Presenters: Kaitlin Korbitz University of Wisconsin- River Falls Alex Shaw

1. “When playground Bullies Grow Up:Addressing bullying behaviors in Student staff or coworker relationships Presenters: Kaitlin Korbitz University of Wisconsin- River Falls Alex Shaw Fort Hays State University

2. Resources The No-Asshole Rule Toxic Workplace The Bully at Work

3. Areas of importance • From Toxic Workplace!: • The toxic person’s characteristics and behaviors • Leaders’ reactions to toxic behaviors • Leaders’ strategies for dealing with the toxic person • Effects of toxicity on the system • The role of organizational culture on toxicity • From No Asshole Rule: • How to identify assholes (and asshole behavior) • Rules for organizational culture • How to keep your “inner jerk” from getting out • No Asshole Rule as a way of life • The Bully at Work • Identifying bullying behaviors • Effects on person and productivity • Recovery

4. Bullying in the workplace:definition • From Bully at Work • “Bullying at work is repeated, health-harming mistreatment of a person by one or more workers that takes the form of verbal abuse; • conduct or behaviors that are threatening, intimidating, or humiliating; • sabotage that prevents work from getting done; or some combination of the three. • Perpetrators are bullies; those on the receiving end are targets.

5. Bullying in the workplace:definition • Toxic Iceberg • Tip: toxic person’s behavior • Below the waterline: productivity and bottom-line losses • Human and financial costs of toxic behavior

6. Bullying in the workplace:definition • No Asshole Rule • Temporary Assholes • Certified Assholes • Asshole behavior

7. IdentifyingBulliesToxic personalitiesAsshole actionsBullies at work

8. Toxic Personalities3 types Type 1: Shaming Behavior • Rallies the troops and singles out one person for the attach • Verbal insults • Arrogant/ condescending language/ behavior • Public email abuse • Exploit weakness

9. Toxic Personalities3 types Type 2: Passive Hostility • Goes behind back instead of addressing people directly • Change mind, but plead ignorance of original agreement • Martyrdom • Distrust of co-workers work and opinions • Territorial, won’t collaborate or share • Rejects negative feedback

10. Toxic Personalities3 types Type 3: Team Sabotage • Collects info to later use against people • Undermines authority • Withholds information • Enlists “spies” • Abuse authority

11. Asshole actions • Personal insults • Invading one’s “personal territory” • Uninvited physical contact • Threats and intimidation, both verbal and nonverbal • “sarcastic jokes” and “teasing” used as insult delivery systems • Withering e-mail flames • Status slaps intended to humiliate their victims • Public shaming or “status degradation” rituals • Rude interruptions • Two-faced attacks • Dirty looks • Treating people as if they are invisible

12. Bullies at work“Screaming Mimi” • Scream, yells, curses • Intimidates through gestures: points, slams, throws • Physically close to intimidate • Interrupts • Denies others thoughts or feelings • Threatens (job loss or transfer)

13. Bullies at work“constant Critic” • Constantly focusing on target’s “incompetence” • Negatively responds to contributions • Accuses, blames and fabricates errors • Unreasonable demands • Criticizes parts of life unrelated to work

14. Bullies at work“gatekeeper” • Deliberately cuts out of loop • Refuses to make “reasonable accommodations” (returning to work) • Denies government and internal mandated protections • “silent treatment” • Makes new rules on a whim

15. Thesandbox • From Toxic Workplace!: • Almost 50 percent of those who experiences incivility at work reported that they lost time worrying about this (uncivil behavior) and its future consequences • More than 25 percent of individuals who were targets of incivility acknowledged that they cut back their work efforts • 50 percent contemplated leaving their jobs after being the target of incivility, and 12 percent did so • From bullyingstatistics.org: • 1/3 of folks within workplace are subject to bullying • 20 percent of this bullying crosses line into harassment • 60 percent of bullies identified as male • Bully male and female identified persons equally • Female bullies often bully other female-identified co-workers

16. Signsandsymptoms

17. Health hazard Physical Social Economic Cardiovascular Reduced immunity Stress headaches and migraines Increased allergies, asthma Hair loss Weight swings Co-worker isolation Encouraged compromise with bully Spouse questions your role to cause bullying Children and friends show strain Abandonment/ betrayal by co-workers Paid time off gets constantly used Personal savings tapped File for WC, potentially lose the right to sue Formally terminated so that employer can deny unemployment compensation Employers order you to chose between termination and WC

18. Are you being bullied? • Fear of going to work • Family asks you to stop obsessing about work • Too ashamed to tell friends • Time off is used for “mental health” • Exhausted, lifeless, no desire • Favorite activities are no longer appealing • Supervisorstells you to work it out on your own • Feel you are provoked to cruelty • Boss is never pleased • Surprise meetings • Others told to disassociate with you • Feel agitated and anxious • Never left alone to work • Others yell at you, but you are judged if you fight back • Supervisors agree, but won’t intervene

19. Top 12 health consequences for bullied targets(2003) • Severe Anxiety (94%) • Sleep disruption (84%) • Loss of concentration (82%) • Feeling edgy, easily startled [hyper vigilance/ PTSD] (80%) • Obsession over bully’s motives and tactics (76%) • Stress headaches (64%) 7. Avoidance of feelings, places [Avoidance/ PTSD] (49%) • Shame or embarrassment that changes lifestyle/ routines (49%) • Racing heart rate (48%) • Recurrent memories [Thought Intrusion] (46%) • Body aches (43%) • Diagnosed depression (41%)

20. Victim/ targetsupport

21. Preventionthe no asshole ruletoxic organization change system modelBully at Work: assessment and recommendations

22. Enforcing the No Asshole rule • Say the rule, write it down and act on it. • Assholes will hire other assholes • Get rid of assholes fast • Treat certified assholes as incompetent employees • Power breeds nastiness 6. Manage moments- not just practices, policies, and systems • Model and teach constructive confrontation • Adopt the one asshole rule • The bottom line: link big policies to small decencies

23. Toxic organizationchange system model • Dynamic model- reflects belief that any change in the system affects all other parts of the system directly or indirectly (butterfly effect) • All parts of the system are vulnerable to toxicity, therefore all should be involved in prevention and creation of effective solutions • 3 Levels: • Organizational Strategies • Individual Strategies • Team Strategies

24. Assess the Bullies Impact • How I relate to others • How other people see me • My performance at work • My ability to reason and solve problems • Make 3 copies for yourself, a trusted co-worker, a family member. • Do you see similarities? What are your strengths? Do you judge yourself too harshly?

25. How bully proof are you? Graph Do a graph for each of the 5 areas Quality of Relationships with Others Confidence in Personal Competence Emotional Effectiveness Confidence in personal competence Emotional effectiveness

26. Interpret the impact table • Who thinks you are relatively Bully Proof? • Regarding what aspects? • In what areas are you blind and therefore vulnerable? • Who sees the effects of the bullying experience as you do? • Are they right or are those who disagree with you right? • How are they differences in observation related to the different levels of support you receive? • On whom can you count for a reality check when needed? • Have you lost your sense of perspective? Are you the frog in boiling water?

27. Changing your perspective STEP 1 Compare your bully problems to a catastrophic event. STEP 2 Mentally edit the memory of your encounter with the bully as if you were editing a film STEP 3 Try to look at the experience as a positive event rather than an attack on you.

28. Restoration • Establish and Protect Personal Boundaries • Avoid Unattainable Standards • Count Your Inner Circle • Control Destructive Mind Games • Escape the Trap of Self-Blame • Satisfy Your Needs and Wants • Anger and Shame

29. confront Residents (Students you mentor) Co-workers Deal with it Twist it Conversation with bully Inform supervisor Form allies IMPLIMENT THESE METHODS • Empowering victims (from pro staff, potentially peers) • Determine conflict style • Offer mediation • Encourage direct dialing • Developmental conversations with bullies • Remember, they are our students too

30. Questions?Reflections?Testimonies?

31. Case study #1 • Marie and Antoinette are Hall Directors at Regal University, which is a small, public institution. The professional staff team consists of four hall directors, one assistant director and the director of residence life. Marie transitioned to her position from the corporate world without a Master’s degree, and was not completely familiar with her position. Antoinette graduated with a Master’s in student affairs from a large, public institution, and her graduate position was in residence life. During a 1:1 with you, the assistant director, Marie mentions that Antoinette pulls her aside often to explain why her supervisory style is not effective, and gives her advice that is not solicited. When Marie confronted Antoinette about her behavior, Antoinette began to cry and scream at Marie. Marie comes to you concerned because one of Antoinette’s staff members mentioned the confrontation to Marie during lunch in the dining hall and asked about why the conflict happened. Antoinette does not get along with the only other hall director in the department, and often relies on Marie for friendship and companionship. • Is this an instance of a toxic work place or bullying? • What would you do?

32. Case study #2 • Pamela and John are mid-level professionals at Colonial University. Colonial is a large, private, 4 year institution located in the Midwest. While considered at the same level in the organizational chart, Pamela often sees John entering the director’s office to “chat”, spending time with leaders at the University, and receiving projects that Pamela was not aware of until John mentions them in passing. John consistently pokes fun at Pamela during meetings, and plays it off as a joke when confronted. Pamela notices that John will often have his feet up on tables during pro staff meetings, talk while the assistant director is speaking, and deliberately ignore aspects or directives of the job when he does not see them as important. • Is this an instance of a toxic work place or bullying? • What would you do?