Challenging Behaviour Workshop

1. Challenging Behaviour Workshop Wednesday 22nd June 2016

2. Aims of the workshop • Understand how to read behaviour • Useful tips for everyday • Strategies for the more turbulent times!

3. Be brave and share! • Activity 1 • Work with a partner and talk about a time when you were naughty as a child or teenager ~ what did you do? How was it dealt with? Would you deal with it the same way? What do you think about it now? What did you learn from it? • None of the stories must be shared with the media or outside the school!! 

4. Keep it real ~ there is no such thing as perfect!

5. What do you think? • Activity 2 ~ read through the different scenarios and rank them on how bad you think the behaviour is, talk about what you would do as the parent • Share and discuss with someone on your table

6. Key Learning 1: Behaviour is communication • All behaviour is communication ~ how we are feeling is reflected in our behaviour. • Learn to read the communication in your child’s behaviour: • What happened before the incident? • Are there any significant things happening at the moment? • What exactly was the incident? Details are important things aren’t always as they initially seem. • Try your best to be calm when talking to your child ~ even if that means that you make 10 cups of tea first! How you react will affect what they tell you in the future.

7. Behaviour is communication • If things are getting consistently negative on the behaviour front then keep a diary you may find a pattern emerges. Record the context (what was happening at the time?), what actually happened (really important to be specific here), what reaction did they get (how did you respond?) • Are they unhappy or frustrated about something? • Has there been a big change in the home or family that they can sense? • Is school going ok? • Are they getting enough sleep? • Are they at a hormonal change? • Are they having positive relationships with their peers? • Is there other conflict going on in the family which they witness but are not necessarily part of? • Are they getting enough of you? • Are they trying to control? • Are they anxious about something that is going to happen or could happen? • What do they hear you say about them ~ is it positive or negative? Do they know how much you love them and how proud you are of them? • Do they know you are interested in what they are saying or do you appear to be half listening?

8. Key Learning 2 ~ Consistency is everything • Children like boundaries ~ they need to know where the line/wall is • They get confused when the boundary is dependent on the adult or the day! • As a family you need to discuss and stick to what you agree • Be consistent with your approach as a family to poor choices of behaviour: • Give a warning • Give a second warning with the potential consequence • Carry out the consequence ~ without fail! • Try not to do this in front of everyone • Stay very calm and very clear

9. Don’t laugh ~ however funny it is! • Children find self regulation really challenging. If you laugh at mischievous behaviour you will be encouraging them further! Make sure other family/friends know this too.

10. Be very clear in what you say • Be clear in what you say ~ don’t rant and rave and use too many words. • Don’t ask or plead to your child ~ keep calm and direct them. • Use ‘thank you’ at the end of instructions as it assumes that will be done ~ ‘You need to tidy your toys, thank you.’ • Use counting down with a consequence at the end!

11. Follow through with what you say • Mean what you say ~ threats are not effective. • When you warn that a sanction will follow then it has to be followed through. • Be consistent in your judgements everyday should be lived by the same rules.

12. Help them to de-escalate • The part of the brain that controls impulses doesn’t develop until 25 years so they will need your support in regulating. • If they have got excited then you need to help them come down from it ~ they can’t switch excitement off! • Using a thermometer image is good as they can visually see where they are and then focus on coming back into normal ranges.

13. You are never alone with it • Use the support from other parents around you • Always talk to us ~ school and home working together is really important • Use extended family too ~ grandparents have a wealth of experience because they survived you!!  • Useful website ~ www.familylives.org.uk

14. Key Learning 3 ~ Don’t get caught in the negative spiral

15. Watch your language! • Think about what you say to your child about their behaviour and what you say in front of them about their behaviour ~ is it positive or negative for most of the time? Do you nag? • Use your words wisely ~ don’t be over dramatic and use phrases such as ‘you are always naughty, why is it I only have to watch your behaviour when everyone else does it on their own.’ • Make sure that it is clear in your language that it is their behaviour choice you don’t like ~ not them.

16. They are watching you all the time!

17. Behaviour in a nutshell! • Remember that behaviour is communication ~ analyse and talk it through • Consistency is essential ~ same rules, same consequences everyday • Don’t get caught in the negative spiral ~ we all make mistakes it’s remembering the positives that keep us going • Direct don’t plead ~ you are the adult and are in charge • Use the word thank you ~ it assumes that it will be done • Count down to the request and follow up with the consequence ~ counting down adds pressure for the request to be completed • Talk to others when times are turbulent ~ it will help keep it in perspective and help you to stay calm and resilient

18. Specific situations • Communicating about school • Being anxious about things • Starting homework • Listening the first time of asking • Avoiding negotiation • Lying

19. And finally …. • We are always here to talk to and work with you. ‘It takes a whole village to raise a child.’ African proverb

20. Any questions?