Goals of the session

2. Understand what Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is and why it is important Obtain an overview of the EQ domains Be exposed to general EQ building principles Goals of the session

3. Emotions in everyday life Infectious smile Contagious good mood Road Rage Domestic violence Depression

4. Before we check EI……

5. Why is EQ so important? • Predicts higher work performance (three times better than I.Q) • Leadership is largely an emotional intelligence. • All interaction can be gauged along a continuum from emotionally toxic to nourishing • Two-thirds of workers say communication problems are the leading cause preventing them from doing their best work. • E.Q. Is one of the best predictors of divorceandmaritalsatisfaction • From Goleman & Gottman’s books

6. What is Emotional Intelligence (EI)? The capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.

7. Anyone can become angry- that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and the right way – that is not easy. Aristotle. Becoming Angry…

8. Quran’s Perspective on Emotional Management And who shun the more heinous sins and abominations; and who, whenever they are moved to anger, readily forgive; (42:37 )

9. Criteria for Allah’s Love And do not turn your face away from people in contempt, nor go about in the land exulting overmuch; surely Allah does not love any self-conceited boaster;(31:18)

10. Love for others what you love for yourself… قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم: لاَ يُؤْمِنُ أَحَدُكُمْ حَتَّى يُحِبَّ لِأَخِيهِ مَا يُحِبُّ لِنَفْسِهِ The Prophet (may Allah’s Peace and Blessings be upon him) said, “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” (narrated by both Sahih Al Bukhari and Muslim).

11. In Islam…… Not much emphasis on hereditary intelligence (IQ) but focus on emotional intelligence (EQ) An acquired skills which could be learnt and practiced by everyone A true measure of success in practical life.

13. Time zones of Emotional Intelligence

14. Five Domains and Components of EI

15. The Five Domains of EI

16. The Components of EI Psychology • Emotional energy • Decision Making • Ideas • Intellect

17. Understanding Boundary

18. The more I know myself, the stronger will be my boundary. My Boundary Emotions Ideas Intellect Decision Making Understanding the importance of knowing my boundary

19. Door Window • Emotions • Ideas • Intellect • Decision Making How my Boundary works • We open for people we are comfortable with. • Its our choice…….. We own it……. قربانی

20. Door Blurred Window Holes • Emotions • Ideas • Intellect • Decision Making Emotional drain • We suffer… feel exhausted…. Have guilt • Revenge: Taking past into present

21. What leads to identity crisis?

22. Environment 0% Control Ownership or Full Responsibility My Boundary 100 % My Control My Territory My Responsibility My Resources Understanding Boundary and Control

23. Independence Person A Person B One way Interdependence Two way Co-Dependence Joint Relationship Understanding Dependence in Relationships

24. Independence Emotions Ideas Decisions Emotions Ideas Decisions One way Interdependence Two way Short Term Intimacy Or Long term Co-Dependence Unhealthy Healthy Emotions Ideas Decisions Double Big Boundary Commitment Understanding Mutual Boundaries

25. ? Dominating Effects of being Dominated?

26. Dominating Effects of being Dominated!

27. Environment Me (Self) Emotional Energy Intellectual Data Use Decision Making Observing EGO ‘Me’ Watching Me Self Resource Bank ‘Me’ Watching ‘Me’

28. Ways our emotions are triggered.. Refractory State

29. Growth Destructive Constructive Im-Mature Mature Negative Momentum Positive Momentum Decision Regression/ Mental Illness / Death Understanding Growth

30. Emotional Intelligence Your attitude is the primary measure of emotional intelligence

31. Managing Emotions The emotionally intelligent person can take charge of his or her emotions. Emotions ebb and flow naturally unless you sustain them with your thoughts. Managing how you think or talk about your feelings can extend or reduce the intensity of the emotion.

32. Emotional intelligence requires you to take 100% responsibility for the outcome of all your relationships.

33. Emotional Management

34. How to solve an emotional problem? Decision Making

35. How to Solve an Emotional Problem? 1 4 3 2 Focus on Decision Making Break the Problem Anger Let Go

36. 1 Break The Problem Into Two Parts:Stress Failure

37. Me Overwhelmed What happens with a Loose Boundary?

38. I see the limit of what I Own, Control and am responsible for! ? This belongs to me too! It shouldn’t be this way! I should get what I want Me Stressed! Why is it not going the way I want? The way it SHOULD go? Denial – Not Seeing the Limits of our Control

39. 2 Do Not Suffer…Learning to Let go!

40. Close the door when people do destructive things Close the Door on Stress • Me Happily connecting with a friend • Person connecting constructively Open the door when people do constructive things • We open for people we are comfortable with. • Its our choice…….. We own it……. قربانی

41. 3 Focus on Decision MakingConstructiveDestructive

42. Destructive Decision (Child Like) Constructive Decision (Adult Like) Free Will (Decisions) Im-Mature Mature

43. New Increase in Boundary Size Decision Intellect/Ideas X Goal • Old Boundary Understanding Boundary Expansion

44. Goal Essential Ingredients to Reach your Goals

45. 4 Anger vs. Anxiety

46. Options for Anger • Depression

47. Anger Management • Anger Builds on Anger • Anger is never without a reason, but seldom a good one (Benjamin Franklin) • Rage rush vs. Anger soothed by merciful thought

48. Importance of Forgiving others… Those who spend [in His way] in time of plenty and in time of hardship, and hold in check their anger, and pardon their fellow-men because God loves the doers of good; (3-134)

49. The ‘Cycle of Violence’ that bring Negative Momentum to your life

50. Challenge the thoughts that trigger anger – The earlier the better And if you take your turn, then retaliate with the like of that with which you were afflicted; but if you are patient, it will certainly be best for those who are patient. (16-126)