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The Journey Away From Abuse: Conversations on Domestic Violence

This book explores the experiences of men and women who have survived domestic violence, offering insights and guidance on preparing individuals for couple conversations. Topics covered include safety, responsibility, trust, respect, communication, shame, and forgiveness.

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The Journey Away From Abuse: Conversations on Domestic Violence

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  1. The Journey Away From Abuse: Conversations With Men and Women About Domestic Violence Marilee Burwash-Brennan, MSW Jane Donovan, MEd Canadian DV Conference, Toronto 2013 bridges@bridgesinstitute.org www.bridgesinstitute.org

  2. Journey Away From Abuse • Preparing individual women and men for couple conversations • Safety/ Responsibility • Trust/Respect • Communication • Shame • Forgiveness • Couples Conversations

  3. Journey Away From Abuse“Healing and Repair” Safety Trust Communication Intimacy Responsibility Respect Shame Forgiveness

  4. Women Blaming herself; relinquishing his responsibility Taking responsibility for her choices re: safety Men Blaming her; accepting responsibility Taking responsibility for emotional safety Safety/ Responsibility

  5. “I am learning to slow down myself and feel the feeling and stay with it. For all those years I blocked my feelings as I experienced abuse. There’s only so much that your mind and body can deal with, so you just don’t feel anymore. What I have been doing now when I feel a feeling I don’t want to feel (sadness, anger). I own it. I want to feel it, it makes me alive whether it’s good or bad. I needed a separation period from my partner and then we spent small amounts of time together. You learn to express yourself in small bits. For example, I remember saying I see you are getting upset right now, maybe we should talk about this later. When you see those signs (from his body language) that his upset is subsiding on a consistent basis and he owns what he did and takes responsibility then he can earn trust back.”

  6. Women Trusting herself Trusting him Men Linking values and actions Trust/Respect

  7. Women Finding voice; expressing anger Taking responsibility for her own communication Men Listening to women’s anger Taking responsibility for his communication/sharing emotions respectfully Communication

  8. Women Unhelpful Men Helpful/Unhelpful Shame

  9. Women Unhelpful Helpful Men Letter of Apology Forgiveness

  10. Couples Conversations Criteria for couples conversations • What’s important? What gets in the way? • Negative patterns/escalation • Confusing/collapsing the past with the present • Studying effects of abuse (Internalized other interview) • Apology • Engagement/ Connection • Sex and Intimacy

  11. The End Marilee Burwash-Brennan, MSW Jane Donovan, MEd Canadian DV Conference, Toronto 2011 bridges@bridgesinstitute.org www.bridgesinstitute.org

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