Sample Thesis - Bad

1. Sample Thesis - Bad There were many responses to the spread of Buddhism in China. Some responses were positive towards Buddhism, some responses were neutral, and others were negative.

2. Sample Thesis - Acceptable There were many responses to the spread of Buddhism in China. Some responses were positive towards Buddhism because it promised an end to sorrow. Neutral responses attempted to reconcile Buddhism and existing faiths. Negative responses believed Buddhism went against Chinese culture.

3. Sample Thesis - Better There were a variety of responses to the spread of Buddhism in China after the fall of the Han Dynasty. Some Chinese converted to Buddhism because it promised an end to sorrow. Some Chinese attempted to reconcile Buddhism and existing Chinese beliefs. Yet, some elite Chinese believed it was destroying Chinese culture. Their responses varied according to their position and time period the document was recorded.

4. Sample Thesis - Best Chinese responses to the spread of Buddhism seemed to depend upon the time period the document was recorded. Early supporters, living in an era of political disunity, believed Buddhism could help end sorrow. As the imperial system was reestablished two additional responses emerged. Some scholars attempt to reconcile the increasing popular Buddhism with existing Chinese beliefs, while officials in government began to see Buddhism as a threat to Chinese culture.

5. Body Paragraph - Bad Some people supported Buddhism. Zhi Dun said whoever follows the teaching of Buddha will achieve nirvana at the end of their life (2). Zhi Dun said this because he was living in era of disunity.

6. Body Paragraph - Better Some Chinese believed Buddhism could help put an end to sorrow. China was experiencing a lot of sorrow due to nomadic invasions, so the idea of an afterlife free of sorrow would be appealing. Zhi Dun said whoever follows the teaching of Buddha will achieve nirvana at the end of their life (2).

7. Body Paragraph - Best Early Chinese, writing during an era of disunity, believed Buddhism could help put an end to sorrow. People tend to turn towards religions of salvation during a period of disunity and the Chinese were no exception. Buddhism provided the Chinese with a sorrow free afterlife which is an idea Confucianism did not provide. Zhi Dun believed Buddhism was worth supporting because following the teachings of the Buddha meant an afterlife of spiritual bliss (2).

8. Quoting • Using the authors exact words • “Then Jesus said to his disciples, Verily I say unto you, That a rich man shall hardly enter into the kingdom of heaven” • Never quote for three reasons • Standing alone it does not show understanding • It is not in your words so it takes longer • It was not meant to fit the context of your essay, so the quote may sound funny.

9. Paraphrasing • Using parts of the authors words or language similar to the authors words • Jesus said that a rich man will not have much of a chance of entering heaven. • Better • Shows understanding • Faster • Fits your essay better • Does NOT show original thought

10. Summarizing • Keeping the meaning of the document while providing some of your own thoughts • Jesus believed that wealth, including the wealth of merchants, could prevent people from living a life devoted to God. • Best • Shows understanding • Customized to fit your essay • Shows original thought without changing the meaning of the essay.