THE OBISETY EDITION

1. THE OBISETY EDITION BOOM BABY

2. RANT: From the Horse’s Mouth BY ROFTY ISP Support … there’s a race of people that makes my blood boil. I have had the recent privilege to endure an offline weekend due to some weird technical difficulty. First my switch between Local and International Cap seemed to generate some weird error on my ISP’s website … ERROR: no account associated with this IP. After several calls I soon came to realize … must be the janitor working today at the support centre. How the hell does one tell a client: “I’m sorry sir but I have no idea what is wrong. You’ll have to call back on Monday to check with our Support Staff.” WHO THE HELL HAVE I BEEN TALKING TO ALL THIS TIME?!?! Surely its not just me, but support calls always follow the same pattern. Two rings, some computer voice welcomes you and reminds you that your call will be recorded for quality purposes (or to later post online when you tongue lash their employees) and then you listen to some elevator music. Every now and then they interrupt the nerve calming music with a reminder that they appreciate your patience and how many years you have to live before you will be assisted. Eventually some Primary School drop out answers and now you can ask them all sorts of question that they cant answer – because their fact sheet on their desk does not cover all the info you need from them. God Bless Call Centre Support Staff … you wreck our days. Battlefield 2 Says Good Bye ChuckaChuckaChucka Toot Toot BY QUIK BY TROEPSTER Battlefield is die game wat die clan begin het. Ek is sekeralmal het al daaistoriegehoor hoe die GodFather en Blinkie so lekkergestatpad het… Die BUD’s het huloomblikegehad, die goeieoudae as daarsommer 25 BUD’s by mekaarkom en die server oor vat in styl. BUD’s het ook n paar legends gekweek in die game, maarhul het onsongelukkigookverlaat, ek dink die enigsteounawiealmalnauitgesien het ommeetespeel is Peetie. Hy het sekermeeste van onsgewys hoe om die game relatiefgesprokesuksesvoltespeel. Souswurm is ookeen van daardie legends, hy is nogaltyd die trotse defender van die K-Tag (Knife Tag). Disook die 1ste game waar die BUD’s in geskryf het om “profesioneel” tespeel. Niedatonsbaiegoedgedoen het nie, maarwatkanjyverwag van n klompouenswat met geenstrategie in n clannie in gaan. Dit was seker van die funniest tye. DKV watwil he sy squad members moet suicide sodathulle op homkan spawn net omteweetdat DKV nounetookdoodgeskiet was… Anyways, genoeg down memory lane, ek is sekeronsgaannuwe memories maak met die nuwe Battlefield Bad Company 2. Totsiens Battlefield 2 en vaarwel ;(. Tuesday 25th January 2010 marked a historical milestone in the Blowupdoll Clan, not only was it the first time that the newly named BBX(Beauford Blowupdoll Express) was to be consumed, but we had five lucky contestants that had to participate in this train crash. Quik, Rofty and Scordor had to consume one for their birthdays where Murloc had to consume one for obtaining Provincial colours in Action Netball(although scaly, but we will look past it) and Drifter for one of his initiation tasks. To Add to this Scordor attempted the male version of this Express, which is known to be a difficult feat for many a man. The lines were assembled first the vodka, then the tequila, then the brandy, then the rum and the topper a shot of Jack, with a sweet finisher of passion fruit. Excitement in the air, cameras rolling and the consuming commences...we had our winner who kicked male kind square in the nuts as Scordor devoured the express and stood around looking for seconds! I commend thee all for taking part in this amazing event and mourn the one that did not show! QUIK after realising BF2 is saying good bye.

3. TNTeddy Found Alive! BY DRIFTER Unconfirmed reports were circulating of TNTeddie's whereabouts. They say that there was a ransom for the doll and that the BUD clan had to pay for the release of the hostage. a Anonymous benefactor has stepped in and payed the ransom in advance. Making sure that TNTeddy was well cared for and nursed to good health. After TNTeddy was release he was sent to "Build-a-Bear" where he got all the care that he needed to recover from his ordeal. This included some nutrition in the form of stuffing to bulk him up. Then he was given 3 hearts by his benefactors through a very special procedure. They then showered and washed him, clothed him and gave him a place to stay in the form of a tent. This was a start of TNTeddy's EPIC Journey... I sure can do with a BBX!!! Tuesday - 25 Jan 2010 With a the great spirit of comradery the BUDs came together and gathered enough funds to repay half the ransom that freed TNTeddy. They celebrated in true BUD fashion and all rejoiced that TNTeddy was finally with them. As it turned out his arrival coincided with the initiation of a new member of the clan Drift3r22, so there was double reason to celebrate the evening. Drift3r22 offered his home to TNTeddy to stay for a while and so TNTeddy returned home with Drift3r22. For now everything was well with TNTeddy and he got a well deserved night of sleep in his tent.He is to stay with each member a week and then be handed over to the next one, with instructions from the previous host on what TNTeddy would like to do. (1 request per week)TNTeddy must be cared for and kept company by the host in typical BUD 5 star treatment. This includes making sure that he stays clean and is not harmed in any way, shape or form. There are other clans out there that might try and do him harm and it is our duty to protect this valuable member of our clan.TNTeddy needs more equipment. Each host must offer him some kind of equipment to help him in his journey. This piece of equipment must be used in the next week's request.

4. Reporting For Duty Do you have a preference for certain game genres? Nope, If I like it I play it. It has been a while since there was a lekker strategy game to rival C&C generals Do you have a gaming motto? I guess the same as the one on my sig for now: “I go where I please and I please where I go” Also, always “page up” What was the funniest thing that ever happened to you while gaming? Waaaaaay too many to choose a favourite, but the following comes to mind quickly, it was in BF2: Troep: “Sousie!! Draaiom, daars ‘n badguy net agterjou!!!” *[]=BUD Souswurm [DAO-12] []=BUD Troepster* Sousie: “Dammitdit was jy!!” Do you have a favorite TK victim? See above Who is your alter-ego and why? The very sneeeaky dude, if there is an adventure or any stealth game, I’ll be the one hanging inverted from the chandelier with a poisoned dildo or something, ready to strike Besides gaming, what do you consider to be your favorite past time? I read ze books, it imrovesesyurspellin and grammar Who in the BUD clan do you look up to as a mentor and why? There’s this mirror in the bathroom, right... Final question, what does "Cattywampus" mean to you? Invented in 1842, the cattywampus is a military manoeuvre executed by general Tacticus in the siege of Kuala Lumpur, It started when the allied mascot, a unnamed 3 legged cat that was rescued from a burning dagga field at great military personnel losses, was startled when a ladybug landed on its nose( a total buzzkill as everyone knows). The cat with its tri-limb agility succeeded in knocking over a lantern in the stables, setting fire to the entire HQ, the personnel took their gear and mounted their steeds to evade the blazing inferno that was caused by the kitchens getting ignited, specifically the generals favourite 98% proof alcoholic “wam” pudding(dubbed by the sound the eater makes when passing out). The blaze hurried the personnel on and when they stopped, they found that they have surrounded the enemy which have surrendered due to the confusion of fire and highly mobile troops. Ever since then, when the troops were low on morale or just pussies and did not want to fight, the officer in charge would throw a high percentage spirit or beverage into the barracks or ranks of troops, shoot it alight with his sidearm and force the men to fight. 3 legged cat is optional. SOUSWURM What is your real names, for those who don’t know? Hugo Lückhoff Is there any special meaning or story behind your Nic? Ek was Souswurmgedoopdeureen van die seniors in my skool se skietspan. It stuck Where do you live? In Durbanville, waar die beste vibes is Are you married, engaged, attached? Nope, so hide your daughters and sisters, also keep an eye on your wives... What do you do in real life to support your gaming addiction? I turn tricks at greenpoint stadium. Also, I’m an administrator at a IT company How did your gaming start?. It was in Namibia, there was this oom that lured us with sweeties to his unmarked van, so my parents, Peetie and I went to braai at this dudes house and there was a Nintendo-lookalike system that worked with those huge 5” floppy disks and I had to play Mario with one hand because Peetie dislocated my shoulder while testing to see if I had Ragdoll physX Do you have a historic favorite game? Historically its Carmaggedon 2 and the original AVP. BF2 is of course the one I’ve spent most time with What is your favorite game at the moment? Im hoping it will be the new AVP thats coming out this month, but for the past 2 weeks it has been Badcompany 2’s beta demo

5. . News from the North BY CYST From your most adored fellow BUDS up north... The people living in the province where there are sky-trains, flying cars, and rocket-men Gauteng!!! GP BUD Year End On 14 December yesteryear, ALL of the Gauteng buds attended the Year-End function in Kempton Park at Casa-del-DarkAlec. I'm pleased to report that we had a 100% attendance and shone our shiniest shines in the midst of several other clans (poor misguided souls). The BUDs were also the last reported guests to stay at the event and completely obliterated the competition in trash-talking, drinking and several other debauches activities, a battle-royale of note. After we molested thejacuzzi and physically abused our sleeping couches, we were offered a meaty breakfast to celebrate our total victory over the non-BUD intruders. • Top Secret Development and Research Centre • We are proud to report that our Top-Secret testing facility is about to finish Beta testing on our latest development! • After a few flawed testing runs, the new WTFPWN-ultradimentional X3000 Battle-Pig is about to go into production. • Now, this baby has a few tricks up the sleeve: • Superior reception of local radio stations. • Extremely low maintenance. • Waterproof exterior. • Superior Anti-high jacking system. • Multipurpose camouflage. A River Runs Through It As you may have read in the propagandist Southern media recently, we are supposedly going to work in submarines and/or jet skis due to intolerable amounts of rain and thunder. I am pleased to report that this is not the case and you may stop sending us food parcels and makeshift tents. As you can see, we still have our wonderfully colorful streets packed with people not wearing lifejackets or wetsuits. Cyst Catastrophe Taxi Service FAIL Above: First Prototype Left: The Beta version WTFPWN-ultradimentional X3000 Battle-Pig with dried blood of its enemies covering its face

6. Ready!!! Steady!!! Paint!!! BY ROFTY On 31 January we were all travelling like a line of Nazi Panzers down a dusty road towards the field of battle. After some geological confusion from our leader, Heir Gerd Winzer, we arrived psyched and ready for war. Our host, a retired old sailor, explained the obvious to us. Pull trigger to shoot, keep your helmet on, and remember ... it’s only a game. YEAH RIGHT!!! We weren’t here to play a game; we have that at home on our PC’s. This is war as Picasso intended it. We signed in, got our teams together and started to strategize. As per usual the Yellow Team’s secretary of defence was Murloc, who like always explained his over-elaborated plan for victory, while looking over a sea of dumb struck and confused faces. The Orange Team’s strategy was simple – camp, wait and pray. The events that follow are seen from my blurry eyes, as the Yellow Team’s less fit Attack Squad member. First round – Capture the Flag (tagging enabled). We entered the field inspecting the bunkers, planning our attack positions en setting up for first strike. Our crusty ol’ sailor Marshal decided to try and give the already confused Yellow Team a new strategy, while we all looked at him and thought – “Pffft Noob!!!”.We waited and then heard the Gunston Duck-Horn blow. We were running like crazy to secure the first bridge, and wait. And Wait, And Wait. Screw this we’re going in. We came around a hill and walked face first into hell. It looked like naartjie orchard. OJ’s everywhere, we were pinned down. Quik tried to guide us closer to their fully loaded base. But their scouts on the outskirts, Troep and Troepdruks outflanked us and took us out one by one, despite the efforts of Willie and Scordor to continuously try and tag each other. The ol’ sailor decided to send us back to our base to rethink our mistakes and regroup. On the other side of the field, on the foot of Bunker Hill, the rest of the flanking squad was fighting for their lives. Orange Team King Camper, Spooner, took a position behind an old car wreck, firing aimlessly into the direction of the oncoming assault from Razak and Souswurm, while tuning the cars radio to listen to 5FM and changing the oil. Finally after realising they are just being boring, the Orange team decided to pack up their gear, and head out into the open, we’re a refreshed Yellow team waited for them. Although they tried finding cover behind concrete structures, the thicket of Thorn Hill provided the Yellow Team with a great vantage point for sniping out our enemies. Nippy and Peetie, the Orange Team’s Kamikaze Squad, each tried to launch a solo assault on the Yellow Base, but was met by a wave of bullets from the trigger happy pit gunner, Rambox. I later join the base crew as I was hyperventilating and blacking out (LAGging) every 5min due to my CPU overheating. The battle moved back to the Orange Base for a while until the Horn was blown. First round was over, although we still wish to know who actually won. After a well deserved break of drinking a few beers and having a bite to eat, we were ready for the next round. But first, Drifter had to stand for his Firing Squad Initiation. The girls showed no mercy with the newbie to the BUD Clan. Then it was one the business. This time the rules were way simpler ... you get shot, you’re out. Two round of Capture the Flag without tagging proved to be a lot more effective way of playing the game. It was time for Hardcore!!! In these two rounds the honours goes to the [BUD]’s with Boobs. The girls really showed that inside those hot bodies, pumped the hearts of real battle hardened biaches! With their skills of defending a base, or their ability to still run like Pamela Anderson, while dodging bullets. Rooivalk owed up to here nick as the she hovered all around the enemy base, scanning for headshot opportunities, while Scordor and Rambox supplying cover fire from the back like blood-raged Vietnamese Guerrilla Fighters. Troepdruks somehow had it in for the boys, shamelessly maiming them left and right, with Erazor camouflaged into her surroundings, picking off the guys who think they had cover. But I think all will agree that The Girl of the Match are without a doubt KleinNig, who by using here Steady Aim, Ninja and Marathon Perks took out 5 guys in one match, most of them headshots, and managed to run to the enemy base to retrieve the flag. Her skills will forever be remembered by Frequency, who if not for this protective headgear, would have surely lost an eye. In my few months as an Official BUD this event has been one of the highlights of my life, and as many of you, I still have the scars to prove it. Good Game GG.

8. PEETIE’S CHOICE DEAD SPACE It is what Doom 3 should have been. When you are finished you don’t want to be alone for too long. I basically had to drink a few strong whiskeys at the end just to get through it. The sound, o my word, the sound throughout the game is done perfectly. Whenever a necromorph attacks you there is a huge orchestral piece that lets you know something is coming...which is actually a bit cheesy, but there are set pieces where you are in a vacuum, where you hear nothing...nothing but Isaac’s heartbeat and staggered breathing in the suit. It is here when the fear sets in, because you see stuff happening but the sound doesn’t get to you. You can be walking around, minding your own business, and suddenly you hear thud, thud, thud, THUD...and the thing is on you and Isaac’s heartbeat shoots up, and you do something unmentionable in your pants (I seem to be saying that a lot...). Your health, stasis meter and oxygen meter is done in a very clever way on the back of Isaac’s suit and the map, inventory and mission objectives is displayed in a holographic HUD display in the front of Isaac’s face in real time. You collect ship credits to buy new items at the stores scattered around the ship and you collect power nodes to upgrade your weapons and suit at various mechanical benches. You also have 2 other features, the telekinetic kinesis module (TK) and the stasis module. The stasis module slows down an enemy or an obstacle in the game, giving you time to dismember, or sneak past, and the TK module allows you to move objects within the ship. The TK module comes in handy when you have no ammo and have to pick up what you can find around the room to hurl at the enemies. Isaac also has a very nice “breadcrumb” feature which, at the push of a button, lights up a path on the floor towards your next objective, which comes in very handy as I would have had the map open the whole game. Isaac has an array of weaponry, but I basically sold all the other ammo I picked up and stuck with the line gun and pulse rifle. The best way to dispose of the enemy things is not to aim for the bodies, but to dismember them, showing off the Havoc physics engine as their limbs shoot off in a glorious gory mess. As mentioned there are very interesting vacuum sections and then there are zero-gravity sections which are a lot of fun. There is a fun zero-gravity basketball minigame during the middle of the game which lets you collect a few items, but I got a bit bored and skipped it to get back to the story. And that’s the thing about this game. The story starts out mundane and boring, but at a point around a third of the way through, pulls you in and doesn’t let go. It fills in the gaps with various sound recording tapes and text files scattered around the ship. There is your girlfriend which I don’t trust for a second, the Marker, the weird Indian scientist, the Nemesis like creature which can’t be killed, and I still get chills thinking about the ending. When you are finished don’t forget to save because you can start the game again with all the kit you had at the end and a cool new military suit. This was the highlight for me, as I actually laughed at the first couple of enemies which has me so scared at the beginning, as you will see much, much worse. This game is done so well, because Isaac is so relatable. He isn’t a typical strong, burly marine/soldier/hero, he is just a normal guy. He can’t even stop his swing when he melee attacks, and he is scared and frightened in the game. When his health gets low he walks slowly and bent over and you can see he is really hurt. It is these little details that makes the game great. Pro’s: Beautiful Graphics Innovative in-game map & inventory Amazing Sound Able to scare the bejesus out of you. Con’s: Able to scare the bejesus out of you. Cleaning your pants afterwards. Do you have a heart condition? Do you have high blood pressure? Do you startle easily, fall off your chair when scared, break things, scream like a little girl? Any of the above? Well then, bad news! This game isn’t for you. You play as Isaac Clarke, who doesn’t talk very much. In fact he never says a word, apart from the multiple grunts and groans when he is attacked. You are part of a search and rescue operation’s crew send to establish wtf happened with the USG Ishimura, a planet cracker (exactly what it sounds like), with more than a thousand crew. All communication was lost with the ship and that’s where your team comes in. There is an added piece of drama as you find out that Isaac’s girlfriend, Nicole, was also on the ship. But in basically the first 5 minutes everything goes to shit and you are all that is left, along with Hammond, the gruff Army Security Chief and Kendra Daniels, the technical expert. But basically you are alone as you can never quite get to them. And what you are left alone with are some of the most horrific, scary, unholy, motherf******* monstrosities I have ever witnessed. Later on in the game you find out they are called the necromorphs (again exactly what they sound like), the bodies of humans transformed and resurrected by alien organisms to put a serious hurting on you. Apparently the Ishimura found an artefact called “The Marker” which allowed all this to happen. You will battle through the hordes in order to get the hell off the ship, but a lot happens along the way. This all sound quite familiar, right? Anyone who has seen Event Horizon will know what I’m talking about, but what you don’t know is that Dead Space does everything the movie did better...much better. THIS GAME IS SCARY...I mean shit your f***** pants scary. 92/100

10. FRESH MEAT Action Netball BY MURLOC BY MURLOC Since our last recruit, DK… we have had a few new boyz to join the party… First off was Frequency43, an expat from CRAK… He joined our humble little clan and joined one of our action netball teams , the “Wolbommers” and ever since have been PWNing people online with his legendary []=BUD_Tags … Spaceman recruited a new guy called Spaceboy… who after refusing to answer his awesome questions was left hi and dry to die like a fly in the sky eating a pie , wearing a tie … ok I’ll stop… cause his a guy… or a spy.. ok really… I’ll stop now… lie… Also there was a new guy Rambo something but he was a dud… not a bud… more like Ramboy if you ask me… he failed to follow his own recruitment page and was thus sent to Rofty and Cyst’s moon resort for contemplation in the swimmingcuzzies… and never returned… dun dun duuuuuuuunnnnnnn…. Next up to the family of budlyness was the brother and also ex Crak duder “Drifter22” according to the popular votes, hes already a BUD but due to his kid who has lung goggas, he hasn’t completed his tasks yet and his drill sergeant said he has to complete all of her tasks first… With both Drifter and Frequency comes new [J]=BUDs… as everybody knows once you’re a bud your kids gets a free ride and don’t have to answer uncle Murlocs 10 questions…. So we have [j]=BUD_Voltage and drifters kid [j]=BUD_Squishy or as I like to call her Roadkill… also Drifters wife who plays Netbal is called Slider… I suggested Slider 69 but only got a raised eyebrow o_0 and a dirty look… not that kind of dirty… the other kind… oh never mind… These two new recruits have got serious kiff vibes… The year started off with all the teams ready and excited to get on with the summer league that ended half way before the holidays in December 2009. The Mix one team the Blowupdolls did not start the season the way they would have liked to and lost all three their matches so far. The Mix 2 team Wolbommers had a better start to their 2010 campaign and came out victorious in 2 of their 3 match ups. The Afstand Hoenders in Mix league 3 won their first game and lost their third game with the second game canceled by Diligafs. Possibly chicken… The BabyBUds in mix league 4 won their first two matches of 2010 but lost the third one to top of the log seats the Powerpuff ballz… Die medichase en tnteddies in mix leage 5 are doing very well and are hold the top two seats warm on the log, with medicahase that won 2 of their 3 games and lost the last game with a single goal, and the tnteddies that also only played two games so far this year due to a cancelation.They are the only team thus far in the year that has won all their games played. We are looking forward to a good comeback from the Blowupdolls who lost their vibe a bit and hopefully we might see a all BUD final in Mix league 5… GADGET OF THE MONTH Farting Salt and Pepper R131.10 Nothing will break the ice at a stiff dinner party like these babies. These table top delights will emit a fart each time they are inverted. Lets face it, farts are funny. So why not try these the next time your mother –in-law comes over. Shake-and-Fart www.perkalgifts.co.za

11. New Years Plek: Tableview (die Norval huis) Tyd: 16:00 Dit was ‘n dag soos enige ander. Ek en Troep het rond gehardloop soos twee hoenders met af koppe om alles betyds klaar te kry. En toe wag ons........ 19:00 Die eerste gaste arriveer uiteindelik (ons het al begin wonder of hulle nog kom) 19:05 Vind uit dat die tyd op die site gepost was as 19:00 (note to self check volgende keer op die site hoe laat die party by jou eie huis begin) anders was hulle al lank al hier (dankie Quik) 19:10 Die partikulasies begin en die vodka jellies vloei (meer vodka as jellie maar dit was lekker) Die res van die aand het soos dit verloop. Die tweeling het sommer met die intrap slag vir ons laat weet dat hulle hier is en my kersfees lighter gebreek en vir Cyst beseer. Daar was punch en genoeg ander sappies om almal gelukkig te hou. Dit het nie lank gevat vir die manne om braaf genoeg te raak vir die LluBder nie. DK slaan vir Cyst, Cyst slaan vir DK, Rofty slaan vir Spooner, Spooner bliksem vir Rofty, DK slaan vir Cyst, Cyst slaan vir DK, DK slaan vir Cyst, Cyst slaan vir DK. (Iewers daar het DK Cyst se eiers vir hom gepeper en toe later moes hy Cyst se eiers in sy hande koester om te verhoed dat arme Cyst se eiers weer in die slag bly). Nie lank daarna nie het Cyst Guitar Hero ontdek en dit was pretty much die laaste wat ons van Cyst gehoor het tot baie, baie ( en baie sappies) later. ‘n Nuwe eggbert is ontdek (eiers en witblits – en nee dit help nie vir die smaak nie , ek praat nou van die eiers se smaak) Menigte ander shooters is ook in ons agter tuin ontdek. Ek het die volgende oggend ontdek dat daar klaarblyklik ‘n “urinal” agter in ons tuin was. Ek soek die ding nou nog as een van julle hom dalk huis toe gevat het laat weet my asb. Nuwejaar is gevier iewers naby aan 12 uur en daar is gesoen en gedruk en nog gesoen en gedruk en geluk gewens en nog gesoen en gedruk en toe moes ons vir Cyst en Murloc vra om asb op te hou mekaar soen en druk want die res van ons het ongemaklik begin raak. Rumcan was eerste kusboude en het homself gefortify in die studeer kamer. Van die dames het gevolg. Ons het almal bed opgeslaan in die sitkamer. Hier so teen 5 uur die oggend het Cyst agter gekom die res van die mense raak nou moeg en keel opgesit. 05:05 Cyst slaap......... All in all ‘n awesome Bud aand soos net ons kan party saam met vriende. Vriende wat ons gemis het: Peetie en Erazor, Quik en Rooivalk, Razak, Nippy en Sous. Julle is almal traitors en julle is dood vir ons. BY TROEPSDRUK

13. SCRAP BOX HOT HITS Rubik Solving Cellphone http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=052JJGBxFH0 FAGS – Fight Against Grenade Spam http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQayQXxg_EY Don't Watch Porn At Work http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAx23Rt6dPk