Single Parenting

1. Single Parenting

2. 1/3 all families headed by single parents • Women head 5 times more than men • Men who are single parents increasing though

3. Causes of Single Parenting • Death of a spouse • Divorce • Never been married (40% women, 30% men)

4. Problems Single Parents Face • Experience some of the same problems in different ways • Some are unique just to them

5. Financial problems are often the greatest problem • Often the head of the household only one who is paying for child’s expenses • Both parents have a legal responsibility to contribute financially

6. Child Support • Child support order = judgment of the court that states how much the parent who does not live with the children should pay toward the children’s expenses • Can be difficult to enforce

7. ½ the single parent families live below poverty level • Single parents who are less educated and have more than one child to support are likely to live in poverty

8. Support Orders • Implementing Title IV-D of the Social Security Act in the state. This involves locating absent parents, establishing paternities, establishing child support and medical support orders, and enforcing and periodically reviewing those orders.

9. Arears • Income withheld from paychecks (wages garnished) • Income tax can be withheld • Can be held in contempt • Civil, criminal charges may be filed • Some states take away your driver’s license

10. Custodial parent = has physical custody • Non-custodial parent = has visitation rights

11. 10 Questions to Ask a Childcare Giver • 1)How long have you been a provider? • 2)What are your qualifications? • 3)Is your facility or home licensed by the state? • 4)Will you provide me with at least 3 references? • 5)Why did you become a daycare provider?

12. 6)What is your discipline philosophy? • 7)What has been your staff’s turnover the past year? • 8)Am I able to drop in at anytime? • 9)What other adults will be around my child? • 10)What is the worker/child ratio? (The American Public Health Association/American Academy of Pediatrics(APHA/AAP) recommends the following ratios: 0-24 months: 3 to 1 / 25-30 months: 4 to1 / 31-35 months: 5 to1)

13. Boundaries • Imagine a child who lacks ownership of his own life, has no self-control, and lacks respect for others. • If these were the qualities of your son, how would you feel for his future wives?

14. Yes, wives is plural, this is one major reason we need to set boundaries for our children – their future. • One study showed that children born recently on average will have more spouses than kids. • Here are a few examples of children who lack boundaries:

15. Little Johnny walks right into his parent’s bedroom whenever he wants. It does not matter if the door was open or closed. • Twelve year-old Steve frequently changes the channel on the television. It does not matter if anyone was watching a show or not.

16. Susie blames others for her mistakes. It always seems to be her teacher’s fault, brother’s fault, or a friend’s fault when something does not go right. • Marie is uncomfortable with how her boyfriend treats her and pressures her for sex. She keeps dating him because she questions who else would want to date her.

17. Without boundaries children will have problems in relationships, school, and life. Many times addictive behavior can be traced to lack of boundaries. Here are a few results that can occur:

18. Children can have controlling behavior • Children can be motivated by guilt or anger. • Without firm boundaries children are more likely to follow their peer group. For example, making unwise choices on sex, drinking, or driving.

19. Children do not own their own behavior or consequences, which can lead to life of turmoil. • Children may allow others to think for them. • They may allow someone else to define what his or her abilities will be. This denies their maximum potential.

20. When someone has weak boundaries they pick up other’s feelings. • Weak boundaries may make it hard to tell where we end and another person begins.

21. Here are a few suggestions to help develop boundaries. • Recognize and respect the child’s boundaries. For example, knock on their closed bedroom door instead of just walking in. • Set our own boundaries and have consequences for crossing them. • Avoid controlling the child.

22. Give two choices; this helps our children learn decision-making skills. • When you recognize that boundaries need to be set. Do it clearly, do it without anger, and use as few words as possible.

23. We need to say what hurts us and what feels good. • It may be difficult to set a boundary. You may feel afraid, ashamed, or nervous, that’s okay, do it anyway.

24. Another way to work with boundaries and children is to model these for our children. • Recognize your physical boundaries. • You have the right to request proper treatment, for example, poorly prepared meals in a restaurant should be sent back, ask others to smoke away from your space, and ask that loud music be turned down. • Share your opinions with your children. Allow your children their opinions. Opinions are not right or wrong. This will help them think for themselves.

25. Teach them how you decide on the choices you make. • Lets own what we do and what we don’t do. Take responsibility for when things go wrong. • Accept your thoughts, it is who you are. • Discover what your limits are, emotional and physical.

26. Setting boundaries is all about taking care of ourselves. • Other benefits include:

27. We will learn to value, trust, and listen to ourselves. • Boundaries are also the key to having a loving relationship. • Boundaries will help us with our personal growth.

28. We will learn to listen to ourselves (trusting our intuition). We also will learn to respect and care for others and ourselves. • Boundaries will aid us in the workplace.

29. Types of Problems • Men report problems with housework and physical aspects of child care like cooking and buying clothes • Women report problems with disciplining and not earning enough money

30. Social Isolation • Feelings of being alone • No one to talk to or about their problems • Less able to spend time with friends and family

31. Helping Children Cope • Parents are the base from which children grow • Feel loss of relationship and role model • Daily routines change • Most homes become stable in 2 years after the incident

32. Never Married Families • Both parents need to be involved • Children may feel abandoned • May feel angry to parent for not being involved • May blame remaining parent for not staying with other parent

33. Few long term effects continue • Single parents need support • Need outside help with finances, child care, housework

34. Parents Without Partners • Social group • Talk to other adults about their issues • Find support • Children can participate in Big Brothers/Big Sisters program

35. Skills for Single Parenting 37 Min