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Chapter 11

Chapter 11. Social Skills. Vocabulary. Relationship An emotional or social connection you have with another person or group Relationships change as we get older and can change from moment to moment depending on the situation.

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Chapter 11

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  1. Chapter 11 Social Skills

  2. Vocabulary • Relationship • An emotional or social connection you have with another person or group • Relationships change as we get older and can change from moment to moment depending on the situation. • Communication is essential to establish and keep a healthy relationship

  3. Active Listening • Hearing and thoughtfully responding as a person is speaking • Paying attention to the person • Maintaining eye contact • Nodding to show understanding • Asking questions • Listening to the person rather then waiting to speak • Golden rule… Do unto others as you want done unto you

  4. Body Language • A way to communicate through body movements. • 97% of communication is said via body language • Shows true emotion… may send a silent message to the listener or to those around you

  5. Behavior • How you choose to respond or act. • Passive: saying and doing little to nothing • Aggressive: threatening behavior, may include being physical • Assertive: Expressing your thoughts and feelings in a respectful way. Being considerate to others feelings, thoughts, and attempting to work together to solve problems.

  6. Refusal Skills • Think… Choose… Act ! • Think of the situation and its possible consequences • Choose a course of action. One that you can be proud of and you know wont put your self or anyone else at risk physically, emotionally, or socially. • Act. Follow through with what you decided and after think about the outcome.

  7. Conflict Resolution • Do you really listen or do you just wait for your turn to speak ?

  8. Healthful Friendships

  9. What is a healthful friendship? • A balanced relationship that promotes mutual respect and healthful behavior • Improves or maintains the quality of life • Friends… • Take personal interest in each other • Support each other • Encourage each other • Participate in social activities together

  10. “A friend is a give that you give yourself” “To have a friend you must first be a friend”

  11. Initiating Friendships • Make a background check on the person (observations) • What do I know about this person? • Does this person have/display good character? • Do my parents know this person? • Will my parents approve of this relationship? • There is always a risk in initiating a friendship!

  12. Conversation Activity ! • Each student will get a partner and arrange desks around center yellow rectangle facing each other. • Begin a conversation with the goal of, ‘I need to learn one thing (not person) that this person likes and dislikes’ • Person on the outside will rotate to each person on the inside

  13. Asking questions Showing interest Listening Responding Encouraging others Being positive Eye contact Sharing ideas/feelings Encouraging to talk ‘I’ messages Talking about yourself Appearing disinterested Interrupting Changing the topic Bragging Complaining Avoiding eye contact Talking to others Dominating the conversation ‘You’ messages Conversation Keepers/Killers

  14. Rejection • Everyone experiences rejection • Rejection: the feeling of being un-welcomed or un-wanted • How should you respond? • Anger? • Bury Feelings? • Don’t care?

  15. Handling Rejection • Use I-messages to share feelings with the person who reject your gestures of friendship • Share your feelings with a trusted adult • Reaffirm your high-self worth always! • “They don’t know what they’re missing!”

  16. Barriers to Making New Friends • Shyness characterized by discomfort, inhibition, and awkwardness in social situations • Withdraw from interaction and expression • Loneliness characterized by unpleasant, painful, or anxious feelings as a result of having fewer or less satisfying relationships then desired • Temporary!

  17. Balanced Friendships • Friendships requires the commitment of both people • Balanced friendship: 2 people give and receive from each other, acts of kindness • Equality

  18. Listening Helping celebrate success Special Gifts can be purchased or made Listening Accepting gifts or help Express gratitude Ways to Give & Receive

  19. One-sided Friendships • One-sided friendship: a friendship in which one person does most of the giving and the other does most of the receiving • Why? • People pleasers • constantly seeks the approval of others • Only give to be liked or noticed by others • Don’t know how to receive from others

  20. Uncomfortable • Some do not know how to receive acts of kindness from others • They are uncomfortable accepting gifts of time or support • They have never learned to rely on others • Thus, they play the role of giver

  21. “Users” • People who do more or all of the receiving • Take from others to get their needs met • Little interest in meeting the needs of their ‘friends’ • They believe they should always come first • Want to be in control of decisions • Don’t know how to become close to others

  22. Ending Friendships • Changing friends is part of growing up • Why do friendships change? • Friends may move away • A friend may break confidence • Interests change • There are times when a person needs to be objective and decide if a “friend” is a friend • Encourage wrong actions contrary to one’s own values

  23. Application • Not everyone will be a friend • You must be a giver before becoming a receiver • Don’t be consumed with yourself, take interest in others • If you are unhappy in a friendship, confront the other person kindly. • Do not feel guilty about ending a friendship

  24. HarmfulRelationships

  25. Relationship • Relationship: a connection a person has with another person • A persons health status is affected by the quality of relationships they have • In general, relationships are usually healthful or harmful

  26. Healthful Promotes self-respect Encourages productivity and health Free of violence and drug use, misuse, or abuse Harmful Harms self respect Interferes with productivity and health Includes violence (verbal, physical, mental, emotional), drug use, misuse, abuse Relationships

  27. The people pleaser The enabler The clinger The fixer The distancer The controller The center The abuser The liar The promise breaker Harmful Ways of Relating

  28. The People Pleaser • Constantly seeks the approval of others • Do almost anything to be liked • Use alcohol or other drugs • Described as “doormats” because others can walk all over them with no consequences • Sabotage their chances for healthful relationships because others don’t respect them

  29. The Enabler • Support others’ harmful behavior • Deny or overlook another person’s harmful behavior, such as: • Drinking, gambling, or cheating • Make excuses or cover up others behavior • Might contribute to others behavior • Make bets for another with gambling problem • Drink with another who has a drinking problem • Sabotage: don’t require others to behave responsibly

  30. The Clinger • Needy and dependent • Feels empty inside and constantly turns to another person to feel better • No amount of attention or affection keeps the clinger feeling fulfilled • Eventually “suffocates” the other person • Sabotage: not giving other people space

  31. The Fixer • Tries to fix other people’s problems • Take on problems that are not their responsibility • Quick to give advice • Will identify different possible solutions and try them for the person • Fixers avoid their own feelings and problems • Sabotage: do not want others to solve their problems

  32. The Distancer • Emotionally unavailable to others • Keeps other people form getting too close in a number of ways • Being too busy to spend time • Avoid sharing feelings • Keep others at a distance to avoid getting hurt • Sabotage: not risking emotional involvement

  33. The Controller • Possessive, jealous, and domineering • Seeks power • Might tell another person what to do, what to wear, and what to believe • Might monopolize a girlfriend/boyfriend’s time • Sabotage: not respecting the interests or opinions of others; dominating

  34. The Center • Self-centered • Wearing “badge” that says “ME, ME, ME” • They do most of the talking and have little interest in what you say • Do what they want to do, when they want to do it • Aren't too concerned with others • Sabotage: focusing on themselves; ignore other’s needs

  35. The Abuser • Person who is abusive • Constantly put others down or harm others • Threaten, begin fights, act in other violent ways • Force (convince) another person to have sex • Tend to alternate periods of abusiveness with periods of gentleness • Sabotage: threatening and harming others

  36. The Liar • Does not tell the truth • Honesty is a foundation in any healthful relationship! • Lie about themselves to look good • Pretend to be something they are not • Avoids truth to manipulate others into the responses the liar wants • Sabotage: lying to get what they want

  37. The Promise Breaker • Not reliable • Make plans with another person and then be a “no show,” opting to do something better that has come along • Might promise to change their ways • People doubt their sincerity and commitment • Sabotage: not keeping their word

  38. Interactions • Interactions or dynamics in harmful relationships often explain why people end up in such relationships. • People who relate in harmful ways are drawn to each other. • Some examples match-ups…

  39. The Promise Breaker & the People Pleaser • PB makes plans to go to a movie with a • PP • PB cancels the plans when something else comes along • PP is angry, but keeps anger inside and accommodates PB with new date • • PB—must learn to keep commitments • • PP—must set limits and share feelings

  40. Controller & Enabler • C objects when girl/boyfriend spends time with friends • C is suspicious and accuses • E makes excuses for him/her, “He/She loves me so much…” • E gives up all her friends for him • C—respect gf/bf’s rights to have friends • E—take responsibility for him/herself

  41. Clinger & Distancer • C attracted to D because they fear being abandoned • D is emotionally unavailable • C & D afraid to get close • D runs from relationships; spends time, then backs off • C chases harder • C- address emptiness; develop self-confidence • D- share feelings and become close to others

  42. What To Do ! • Evaluate each of your relationships on a regular basis. • Recognize when you must end a relationship, rather then work it out. • Identify changes in behavior that must occur for you to stay in that relationship. • Talk to a parent, guardian, or trusted adult. • Have a frank discussion with the other person, sharing concerns and expectations. • Set a future date to evaluate again.

  43. Application • Life is full of relationships. • You can prevent, change, and free yourself from harmful relationships. • You do not have to stay in a harmful relationship. • Evaluate. Discuss changes. Set and keep a date to reevaluate! • Watch for others who may be in trouble.

  44. Chapter 11 Lesson 3 Family Health

  45. Empathy • Sharing and understanding another persons feelings • Listening & reading body language • Identification of feelings • Becoming aware of another’s daily struggle • ‘You do not know the trouble’s that people do not speak of !’

  46. Tolerance • Ability to overlook differences and accept people for who they are. • Helps develop respect and understanding • Everyone is different • Supports responsible behavior

  47. Nurturing • Providing the care and other basic things that people need to grow

  48. Why walk when you can Roll!!! • Home: Hillsborough, New Jersey • Birthdate: December 1, 1983 • After years of being a top medal contender in the women’s T53 class, Jessica Galli made the leap to being a world record breaker last season.   • Galli was injured in a car accident in September 1991, but shortly after became involved in disabled sports. In 1998, she attended her first international event, the IPC World Championships in Birmingham, England, and has been competing internationally ever since.

  49. In June 2007, Galli set a new mark in the 400m at a European Wheelchair Championships meet in Switzerland, taking nearly a half-second off the old mark, set by Great Britain’s Tanni Grey-Thompson. Three weeks later, she chopped another four-tenths of a second off her time – and broke two other world records, the 200m and 800m – at the Meet in the Heat in Atlanta. • A 2000 Paralympic Games silver medalist in the 800m, Galli says finishing fourth twice in 2004 in Athens has motivated her to excel as she trains for this year’s Games in Beijing. • Galli graduated from the University of Illinois in 2006 with a degree in kinesiology. She is currently a graduate student at Illinois, working toward a degree in health policy and administration.

  50. Major Achievements: • •    2008:  Nominated for an ESPY in the Best Female Athlete with Physical Disability category•    2007:  Named U.S. Olympic Committee Paralympian of the Year•    2007:  Three world records, 200m, 400m, 800m – Meet in the Heat, Atlanta, Ga.•    2007:  Two gold medals, 200m, 400m – Visa Paralympic World Cup, Manchester, United Kingdom•    2006:  Gold medal, 100m; Silver medal, 200m; Bronze medal, 800m – IPC Athletics World Championships, Assen, The Netherlands •    2006:  Two gold medals, 100m, 800m – Visa Paralympic World Cup, Manchester, United Kingdom•    2005:  Silver medal, 100m; Bronze medal, 400m – Visa Paralympic World Cup, Manchester, United Kingdom

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