Parent Panel- TRANSitioning Through The Years-Respecting and Raising Healthy Happy Kids!

1. Parent Panel- TRANSitioning Through The Years-Respecting and Raising Healthy Happy Kids! • Kate Levy Volunteer Chair, Family Planning Committee 2012 TransHealth Conference 408-662-0004, will check voicemail and email during the conference kate.levy@me.com • Judy Sennesh Family Planning Committee Member 2012 TransHealth Conference facilitates a group called the TransParent Project- PFLAGNYC.  Will be at PFLAGNYC table in Philly. Will answer emails during the conference transgender@pflagnyc.org • Kathy Ryan Family Planning Committee Member 2012 TransHealth Conference • Peggy Cryden M.A., LMFT (Individual, Couple and Family Therapy) Encino, CA 818-906-1018, www.peggycryden.com • Wayne Maines onefathersjourney@gmail.com (available to meet-will check email daily) • Seth Carwyn Father, Husband, Transmale (Kate is SUPER Lucky to have him as a friend) • Transactive Conference Hotline is available for any child or family member needing to talk to someone during the conference. This number is only active during the conference. • During the conference, call: 503-252-3000 • After June 2: Transactive staff at 503-252-3000

2. "In a Bind" is a program of TransActive Education & Advocacy. We collect pre-owned and new chest binders and donate them to trans-masculine youth (age 21 and younger) in need. • Inspired by the heart-wrenching story of a teen harming himself in order to conceal his developing breasts, a mom in the Midwest helped coordinate with TransActive to establish the first national chest binder donation/distribution program. • The program launched in March 2012 and applications have been pouring in daily • which means WE NEED BINDERS. • • Bring a new or pre-owned clean binder to the Philadelphia Trans-Health Conference and visit TransActive’s table. There will be onsite binder collection bins! • If you would like to make a binder/monetary donation, visit the “In A Bind” website for more info: www.inabind.transactiveonline.org • • All monetary donations go to covering the cost of shipping binders to trans youth FREE OF CHARGE • • Donated binders can be mailed directly to TransActive-1631 NE Broadway 355-T, Portland, OR 97232 • •  Consider organizing a “In A Bind” Drive in your area • For more information, contact the TransActive “In A Bind” team: • Kit Crosland - kit@ transactiveonline.org • Kate Levy – kate.levy@me.com

3. DEFINITIONS Transgender : The broad umbrella term transgender includes anyone who knows themselves to be a gender that is different than the gender they were assigned at birth. For example, a person may have been raised a boy, but sees herself as completely female or vise vera. Other people who are transgender may have an alternative identity that is neither male nor female, and for some people their gender identity may vary at different points in their lives. Some people modify their bodies through medical means and some do not. Gender binary: The social construction of gender, where gender is a dichotomy between male and female. Cisgender (male or female): individuals who have a match between the gender they were assigned at birth, their bodies, and their personal identity.

4. Organizational Resources • Transactive- http://www.transactiveonline.org • TransActive is an internationally recognized non-profit focused on serving the diverse needs of transgender and gender nonconforming (children, youth, their families and allies. ‘In-A-Bind’ is a binder distribution program for teens in need. New and • Gently used binders needed. www.inabind@transactiveonline.org • The National Center For Transgender Equality www.transequality.org • NCTE is a 501(c)3 social justice organization dedicated to advancing the equality of transgender people through advocacy, collaboration and empowerment. NCTE was founded in 2003 by transgender activists who saw the urgent need for a consistent voice in Washington DC for transgender people. • The Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund Inc. http://www.transgenderlegal.org • ACLU – Michigan LGBT Rights and Protections Jay Kaplan 313.578.6800 jkaplan@aclumich.org • ACLU offices in many states have LBGT divisions. • Local Resources in YOUR State • In general- contact your local LGBT organization ask if there is an Adult/Youth or Family Transgender Support Group you can attend. Personally, I found that connecting with adults who identify as transgender very helpful for my family and my child. • Gender Diversity Education, Training and Support (Seattle) • http://www.genderdiversity.org • Gender Spectrum (San Francisco/Oakland) • www.genderspectrum.org • TransKids Purple Rainbow Rainbow (Florida) • http://www.transkidspurplerainbow.org • Trans Youth Equality Foundation (Portland, Maine) • http://www.transyouthequality.org • Trans Youth Support Network (Minneapolis) • http://www.transyouthsupportnetwork.org • PFLAG: Parents, Families, &Friends of Lesbians and Gays • Some local chapters have additional Transgender Support • www.pflag.org • T.U.F.F. Trans United with Family and Friends • Peggy’s son Jake Rostovsky co-founded the organization in 2009 with his mom. • www.tufforg.com

5. Books & Video Resources Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Recommended Fiction and Nonfiction Resources K-12 http://www.fyrefly.ualberta.ca/documents/resources/RecommendedFiction&NonfictionResources.pdf Compiled by Dr. Kristopher Wells (Edmonton Public Schools), Lindy Pratch (Edmonton Public Library), and Kim Bewick (Edmonton Public Library). kris.wells@epsb.ca. Rosalind Smith or Dr. Kristopher Wells Edmonton Public Schools P 780.429.8120 www.epsb.ca The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals written by: Stephanie A. Brill and Rachel Pepper http://www.genderspectrum.org/store or directly from Cleis Press the publisher http://www.cleispress.com Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children, edited by Rachel Pepper (2012) Kate Levy and Judy Sennesh authored one of the chapters included in this publication http://www.amazon.com/Transitions-Heart-Struggle-Acceptance-Transgender/dp/1573447889 http://www.cleispress.com Transgender 101: A Simple Guide to a Complex Issue written by Nicholas M Teich (March 2012) Nick is the founder of Camp Aranu'tiq www.camparanutiq.org BOOK PICKS From my 7 Year Old Son Skippyjon Jones book series by Judith Byron Schachner Skippyjon Jones is a Siamese cat who knows himself to really by a Chihuahua. Oliver Button is a Sissy by Tomie DePaola (1979) A little boy must come to terms with being teased and ostracized because he'd rather read books, paint pictures, and tap-dance than participate in sports. It’s Okay To Be Different by Todd Parr (2009) The Only Boy in Ballet Class by Denise Gruska (2007) Tucker loves ballet-even though some people don't understand his passion for dancing.

6. Additional Resources-working Locally and NationallyPlease be your families own best advocate and evaluate resources to see if they meet your need • TransActive Education & Advocacy (Portland, Oregon) • http://www.transactiveonline.org • Gender Diversity Education, Training and Support (Seattle) • http://www.genderdiversity.org • Gender Spectrum (San Francisco/Oakland) • www.genderspectrum.org • TransKids Purple Rainbow Rainbow (Florida) • http://www.transkidspurplerainbow.org • Trans Youth Equality Foundation (Portland, Maine) • http://www.transyouthequality.org • Trans Youth Support Network (Minneapolis) • http://www.transyouthsupportnetwork.org • PFLAG: Parents, Families, &Friends of Lesbians and Gays • Some local chapters have additional Transgender Support • www.pflag.org • T.U.F.F. Trans United with Family and Friends • Peggy’s son Jake Rostovsky co-founded the organization in 2009 with his mom. • www.tufforg.com

7. 11th Annual Philadelphia Trans-Health Conference 2012Wayne M. Maines - onefathersjourney@gmail.com(If someone wants to meet to I will be checking my email daily during the conference) When I was in the denial stage I was not ready to learn about transgender children, so Kelly causally placed a few books in the living room, just in case I might want to learn more. The first book I picked up was “She’s Not There – A Life in Two Genders” by Jenny Finney Boylan. It seemed non-threatening to me and is a great story. It opened the door to start learning more. Then I quietly started to research, read and considering asking others to learn more about transgender children and transgender issues. That was eight years ago and the resources were limited. Today you might find a number of books about transgender children in your local library. The Internet also brings many resources to your fingertips, but your search should not end there. If you have a college or university near your home there is a good chance the librarians or the student GLBT organization will have resources for loan. More importantly they may be able to put you in touch with some of the local and state resources, advocates and the many friendly faces that have already been down the journey you have started. Below are some of the resources I have used to help me grow: Transgender Books For Adults She’s Not There – A Life In Two Genders, Jenny Finney Boylan Transgender Explained For Those Who Are Not, Joanne Herman The TRANSGENDER Child, A Handbook for Families and Professional”, Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper For Teens Almost Perfect, (Fiction), Brian Katcher (Age 13 and older) Luna, Julie Anne Peters (Age 13 and Older) ORGANIZATIONS Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) focuses on education support for K-12 schools. www.glsen.org Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders (GLAD) is New England’s leading legal rights organization dedicated to ending discrimination based on sexual orientation, HIV status and gender identity and expression. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), is a national non-profit organization Parents that also provides resources and support for transgender children. www.pflag.org The Trans Youth Equality Foundation (New England Based) provides education, advocacy and support for transgender and gender non-conforming children and youth and their families. www.transyouthequality.org Bullying and Harassment Resources Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do (Understanding Children’s Worlds), Dan Olewus School Where Everyone Belongs: Practical Strategies for Reducing Bullying, Stan Davis Maine’s Best Practices in Bullying and Harassment: A Guide for School and Communities, www.ntis.gov  Short Stories; I have not found a great deal of reference materials focusing on dad’s raising transgender youth. During my weekly bus rides to spend the weekends with Kelly and the kids I started writing short stories as a means to cope with the stress and to help me sort out my thoughts. A few have been published on the Boston’s Children’s Hospital – Thrive Blog.http://childrenshospitalblog.org/childrens-in-the-news-courageous-childrens-family-speaks-with-boston-globe/ http://childrenshospitalblog.org/father-of-a-transgender-tween-speaks-out/ http://childrenshospitalblog.org/in-honor-of-transgender-remembrance-day/ http://childrenshospitalblog.org/childrens-gives-transgender-tween-new-hope/

8. One day I was working in my office trying to figure out how to solve a problem with a new tractor lift that a department wanted to install in their maintenance barn. The farm manager is a great guy, but he was really starting to get annoyed with my insisting that a certified mechanical contractor install the lift, when he knows his mechanic could do the job cheaper and just as well. It was about 4:00 pm and I wanted to get done, but Sam the custodian stopped by my office to say hello. My office door is always open and no matter how busy I am I try to take the time to listen and be helpful. When Sam and I chatted is was hardly ever about work; we talked about family, sports, and the world’s problems. On this day Sam would tell me about his weekend plans with his granddaughter. He told me about a local tradition that small towns in our state host a Valentine’s Day Father/Daughter Dance. He was very proud of the occasion. Sam is probably not much older than me, maybe mid-to-late fifties, but you could tell he'd had some tough times.  He had really bad knees and a pronounced limp, wild white hair, a great smile and enjoyable laugh. He proceeded to tell me about his hometown’s Father/Daughter Dance. He was going to borrow a friends Cadillac and buy his granddaughter flowers and a corsage. That Saturday night he would put on his dress suit, pick her up, take her out to dinner and escort her to the dance. You could tell that it was a special moment for him. He showed me her picture. When we were done talking I told him what a beautiful granddaughter he had, he smiled and said "Thank you, Wayne" and I went back to working on my problem. After he left it hit me. It was another one of those moments that required I expand my comfort zone.  I began to wonder if Orono had a Valentine’s Day Father/Daughter Dance? The concerns I had about my comfort zone are not what you might think.  I had no problem with the father/daughter part. My fear was the dancing part. I truly have a phobia about dancing and even worse, dancing in public. It is one of those fears that I have never tackled. I am not sure why I am afraid, but I do not dance. I did not even dance at my wedding. 
Shortly thereafter, my Nicole came home and while we prepared dinner she announced that there was going to be a dance at the town recreation building. I am sure I flinched and I am not sure what my wife Kelly was thinking at the time, but I bet she was wondering how I was going to respond. Would I refuse to attend the dance, or make up an excuse? Having already thought about such a thing made it easier for me to respond. No matter what my personal fears were, I could not break Nicole’s heart. I also knew that Kelly and all of our friends would be waiting to see what I would do. Of course none of our friends knew about my fear of dancing. The night of the dance finally arrived.  Nicole and Kelly had corsages, make-up and new dresses, my son Jonas had a shirt and tie and I put on my best suit. The kids had no idea how stressed and nervous I was, but I think Kelly had a clue. When we arrived at the recreation center all our friends and community members were having fun while waiting to dance. Jonas ran over to his buddies without a worry or care.  I think Kelly and Nicole were waiting to see what I would do. I could be wrong, but I thought it was a test, and for Nicole, confirmation that she was my daughter. I have no idea how I looked or if anyone could tell how extremely uncomfortable I was that night. The uneasiness was two-fold - the first being my fear of dancing and the second was my fear that someone might think my uneasiness was due to Nicole.  That was so far from the truth. Soon the lights were turned down low, the music started and the disco ball began to turn.  I started to panic. Thank goodness the first few dances were fast dances for the kids. Then, it was time for the father/daughter dance. Nicole and I walked out to the dance floor.  I could feel Kelly and the rest of crowd staring as we began to slow dance. I remember trying to waltz and keep my composure. I tried my best to calm down and not step on Nicole’s feet. As we danced she looked up at me with a big smile on her face.  It was a very special moment for many reasons and I was happy that I could show her how much I love her. The entire time we danced I had to tell myself to breathe. Occasionally, I would see Kelly out the corner of my eye acknowledging what a special moment this was for our family and our town.  I felt that everyone was watching me, but in reality there was little of that happening - we were at a small town dance, nothing more and nothing less. I was, again, proud of our community. That night I did not conquer my fear of dancing, but maybe I put a dent in it.  You will not see me trying to dance at a club in the near future.  I have no interest in dancing again, or trying to conquer this fear anytime soon.  I do however hope that someday I will attend Nicole’s wedding and will again share a special moment with her as I imagine everyone will be watching. I will no longer be concerned that they might be judging me or wondering how I will react to the evening’s events. I know that everyone will be smiling and thinking how beautiful she is and what a special moment it is for a father and daughter. Valentines Day Father/Daughter Dance – by Wayne Maines - 2008