Revising

1. Revising Transitions, Topic Focus, Word Glue

2. Add Necessary Transitions:Clarifying the Direction of the Paragraph Original Revision with transitional sentence added Through examples in gesture and conversation, Dickens depicts Scrooge as selfish, stubborn, and pessimistic. Scrooge displays his selfishness in his treatment of his employee. For example, he keeps his door “open so that he might keep an eye upon his clerk” (13). • Through examples in gesture and conversation, Dickens depicts Scrooge as selfish, stubborn, and pessimistic. For example, he keeps his door “open so that he might keep an eye upon his clerk” (13).

3. Transitions Defining General Idea in Topic Sentence Original Revised The Christmas dinner scene at Bob Cratchit’s that Scrooge observes depicts the ideal family, a family the celebrates despite ill fortune, that encourages all its members to share in responsibility, that practices acts of selflessness. For example, despite their poverty, Mrs. Cratchit is dressed in “ribbons, which are cheap and make a goodly show for sixpence” (77), for she is able to express joy and celebration within their economic means. • The Christmas dinner scene at Bob Cratchit’s that Scrooge observes depicts the ideal family. Mrs. Cratchit is dressed in “ribbons, which are cheap and make a goodly show for sixpence” (77).

4. Maintain Topic Focus Original Revised In Lord of the Flies, Jack’s proud nature leads to the destruction of order and authority on the island. Jack’s pride first manifests itself when the conflagration,representing the boys’ only hope to leave the island, burns out due to his lack of supervision, a careless decision that commences the power struggle with Ralph. In explaining his course of action, Jack tells Ralph that “we needed meat” (65), an action defying Ralph’s authority and showing the Jack believes he knows what is best for the boys. In response to Jack’s continued rebellion, Ralph, at a nightly assembly, shouts at Jack, “You’re breaking the rules!” (84) to which Jack responds, “Who cares?” clearly showing his apathy towards Ralph’s power and his arrogance as he believes that he made the right decision. • In Lord of the Flies, Jack’s proud nature leads to the destruction of order and authority on the island. The conflagration, representing the boys’ only hope to leave the island, burns out due to his lack of supervision, a careless decision that commences the power struggle with Ralph. Ralph is the elected chief on the island and he complains about Jack hunting, even though Jack says “we need meat” (65), an action defying Ralph’s authority and showing that jack believes he knows best for the boys. Later at that night’s assembly, the boys are disorderly and ralph attempts to gain control. He even shouts at Jack, “You’re breaking the rules!” (84) to which Jack responds, “Who cares?” (84) clearly showing his apathy towards Ralph’s power and his arrogance believing he made the right decision.

5. Strategy Three:Maintain Topic Focus Original Revised In Lord of the Flies, Jack’s proud nature leads to the destruction of order and authority on the island. Jack’s pride first manifests itself when the conflagration,representing the boys’ only hope to leave the island, burns out due to his lack of supervision, a careless decision that commences the power struggle with Ralph. In explaining his course of action, Jack tells Ralph that “we needed meat” (65), an action defying Ralph’s authority and showing the Jack believes he knows what is best for the boys. In response to Jack’s continued rebellion, Ralph, at a nightly assembly, shouts at Jack, “You’re breaking the rules!” (84) to which Jack responds, “Who cares?” clearly showing his apathy towards Ralph’s power and his arrogance as he believes that he made the right decision. • In Lord of the Flies, Jack’s proud nature leads to the destruction of order and authority on the island. The conflagration, representing the boys’ only hope to leave the island, burns out due to his lack of supervision, a careless decision that commences the power struggle with Ralph. Ralph is the elected chief on the island and he complains about Jack hunting, even though Jack says “we need meat” (65), an action defying Ralph’s authority and showing that jack believes he knows best for the boys. Later at that night’s assembly, the boys are disorderly and ralph attempts to gain control. He even shouts at Jack, “You’re breaking the rules!” (84) to which Jack responds, “Who cares?” (84) clearly showing his apathy towards Ralph’s power and his arrogance believing he made the right decision.

6. Strategy Three:Maintain Topic Focus Original Revised In Lord of the Flies, Jack’s proud nature leads to the destruction of order and authority on the island. Jack’s pride first manifests itself when the conflagration,representing the boys’ only hope to leave the island, burns out due to his lack of supervision, a careless decision that commences the power struggle with Ralph. In explaining his course of action, Jack tells Ralph that “we needed meat” (65), an action defying Ralph’s authority and showing the Jack believes he knows what is best for the boys. In response to Jack’s continued rebellion, Ralph, at a nightly assembly, shouts at Jack, “You’re breaking the rules!” (84) to which Jack responds, “Who cares?” clearly showing his apathy towards Ralph’s power and his arrogance as he believes that he made the right decision. • In Lord of the Flies, Jack’s proud nature leads to the destruction of order and authority on the island. The conflagration, representing the boys’ only hope to leave the island, burns out due to his lack of supervision, a careless decision that commences the power struggle with Ralph. Ralph is the elected chief on the island and he complains about Jack hunting, even though Jack says “we need meat” (65), an action defying Ralph’s authority and showing that jack believes he knows best for the boys. Later at that night’s assembly, the boys are disorderly and ralph attempts to gain control. He even shouts at Jack, “You’re breaking the rules!” (84) to which Jack responds, “Who cares?” (84) clearly showing his apathy towards Ralph’s power and his arrogance believing he made the right decision.

7. Word Glue • Many of us in our competitive society, which emphasize material success, do not take personal risks. We often view personal risks as taking too much time. For example, some of us would find stopping in the middle of the day to discuss a friend’s problem too time-consuming. We feel these moments could be spend acquiring additional assets, real estate investments, or stocks. For many of us, acquiring this wealth is an impetuous goal, for we do not often view risk-taking as a lucrative investment. Unfortunately, our “lucrative investments” that monopolize motivations will continue to prevent risk –taking and personal growth.