Are you hearing it?

1. Are you hearing it? Are you saying it right?

2. Key Skills for Facilitating Change Involved Communication Reading the Silent Language Intentional Listening Being a Mirror Asking the Right Questions Goal Setting

3. Involved Communication • Open body posture that communicates “I am open to what you have to say” • Eliminate distracting behaviors • Lean slightly to person speaking • Directly face person • Make regular eye contact, unless cultural customs dictate differently • Body language should be congruent with what you are feeling • Use verbal cues to encourage client • Use “I” statements to role model assertiveness • Don’t use statements that judge or discourage information flow “Communication is about being effective, not always about being proper.” Bo Bennett

4. Reading the Silent Language Look beyond what is being said Facial congruency Body position and eye contact Don’t focus on behavior, focus on what behavior is telling you Look at cues that let you know you are losing or connecting with the client “Body language is a very powerful tool. We had body language before we had speech, and apparently, 80% of what you understand in a conversation is read through the body, not the words.” Deborah Bull

5. Intentional Listening We need to look beyond words and into meaning of the words What are the conversation shifts? What cues stop you from listening? What does the volume, speed, tone, and style of speech tell you? What can you infer from it? Listening is more important than anything else because that's what music is. Somebody is playing something and you're receiving it. It is sending and receiving. Carla Bley

6. Being a Mirror Attempt to say to the person what you heard Use “What I heard you say was……” Ask “What did that sound like, how did it feel, when you heard it?” Reframe statements to role assertive speech Always reframe empathetically, not judging Knowledge is ancient error reflecting on its youth. Francis Picabia

7. Asking the Right Questions Avoid close-ended questions Use as many open-ended questions as possible Only ask one question at a time and don’t move until you get a good answer Don’t be quick to advise, asking questions get to the issue PEOPLE DON’T GIVE ALL THE INFO TO BEGIN WITH, THEY WILL TYPICALLY GIVE YOU THE INFO THAT WILL ELICITE THE ADVICE THEY WANT!

8. Examples of typical types of questions Clarifying: “In what way is your husband mean to you?” Exploring conclusions: “What leads you to think he is leaving you?” Eliciting information: “Do you mean…..?”; “Are you saying….?” Getting details: “Then what happened?”; “What did you say before that?” When asking these questions the general rule is to mimic their body language

9. Goal Setting Don’t assume they have the same goal as you First: Agree on the problem Second: Agree on possible goals to deal with the problem Finally: After looking at options, decide which will work Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible. Tony Robbins

10. Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step. Martin Luther King, Jr. Rev. John A. Horsley, MSW Jhorsley@calvarychapelgranger.org (574) 273-9987 *Available for seminars, workshops, and training.