Weeds and Roses

1. Incentives for Charity Weeds and Roses

2. Vague language/examples=weak writing • Compare: • Sometimes when things are offered for incentives, some people will donate more. • VS. • When people phoned into the Red Cross to donate after Hurricane Katrina, the offer of a t-shirt at the fifty dollar range encouraged people to double their contribution. • Which sentence is more effective? Why? Weed #1—Use of vague language

3. All samples are real Don’t you worry! Why do I use them? Don’t you worry! DISCLAIMER!!

4. Rewrite this opening to be more specific and concrete: • “When anyone comes up to a door asking for donations or attempting to sell something, sometimes there is something in it for them and that is the sole reason they are asking. The person whom they are asking may be wondering, ‘What is in it for me?’, and will only give if they get something in return.” Weed #1—Use of vague language

5. Words to eliminate: • Thing • Sometimes • Something • Someday • Ideas • What specific, concrete word(s) can we use instead of these blah ones? Weed #1—Use of vague language

6. Mark of a good writer? Subtle, sly transitions Interesting hooks… Now connect it to your thesis Don’t make me a whip-lash victim! Weed #2—Relate thesis to intro

7. Where could this writer make a better connection between ideas? “…These organizations rely on donations through the community seeing as they are non-profit companies with much money to spare themselves. These donations come from many sources, car drop-offs, bins located in strategic places across town and local schools. It is not acceptable for student to donate items to these shelters for the incentive of extra points on tests or grade advantages.” What simple connectors (word, phrase, sentence, etc.) could we add to relate these two ideas? Weed #2—Relate thesis to intro

8. What about this one? Write down a sentence to connect unrelated ideas: • “Imagine that you are walking through the park with a loaf of bread in your hand. All of a sudden, two ducks land in front of you, their eyes filled with want for the bread you possess. The first duck drops a ten dollar bill on the ground in front of you while the second just stands there. Which duck are you most likely to give the bread to? Incentives encourage people to give, and if the need is great, their gift is still a perfectly ethical donation, whether they receive an incentive or not.” Weed #2—Relate thesis to intro Sure wish I could find a transition so I could exchange this money for bread!

9. Yes, “The Ethicist” was solely about “donations for grades, but… “The practice of offering incentives for charitable acts in widespread, from school projects to fund drives by organizations such as public television stations, to federal income tax deductions for contributions to charities. In a well-written essay, develop a position on the ethics of offering incentives for charitable acts…” What if you just discussed donations for grades? What does that say about you as a writer? Student? Citizen of the world? Weed #3—answer the prompt…all of it!

10. Weed #3—answer the prompt…all of it!Which is the stronger paper based on Examples? • Tissue donation in English class • and canned food drive with pizza party prize at school • Math class donation • On a Dollar a Day donation • Firefighters 4th of July donations • The Miracle Network • American Red Cross VS. What do these sets of examples say about each of these writers?

11. “There is a lesson to be learned from hard work, and schools should not deprive students of this lesson. When students are thrust into the real world…” “Donating to receive an A would create an environment void of motivation. Studying for a test would be turned into a trip to the store…” Roses! (Organization around Sub-Claims)

12. “Therefore, incentives should not be given to students as a reward for helping out their community; their only reward should be a pat on the back.” • Use of varied syntax is important. Know how to use a ; -- correctly? Show off your ability to control syntax and stylistic effects! Roses!! (Proper use of a Semi-Colon!)

13. AP=answered the prompt, usually where I see your thesis AP with line through it…I don’t see your thesis (this is bad news) SIB=say it better WC=word choice SC=sub claim += Yea-haw! Nice one! Ms. K’s Marks:

14. And your potential FREAK OUT about them… Remember my promise to you yesterday… And remember how long it took you to see this guy: Now, before grades

15. Class Scores: Period 1: • 9-0 • 8-0 • 7-0 • 6-2 • 5-5 • 4-4 • 3-5 • 2-1 • 0-0 Period 5: • 9-0 • 8-0 • 7-0 • 6-3 • 5-5 • 4-6 • 3-1 • 2-1 • 0-0

16. RER=Reflection, Editing & Revision Process after all Weeds & Roses Must be completed within time frame (usually a week) to earn credit on essay Does not replace/improve/give a “whoop! Whoop!” To your essay Provides basis for learning/next essay/future revisions “Almost all good writing begins with terrible first efforts…” Anne Lamott

17. Record your score Check out the samples! Identify (highlight/circle & label) weeds in your paper FIX weeds in the margins or at the end or on another piece of paper Find your two weakest sentences. Explain why they are weak. Rewrite them to make them your strongest. Find your two weakest verbs. (Usually “to-be” verbs…am, is, was, were, be, being, been.) Explain why they are weak. Rewrite them to make them your strongest. Resubmit by next Wednesday for a score on your paper RER