Basics of Conflict Management CRETE Day 2 Training Tricia S. Jones, Ph.D., Dept. of Psychological Studies in Education

1. Basics of Conflict ManagementCRETE Day 2 TrainingTricia S. Jones, Ph.D., Dept. of Psychological Studies in Educatione-mail: tsjones@temple.edu

2. Critical Tools for Constructive Classrooms • Understanding Needs Based Conflict • Positive Discipline • Conflict Styles • Collaborative Negotiation

3. Basic Needs • Love and Belonging • Power • Freedom • Fun • Safety

4. Appropriate and Inappropriate Methods • Kids have appropriate and inappropriate ways to get their needs met. • Around the room are flip charts with the needs listed. • Grab a marker and write on the charts both appropriate and inappropriate things you see kids do to meet this need.

5. PUNISHMENT Immediate response Stops a behavior Demeaning, humiliating, physically painful, or about exerting adult power/control/authority No long-term, positive effect DISCIPLINE Immediate or no response Stops or ignores the behavior Respects the importance of the relationship with the child Teaches or reinforces skills that have a long-term, positive effect Discipline Versus Punishment

6. Tools for Positive Discipline • Use Firm limits Language • Use Encouraging Messages • Develop Logical Consequences • Related • Reasonable • Consistent • Use Responsibility Planning

7. Dealing with the Angry Child • Understand the “Desperation Cycle” • Follow Guidelines for Deescalating • Remember “Aftermath” is important

8. Desperation Cycle • Child is unable to communicate and becomes more desperate • Child acts out feelings through behavior instead of words • Child feels shame, anger or guilt, leading to more desperation • Adult gets emotional and may react in counterproductive ways • Implementing punishment increases guilt or resentment, increasing child’s desperation

9. Breaking the Desperation Cycle • 1. Make it private! Remove other people. • 2. Distract them (music, food, drink) • 3. Help child communicate feelings – ask • 4. Use active listening skills (SOLER, APQA) to LISTEN • silence is your friend • 5. Respect child’s need for space • 6. Maintain calm demeanor

10. The Nature of Conflict • Conflict is “a disagreement between two or more people who have differences in goals or methods for dealing with a situation” • Normal • Natural • Necessary

11. Functional (helpful or constructive) Open Honest Calm Focused Flexible Energizing Creative Dysfunctional (not helpful or destructive) Closed Deceitful Tense Proliferation Rigid Draining Stupifying Functional and Dysfunctional Conflict

12. Conflict Styles • Conflict styles are the predominant ways that people deal with conflict. • Most people rely on one or two styles that are often defined by emphasis on concern for the self or concern for the other. • The goal of an effective conflict manager is to be able to use any conflict style when the situation demands.

13. Conflict Styles • Five Styles of Conflict Competing Collaborating Concern for Self Compromising Accommodating Avoiding Concern for Other

14. Thomas and Kilmann’s styles • Avoiding: Avoidance can be either physical and/or psychological • Accommodating: meeting the needs of the other person but ignoring your own needs.

15. Thomas and Kilmann’s styles • Competing: a win-lose orientation in which you try to maximize your gains • Compromising: “Split the Difference” • Collaborating: Problem-solving style in which the parties work together against the problem.

16. When Each Style is the Best • Avoiding • When the issue is trivial to you • When there is no long-term relationship • When you are the low power party in a serious power imbalance • Competing • When the other will be very competitive • When important others expect you to compete • AND when the stakes are high

17. When Each Style is the Best • Accommodating • When the issue is trivial to you • When harmony in the relationship is all important • When you are the low power party in a serious power imbalance • When you want to build trust in the other by demonstrating a protection of their interests • Compromising • When there are truly finite resources • When there are no means to increase the divisible resources

18. When Each Style is the Best • Collaborating • When the issue is complex and requires creativity • When there is a long-term relationship • When their implementation of the decision is necessary

19. Principled Negotiation • Scholars from the Harvard Negotiation Project have suggested ways of dealing with negotiation from a cooperative and interest-based perspective. They call this approach “principled negotiation” because it rests on four assumptions or principles.

20. Separate the People From the Problem • As you identify the problem, make sure you can distinguish between the issues to be solved and the people involved. Try to: • understand their perceptions • monitor their emotions • communicate effectively

21. Focus on Interests NOT Positions • A position is a tangible outcome that someone argues for. An interest is the reason why that outcome is desired and an underlying concern about the problem. • there are usually multiple interests for any issue • you don’t have to have common interests to find a solution that meets them all • the more you understand your interests and the other party’s interests, the better able you are to find a solution or solutions that will produce mutual and lasting satisfaction.

22. Invent Options for Mutual Gain - Brainstorm • This is a process of creating as many solutions as possible BEFORE you evaluate them to decide which are the best options. • Otherwise, good ideas never have a chance to be suggested and discussed because people are too busy arguing over the first ideas introduced.

23. Find Good Criteria • Choosing a good solution or solutions (remember you can have more than one), depends on making sure that the criteria for solutions are considered legitimate by the parties. The criteria come from • interests already identified by the parties, especially common interests shared by all parties • external rules or policies that must be followed