How to Learn More From Every Mediation

1. How to Learn More From Every Mediation Zeke Reich ADR Specialist Zeke.Reich@va.gov May 9, 2012

2. How to Learn More “Try to be one of the people on whom nothing is lost!” -Henry James

3. “Deliberate practice” • Research on expert musicians and athletes: Expertise comes not just from the number of hours you practice, but how you deliberately challenge yourself to get better (Ericsson 2006) • “Only perfect practice makes perfect.” – Vince Lombardi

4. Deliberate Mediation Practice • Before the mediation • During the mediation • After the mediation

5. After the mediation • Choose a critical event to focus on.

6. Critical Event A moment when… the mood suddenly improved? one of the parties got angry? your co-mediator gave you a puzzled look? something unexpected happened? you felt surprised?

7. Zeke’s Critical Event !!!! Zeke Bob threatens to walk out Bob Alan

8. After the mediation • Choose a critical event to focus on. • Find a “move” you made that led to that event.

9. Interaction (Mediation Session, etc) … Someone says/does something Someone says/does something Someone says/does something Someone says/does something …

10. Zeke’s Critical Event in Context … Zeke said, “Just checking the box?” Alan said “Yes” Bob threatened to walk out Zeke was surprised … Zeke’s “Move” Critical event

11. A “Move” A “move” is an action (something said or done) in order to reach a goal. It can also be called an action with an intention. Zeke said, “Just checking the box?” Zeke’s “Move”

12. Intentions “Hi, Rob!” Intentions can be either conscious or implicit. Specific intentions fit into our larger models of how to act. I want to be friendly “I should be a nice person.”

13. Zeke’s Critical Event in Context … Zeke said, “Just checking the box?” Alan said “Yes” Bob threatened to walk out Zeke was surprised … Zeke’s “Move” Critical event

14. After the mediation • Choose a critical event to focus on. • Find a “move” you made that led to that event. • Map the move. • What impact did it have?

15. Mapping the Move: Impact … Zeke said, “Just checking the box?” Alan said “Yes” Bob threatened to walk out Zeke was surprised … Zeke’s “Move” Critical event

16. Mapping the Move: Impact Bob threatened to walk out B thought, “A doesn’t care!” Zeke’s “Move” Bob heard Zeke & Alan Alan said “Yes” The impact of the move Zeke said, “Just checking the box?”

17. After the mediation • Choose a critical event to focus on. • Find a “move” you made that led to that event. • Map the move. • What impact did it have? • What were the intention(s) behind it?

18. Mapping the Move: Intentions Impartiality Zeke didn’t want to alienate Bob Alan said, “This won’t be helpful!” Empathy Zeke wanted to build rapport with A Zeke said, “Just checking the box?” Being liked Zeke trying to make Alan like him Zeke’s “Move”

19. Mapping the Move Impartiality Zeke didn’t want to alienate Bob Alan said, “This won’t be helpful!” Empathy Zeke wanted to build rapport with A Zeke said, “Just checking the box?” Alan said “Yes” Bob heard Zeke & Alan B thought, “A doesn’t care!” Bob threatened to walk out Being liked Zeke trying to make Alan like him Critical event Zeke’s “Move” Values Intentions Actions Impact

20. After the mediation • Choose a critical event to focus on. • Find a “move” you made that led to that event. • Map the move. • What impact did it have? • What were the intention(s) behind it? • Assess the move. • Did its impact match the intentions behind it?

21. Did impact match intention? Impartiality Zeke didn’t want to alienate Bob Alan said, “This won’t be helpful!” Empathy Zeke wanted to build rapport with A Zeke said, “Just checking the box?” Alan said “Yes” Bob heard Zeke & Alan B thought, “A doesn’t care!” Bob threatened to walk out Being liked Zeke trying to make Alan like him Critical event Zeke’s “Move”

22. After the mediation • Choose a critical event to focus on. • Find a “move” you made that led to that event. • Map the move. • What impact did it have? • What were the intention(s) behind it? • Assess the move. • Did its impact match the intentions behind it? • Am I satisfied with the intentions and models behind it?

23. Satisfied with intentions/models? Impartiality Zeke didn’t want to alienate Bob Alan said, “This won’t be helpful!” Empathy Zeke wanted to build rapport with A Zeke said, “Just checking the box?” Alan said “Yes” Bob heard Zeke & Alan B thought, “A doesn’t care!” Bob threatened to walk out Being liked Zeke trying to make Alan like him Critical event Zeke’s “Move”

24. After the mediation • Choose a critical event to focus on. • Find a “move” you made that led to that event. • Map the move. • What impact did it have? • What were the intention(s) behind it? • Assess the move. • Did its impact match the intentions behind it? • Am I satisfied with the intentions and models behind it? • Make instructions for next time.

25. Instructions to Myself The next time… I’m trying to build rapport with a disengaged party but also want the other party to stay present: I will stick more closely to the parties’ words when I paraphrase. I start a mediation: I will make more small talk early on rather than try to empathize with a disengaged party. I feel myself acting in order to “make a party like me:” I will try to catch myself and stop acting that way!

26. After the mediation • Choose a critical event to focus on. • Find a “move” you made that led to that event. • Map the move. • What impact did it have? • What were the intention(s) behind it? • Assess the move. • Did its impact match the intentions behind it? • Am I satisfied with the intentions and models behind it? • Make instructions for next time.

27. Deliberate Mediation Practice • Before the mediation • Remember the instructions you gave yourself last time • Think about your overall model and values • During the mediation • Closely observe everything • After the mediation • Reflect

28. After the mediation • Choose a critical event to focus on. • Find a “move” you made that led to that event. • Map the move. • What impact did it have? • What were the intention(s) behind it? • Assess the move. • Did its impact match the intentions behind it? • Am I satisfied with the intentions and models behind it? • Make instructions for next time.

29. Further Reading • Argyris & Schön (1974), Theory in Practice • Ericsson (2006), “The Influence of Experience and Deliberate Practice…” in The Cambridge Handbook of Expertise and Expert Performance • Kressel (2006), “Mediation Revisited,” in The Handbook of Conflict Resolution • Lang & Taylor (2000), The Making of a Mediator • Marsick et al (2006), “Learning Through Reflection,” in The Handbook of Conflict Resolution • Morrissette (2001), Self-Supervision • Patton (1985), On Teaching Negotiation • Peppet and Moffitt (2006), “Learning How to Learn to Negotiate,” in The Negotiator’s Fieldbook • Schön (1983), The Reflective Practitioner

30. Questions?

31. How to Learn More From Every Mediation Zeke Reich ADR Specialist Zeke.Reich@va.gov May 9, 2012