Child Sexual Abuse

1. Child Sexual Abuse Compiled by Break The Silence With support from Tulir

2. What is Child Sexual Abuse? Child Sexual Abuse is the use of a child - girl or boy - for sexual gratification by an older or more powerful person. The offender is usually an adult, but could also be a more powerful child.

3. Myths and Facts [optional] Myth: Children are rarely abused in India, due to the Indian socio-cultural system Fact: research on reported incidents (from children and adult survivors) clearly indicates that child sexual abuse is a widespread problem affecting a very large number of children in the country. According to 1 study, 52% of boys and 47% of girls have reported sexual abuse of one form or the other 

4. Types of Child Sexual Abuse Child Sexual Abuse includes both Touching and Non-Touching Behaviors (but need not be limited only to these acts)  • May consist of a single incident or many acts over a long period of time. • Abuse is more often perpetrated by someone known to the child. • Abuse may escalate over time, particularly if the abuser is a family member.

5. Contact can Include • Fondling • Obscene phone calls • Exhibitionism • Masturbation • Intercourse • Oral or anal sex • Prostitution • Pornography • Any other sexual conduct that is harmful to a child's mental, emotional, or physical welfare

6. At what age can CSA start? In most cases, sexual abuse begins around 5 years of age, peaks at around 12 -14 years of age and then can decline (as per the Govt. report) or continue into adulthood.

7. Adult Reactions overlook minimize deny explain away disbelieve allegations of abuse This may be particularly true if the perpetrator is a family member.

8. When children disclose SA • Parents can be traumatized • Brings up their past sexual abuse • Decreases their ability to adequately parent their child • Makes them feel guilty, angry and helpless • Can increase marital / extended family difficulties • May fracture the family core in case of incest

9. Note  The absence of force or coercion does not diminish the abusive nature of the conduct, but, sadly, it may cause the child to feel responsible for what has occurred.

10. Facts about Child Sexual Abuse • any child we know is vulnerable to sexual abuse. • child sexual abuse is a universal problem affecting millions of children across the world. • both boys and girls are vulnerable to sexual abuse • children with disabilities are 3.4 times more likely to be abused compared with non-disabled children.

11. Who can abuse a child Rarely complete strangers, most often family members or acquaintances and someone the victim trusts explicitly: • Fathers / mothers • siblings / cousins • stepparents • grandparents • other family members - uncles, aunts • neighbors, caregivers • religious leaders • teachers / coaches or anyone else who is in close contact with children

12. Does an abuser have defining characteristics? - May be pedophiles or child molesters - do not share any specific common characteristics - both men and women can be abusers - do not belong to any particular socio-economic class - Education, or the lack of it, does not define an abuser - need not have any psychiatric disorder or emotional / psychological problems - can be married and have children of their own - may or may not have history of abuse in his/her childhood

13. When targeting a child, abusers • Pick someone who can be safely victimized • get access to the child by gaining the trust of the child's parent or adult caretaker • gain the child's trust and break down his defenses • Spend time observing and then tricking the child into performing sexual acts so that the victim appears to be a willingpartner • Manipulate an apparently "willing victim“ through encouragement, coercion, surveillance, constraint and bribery

14. Grooming • The process is called grooming. • It increases the abuser’s access to his victim and decreases the likelihood of discovery. • The abuser works on the premise that emotional seduction is the most effective way to manipulate children. • Grooming begins when the abuser chooses a target area where children are likely to go: schools, parks, shopping malls, playgrounds

15. What Child Abusers do • Strike up relationships with adults who have children at home, specially single parent families • Victim selection and recruitment are next – those who feel unloved and unpopular, who spend time alone and unsupervised, who lack confidence and self-esteem. • Find and fill voids in a child's life.

16. Baits used • May offer to play games, give rides, or buy treats and gifts as tokens of friendship. • They may offer drugs or alcohol to older children or teenagers. • They almost always offer a sympathetic, understanding ear. • I trust you. I respect you. I care for you more than anybody else. And I love you. I'm here for you.

17. Secrecy • Introduce secrecy at some point during the grooming process to create a bond • Later secrecy joins hands with threats • Break down a child's defenses and increase the child's acceptance of touch • Nonsexual touching in the beginning desensitizes the child. It breaks down inhibitions and leads to more overt sexual touching

18. Who is more at risk of being abused? • Children who believe that "respect" means unquestioning obedience to authority • Those who don’t have appropriate sex education, either by way of vocabulary or boundariesdue to cultural norms and embarrassment - Social norms giving children lower status than adults • A child's predisposition to love unconditionally and trust implicitly

19. Higher risk  - Having few friends/ isolated - Desire to please - Values stressing family honor  - Disability -  Dysfunctional family - Low self-esteem of the child

20. Why don't children report sexual abuse? • Fear of remembering • Fear of losing love, acceptance, status • Fear of shame and guilt • Fear of not being believed • Fear of being blamed or judged • Fear of further harm to self or parent

21. Lack of vocabulary of their private parts and the resulting inability to describe acts of sexual abuse. • Not recognizing they have been abused - especially young children and the disabled.

22. How does CSA continue? • Initial disclosure is not done • Abuse continues • Child now feels trapped and thinks 'I did not tell anyone when it first started. How can I tell them now? Every one will blame me for not resisting or not telling them earlier. I feel too ashamed to explain all this to my mom/ dad/ teacher. May be it will stop.“ The abuser, emboldened by the silence, goes ahead

23. How to Recognize Children's Disclosure • Indirect hints – ‘I don’t want to go to Uncle’s house anymore’ or ’Please don’t leave me alone with her’ • likely to give a little information at a time, maybe over several hours, weeks, months, or even years as the children test the reactions to their words • seem hesitant, confused, or uncertain while disclosing and later, may even deny the abuse ever happened. This does not mean that the abuse did not occur

24. Inappropriate behaviors indicating SA When an adult or older child : • Shows undue attention towards a child? • Insists on hugging, touching, kissing, tickling, wrestling with or holding a child even when the child does not want this affection? • Is overly interested in the sexuality of a particular child (e.g., talks repeatedly about the child's developing body)? • Constantly maneuvers to get time alone or insists on time alone with a child?

25. Spends most of his/her spare time with children and has little interest in spending time with someone their own age? • Buys children expensive gifts or gives them money for no apparent reason? • Frequently intrudes a child's privacy, for instance walks in on children in the bathroom? • Allows children to consistently get away with undisciplined behavior?

26. Physical Indicators of Child Abuse • Difficulty in walking or sitting •  Anxiety related illnesses, such as anorexia or bulimia • Discomfort in urinating or defecating •  Recurrent urinary infections • Evidence of physical trauma, to the oral, genital or anal areas, such as bleeding, discharge, soreness and/or itching • Bruising and other injury to breasts, buttocks and thighs and other parts of the body • Sexually transmitted disease in a child of any age • Unexplained pregnancy

27. Behavioral Indicators • Learning problems, absences from school, inexplicable fall in academic grades, poor memory and lack of concentration • Reluctance to participate in physical or recreational activities • Regression to younger behavior, such as thumb- sucking, acting like a baby, bedwetting, speech difficulties

28. Sudden accumulation of money or gifts • Complaining of headaches, stomach pains or nausea without a physiological basis • Fatigue and sleeping difficulties • Poor self-care/personal hygiene / excessive bathing • Depression

29. Tendency to cling or need constant reassurance • Social withdrawal (such as poor or deteriorating relationships with adults and peers) • Child running away from home/school. • Developing fears, phobias and anxieties in relation to a specific place or adult related to abuse • Wearing of provocative clothing, or layers of clothes to hide injuries and/or to appear unattractive

30. Obsession with sex or complete aversion to it. • Questioning their sexuality and gender • Drug and alcohol use, abuse and addiction. • Sleeping & Eating disorders • Perfectionism and work holism • Sexual offending • Mental illness

31. Sexual knowledge, behavior, or use of language not age appropriate • Sexual inference in children's recreational activities such as drawing, playing, singing etc • Sexually abusive behavior towards other children particularly younger or more vulnerable than themselves • Self-injurious behavior, body-mutilation, getting in trouble with law, suicide attempts

32. Effects of Child Abuse • Distrust of others and themselves • Terror and anxiety • Phobias • Shame, guilt and self-hatred • Alienation from their bodies • Powerlessness, depression, extreme passivity • Anger

33. Other factors Multiple forms of maltreatment or neglect may accompany child sexual abuse • Physical abuse • Neglect • Domestic violence • Emotional abuse • Absence of one parent

34. How to keep children safe from sex offenders? • Teach children to trust their feelings and that it is OK to say "no" when someone they know and care about, does something they do not like. • Set and respect family boundaries. • Speak up when "warning sign" behaviors are seen or reported. • Get comfortable talking about difficult topics such as sexual abuse and saying the proper names of body parts before teaching them to children.

35. Teach children the differences between Safe touch and Unsafe touch and that secrets about touching are not OK. • Tell them that people they know could be capable of doing hurtful things. • Encourage affirm and acknowledge a child's opinions and feelings - giving them a sense of self esteem and confidence. • Involve your child in setting up a safety plan that is easy to remember. • List for yourself and your child whom to call for advice, information, and help.

36. If a child tells you she/he was abused Don’t react with • Shock –’How could You?’ • Disbelief – ‘What nonsense!’ • Denial – ‘Don’t make up stories.’ • Self-blame – ‘I should have been more careful’ • Anger – ‘I told you not to…’ • Confusion – ‘what? I don’t understand…’ • Doubt - ‘Is it true.. Can’t be…’ These are common reactions but don’t help the child.

37. How should I respond? • Find a private place to talk • Believe the child; they may be confused about details but rarely lie about the abuse • Remain calm; don’t over or under react • Thank your child for telling you and praise her courage. If she expresses guilt or shame, let her know the abuse was not her fault. • Respect the feelings your child is experiencing. Each child expresses his or her feelings differently.

38. What should I do? • Keep the child away from the offender • Do not make negative comments about the abuser since your child may know and care about that person. • Don’t correct your child’s language if she doesn’t use the proper terms for private body parts. Use her language. • Tell your child you will be taking action to keep her safe, but don’t promise things you can’t control (e.g., “I’ll make sure he goes to jail”). • Report the abuse and seek professional assistance

39. What does an abused child want? An abused child wants 2 things – • The child wants to be believed and • The child wants the abuse to stop.

40. What you can do as parents • Know your child's teachers, coaches, day care providers, and other significant adults in their lives. • Make unannounced visits. • Ask questions. Stay involved. Talk to your children. • Teach them to recognize grooming behavior. • Teach them to be wary of any physical contact initiated by an adult. • Teach them to trust you with their problems and their pain.

41. Keep your child safe The safest child is the child who knows he can bring his problems and concerns to parents and adult caregivers without reproach or retaliation.

42. In Conclusion "The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." -Albert Einstein  

43. An appeal • Acknowledge the existence of CSA • Take proactive steps to ensure that children benefit from your caring and foresight, and truly feel safe all the time • Respond in a timely and appropriate way if you see evidence of CSA • SPEAK UP AGAINST CHILD ABUSE NOW