclose something that you are not comfortable sharing • Change the subject • Tell a “white lie” CA 104 (Aitken)

12. Asking for Feedback • Can deepen relationships • Can gain self-knowledge • How to prepare to receive feedback • Think of feedback as in your best interest • Make sure you are ready for an honest response • Take the initiative to avoid surprises CA 104 (Aitken)

13. Asking for Feedback (2) • Specify the kind of feedback you are seeking • Try to avoid negative verbal and nonverbal reactions to feedback • Paraphrase what you hear • Show gratitude for the feedback CA 104 (Aitken)

14. Giving Personal Feedback Describing Behavior Recounting specific actions of another without commenting on appropriateness Constructive Criticism Describes the negative behaviors of another and their effects CA 104 (Aitken)

15. Giving Constructive Criticism • Begin by describing the behavior • Whenever possible, preface a negative statement with a positive one • Be as specific as possible. • When appropriate, suggest how the person can change the behavior. CA 104 (Aitken)

16. Praising “Describing the specific positive behaviors or accomplishments of another and the effects that this behavior has on others.” CA 104 (Aitken)