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WLA Specialist DV programme. Training Groundrules. Confidentiality Looking after ourselves Respecting others and sharing the responsibility to challenge each other respectfully Timekeeping Distractions. Theory and understandings. Definitions. HOW IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE DEFINED?.
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Training Groundrules • Confidentiality • Looking after ourselves • Respecting others and sharing the responsibility to challenge each other respectfully • Timekeeping • Distractions
HOW IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE DEFINED? New Home Office definition (2012) is broader than before, less focused on physical violence and has a lower age threshold: “Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. This can encompass, but is not limited to, the following types of abuse: psychological; physical; sexual; financial; emotional. Controlling behaviour is: a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour. Coercive behaviour is: an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.”
HOW IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE DEFINED? Domestic violence - England Domestic abuse - Scotland Intimate partner violence - USA
Prevalence 7.3% of women (1.2m) and 5% of men (800,000) reported having experienced domestic abuse in the last year.(BCS 2011/12). 28% needed medical attention. The 2010/11 British Crime Survey estimated that 30% of women and 17% of men had experienced domestic abuse since the age of 16.1 This is equivalent to an estimated 4.8 million female and2.8 million male victims between the ages of 16 and 59.2
Women who are unemployed are more than twice as likely to have experienced domestic violence or abuse in the last year than those with a job, 15% compared with 6%. For men it is 7% against 5%. For men and women with incomes of less than £10,000 a year, the proportion affected last year was 9% and 12% respectively. Among those earning £50,000 or more, the risk falls to 4%. • Those with a long-standing illness or disability are also in greater danger - 13% of women in that category and 7% of men suffered domestic abuse last year compared with a general likelihood of 7% and 5% respectively. • The NHS estimates that 30% of domestic abuse cases commence during pregnancy - NHS (2011)
those aged 16-19 or 20-24 were more likely to be victims of domestic abuse or stalking. • Sexual assault was most likely to occur to women aged 16-19. • The highest risk group for domestic abuse amongst women were those that were separated, who made up 1 in 5 victims
Children’s exposure to DV Children present in 55% of DV incidents Hester 2009 Scottish crime survey 2009 – 33% of DV victims had children living with them Children present in 63% of most recent incidents 77% saw or heard the DV 2% hurt or injured during the incident
Children and DV: Over a quarter (26%) of young adults reported that physical violence sometimes took place between those caring for them during childhood. For 5% this violence was constant or frequent.Cawson, P. (2002)Child maltreatment in the family. London: NSPCC. p.37. At least 750,000 children a year witness domestic violence DV features in the lives of 37% of children who are receiving SW interventions and 60% on the risk register. (Children in Need Census). Up to 77% of cases coming to private law proceedings involve allegations of domestic violence, with informal estimates placing the figure around 90% (HMICA 2005).
Incidence of DV where child neglect or maltreatment is identified : • for those young adults who said that during childhood they had been neglected, 88% had lived with some level of domestic violence, and for 59% the violence was constant or frequent • For young adults who had been physically abused, 75% had lived with some level of domestic violence, and for 36% the violence was constant or frequent • For young adults who had been emotionally abused, 71% had lived with some level of domestic violence, and for 48% the violence was constant or frequent • For young adults had been sexually abused, 54% had lived with some level of domestic violence, and for 20% the violence was constant or frequent.Cawson, P. (2002)Child maltreatment in the family: the experience of a national sample of young people. London: NSPCC. p.37-38.
Incidence of child maltreatment where DV is identified: Research indicates that between 30 to 66 per cent of children who live with DV also suffer direct abuse A US family violence survey analysed 3,363 cases of family violence, found an almost 100 per cent correlation between the most chronic and serious violence by men toward women and physical abuse of children
Coincidence of child abuse and DV 28 cases of fatal child abuse perpetrated by fathers All 26 cases children < 4 yrs Men – lower levels of education, higher levels of unemployment, general criminal histories, unreasonable developmental expectations of the children, low tolerance, jealous of children and in three quarters of cases also violent to mother Cavenagh, Dobash & Dobash 2007 – murder in Britain study
Post separation child murders • 29 children killed during child contact in 13 families (1994-2004) • DV in 13 of those families • In 5 cases the contact was court ordered Saunders 2004
Parental underestimation of children’s exposure • 46% of caregivers reported exposure while 77% of their children did (Johnson et al 2002)
Learning from Serious case reviews of child homicides • Where the information was available, well over half of the children had been living with domestic violence or parental mental ill health, or parental substance abuse. These three problems often coexisted. Brandon et al 2008
Gender British Crime Survey - 30% of women and 17% of men reported being victim of DV (excludes sexual violence) People subject to 4 or more incidents of DV 89% women. Women twice as likely to be injured and 3 times as likely to report living in fear. 37% of women homicides were committed by a partner or former partner compared to 8% of male homicides. Recorded crime - 90% involve a female victim. Devon MARAC figures 2006 - (high risk cases) – 7% female perpetrators
General surveys tend to indicate that women are as violent as men
But agency studies indicate thatmen are more often the perpetrators…
How to respond to this? On a case by case basis, look in detail at: frequency, severity, impact, the level of ‘coercive control’ - the pattern of other controlling behaviours in the relationship, and the extent to which one partner lives in fear of the other.
Life on three planets (Adapted from Marian Hester) Domestic violence: (civil and criminal law); Focus on offence and offender and changing him; Woman as victim; Child invisible Child invisible Child contact: (private law); Mother’s resistance Considered hostile; Presumption of Contact; father As victim (?) Child protection: (public law); Child as victim mother seen as failing to protect focus On changing her Father invisible
Setting a safe context Work on family assessment issues if both parents or children are around Plan for seeing the parents separately - present this as standard For perpetrators and for some victims this should be in a safe setting
Approaching the issue What did you see in your partner when you first met? How did he make you feel at first? When did you first get even slightly worried about the way he dealt with his anger? What were the earliest signs he might be a bit of bully? What is he like when he is angry – at his best and worst? When did he first lay a hand on you in anger? How does he get physical with you when arguing? What is most frightening about him and his behaviour? What bothers you most about all this?
Getting some details to help make a risk assessment What do you feel is the worst thing he’s done to you?I know this is difficult to say - this is not about making you feeling bad, this is just about increasing your safety which means being able to assess the risk. I need to try to form a clear picture for myself so you know what we’re dealing with. Ask: When the worst incident took place..... Where was he? Where was she? Where were the children? What violence was used? How much force? To where on the body? Did she fall or hit against something? With what impact on her? How many times did he hit her? etc. It is useful to use scales – on a scale of 1-5 (5 being punching her as hard as possible) how hard did he punch her?
Asking about the children What are the best times for you as a parent? What are the hardest times for you? What do you find hardest about each child’s behaviour? Tell me about a time when he/she has misbehaved. Why do you think s/he acts like that? How do you try to manage that, at your best and when you’re at your worst? What kinds of discipline do you use? What happens if this doesn’t work? Do you and their mother/father agree about how to discipline them? What have you noticed about how the children are affected by the arguments between you and your partner? Do you talk with your child about the conflict in the family? What do you say? What would you want to say, if you could?
Fathers services Getting started - Asking about violence
Expanding his ethical side Listening to what he wants to tell you first So what brought you here? This might be a difficult process and I’m sure you’ve thought about that when deciding to come. What made you think it mattered enough to give it a try? Repositioning his anger – reflecting back values You feel like no-one’s heard your side - so being listened to is really important to you so fairness really matters to you so justice is something you feel really strongly about – tell me what you mean by justice…. Get his consent to ask direct questions Would you tell me if I ask you something you don’t want to answer - would you speak out?
Be explicit about your safety needs If the above gives you cause for concern then you can ask If you begin to feel angry at me or misunderstood by me how can we make sure you won’t [do whatever he has done elsewhere] or smash my place up or just walk out on this for good? What could you do in that situation? What could I do to help?
Approaching the issue • When did you meet? When did the relationship start getting serious? How soon did you move in together/marry? • What did you see in your partner when you first met? What did she see in you, do you think? • We all have rows at home sometimes. What issues did you argue over at first? And later? • Are you worried about how you deal with anger? • Do you ever get out of control? • Do you feel there’s times when you’ve gone too far? / when you haven’t used the right methods to stand up for yourself? • Are there things you’ve done that you don’t feel so good about?
What are you like when you are angry? – best/ worst & examples When did you first lay a hand on her in anger? How do you get physical with her when arguing? If you could see a film of yourself during an argument, how would you look? Do you pace around, shout, bang things, break things, stand close to her when you are shouting?’ Have you ever hit her or pushed her around? Have you ever frightened her? How long do arguments last? How do they end? How often do arguments like this happen?
What do you feel is the worst thing you’ve done to her? What would s/he say? How did that incident end? When you picture that in your minds eye (describe back the end of that incident) what are realising?
Back to the children • How has the violence in your relationship affected your relationship with your children? • What do you think they are aware of? • What have you noticed about how the children are affected by the violence and abuse between the adults? • Do you talk with your child about the conflict in the family? What do you say? What would you want to say, if you could?
Anger management as a response to DV? Anger management’ suggests that the client has difficulty controlling anger. But • this doesn’t necessarily fit the instrumental, controlling nature of some types of DV (DV perpetrators tend to score at normal levels on measures of anger expressivity) (b) Interventions are usually short, sometimes a weekend, and therefore insufficient to address the deep rooted fears, expectations and beliefs which drive intimate partner violence. (c) This can leave clients constantly trying to control the anger they feel when their partner doesn’t meet their rigid expectations – rather than questioning and moderating these expectations
Systemic and couples work • Couples tend to choose their partners in recognition (conscious or otherwise) of a familiar internal world • This results in the possibility of endless re-enactment of early dynamics such as violent conflict. A forensic perspective would suggest we seek to endlessly draw the world into enacting our internal world dynamics • It may also result in the possibility of genuine shifts and development in the internal world when familiar dynamics such as angry conflict are resolved without the anticipated enactment of violence and abuse • Couples work allows for development of empathy, constructive work on the problems that the violence is used to suppress (incl. communication), and is also used to help couples work on adjusting both ‘triggers’ and the response to these.
Couples work, mediation? • The victim is unlikely to feel free to speak freely - this will exacerbate the power imbalance • And if s/he does feel free, may be punished later with physical violence or other abuse for speaking out of turn • The implication is that both people have some responsibility for the violence which may exacerbate self blame and the idea that if the victim doesn’t change then the perpetrator is justified in their abuse • Violence exists and persists in close relationships partly due to a focus on the victim’s behaviour and how it makes the perpetrator feel. A shift needs to happen so that the focus turns to the perpetrator’s behaviour and how this affects the victim. This is not always achieved in couple's work which traditionally strives towards a balance of responsibility for any given problem.
The feminist model (Duluth)
VIOLENCE THREATS, COERCION & INTIMIDATION CHASING, HARASSING & STALKING SEXUAL PHYSICAL * making threats to hurt her * scaring her by using looks, actions or gestures * smashing things * destroying her property * abusing pets * displaying weapons * threatening to leave or kill * contacting her at times or in places where it's not welcome * not letting her leave the argument or relationship * using finances or kids as excuses to make unwelcome contact * using BLOCKING WOMEN'S ANGER EMOTIONAL ABUSE * using threats and intimidation to silence her * not listening to her * interrupting her * ignoring her * mocking her concern * making her feel mad, bad or sick for feeling angry others to make unwelcome contact * putting her down * making her feel bad about herself * calling her names * making her think she's crazy * playing mind-games * humiliating her * coming back with constant counter-accusations POWER AND CONTROL ABUSING MALE PRIVILEGE & ECONOMIC ABUSE ISOLATION & ACTING JEALOUS * controlling what she does, who she sees, what she reads, where she goes * limiting or discouraging her outside involvement * using threats or abuse to others to * treating her like a servant * making all the big decisions * denying her access to or knowledge about the family income * making her ask for or be grateful for money SEXUAL ABUSE MINIMISING, DENYING, LYING, BLAMING * preventing her from working outside the home * redefining her role USING CHILDREN * forcing her to watch, take part in, or be subject to any sexual act * coercing her into sexual acts * using sulks or punishments if she refuses sex *using sexual put-downs or sexual humiliation * blaming her for your problems or for your abuse * making light of the abuse * making light of the effects of your abuse * saying the abuse didn't happen * encouraging the children to take sides * making her feel guilty about the children * using child contact to harass her * using contact/custody cases to continue your argument with her * making her feel crazy by lying to her * using sexual 'double standards' PHYSICAL * using children to relay messages * threatening to take trhe childen away SEXUAL VIOLENCE yourself achieve this The power and control model of an abusive relationship
CULTURE norms rituals values language traditions INSTITUTIONS media police courts education medicine VIOLENCE sexual physical heroines dances music sexual social services government POWER AND CONTROL work economics religion fads heroes art physical INSTITUTIONS VIOLENCE CULTURE A model of an equal and non-controlling relationship
* listening to her anger * respecting her anger as real & as having real reasons * valuing her feelings & opinions * responding non-abusively EQUALITY NON-VIOLENCE FAIRNESS, NEGOTIATION & NON- THREATENING BEHAVIOUR LETTING GO * making her feel safe & comfortable to express herself & do what she chooses * seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict * accepting change * being willing to compromise RESPECTING WOMEN'S ANGER RESPECT * finding your own support network * listening to her non-judgmentally * being emotionally supportive, affirming & understanding * valuing her opinions ECONOMIC PARTNERSHIP & SHARED RESPONSIBILITY TRUST & SUPPORT * respecting her right to have her own feelings, friends, activities & opinions * not expecting her to take care of your insecurities * supporting her goals in life * making financial and other major family decisions together * respecting her right to choose what's best for her & do it * mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work SEXUAL RESPECT HONESTY & ACCOUNTABILITY RESPONSIBLE PARENTING * respecting that it's her body & her right to consent or not * taking 'no' for an answer * sexual honesty & openness * giving love & affection without strings * accepting responsibility for self * acknowledging past use of violence * being answerable for past violence & its effects * admitting being wrong * communicating openly & truthfully * keeping child contact a separate issue * if necessary, using legal & other forms of mediation to support you in this * sharing parental responsibilities * being a positive, respectful, non- attached * being sexually affirming * taking responsibility for safe sex * mutuality violent role-model for the children * good-enough parenting NON-VIOLENCE * letting her initiate contact when & if she chooses * backing down & leaving arguments * letting her leave arguments * letting your anger go / not winding yourself up A model of an equal and non-controlling relationship
