Building Blissful Family Bonds: Embracing Change and Love

1. CARE Group Sept 2013

2. Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam With a baby in your future, everyone seems to state the obvious: “Life as you know it will never be the same.” Of course, the ominous inference of this refrain is that change is not always good. Ezzo and Bucknam, On Becoming Babywise, p. 19

3. Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam But shouldn’t family life be your joy – abounding in sweet memories and untainted by fear or regret? Why wouldn’t you expect bliss from your sweet little blessing? Ezzo and Bucknam, On Becoming Babywise, p. 19

4. My Family

5. Ephesians 5 21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.

6. Ephesians 5 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

7. Ephesians 5 25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.

8. Ephesians 5 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.

9. Ephesians 5 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.

10. Ephesians 5 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.

11. Ephesians 5 31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.

12. Ephesians 5 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

13. Ephesians 5 Leadership = always servant leaders Opposites: Control Passivity

14. Ephesians 5 Submission = respect Opposites: Doormat Nagging critic

15. Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam We are committed to the belief that if you really love your child, you will give him the gift of love, security, and a sense of belonging – give him the assurance that as a husband and wife, you really love each other. Ezzo and Bucknam, On Becoming Babywise, p. 20

16. Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam The husband-wife union is not just a good first step towards child-rearing. It is a necessary one. Too often, parents lose sight of this fact, getting lost in a parenting wonderland of photos, footsteps, and first words. Ezzo and Bucknam, On Becoming Babywise, p. 20

17. Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam Baby becomes central to their existence. Yet the greatest overall influence you will have on your children will not come in your role as an individual parent, but in your joint role as husband and wife. Ezzo and Bucknam, On Becoming Babywise, p. 20

18. Areas that Need Provision Emotional stress Time Stress Physical Exhaustion Vacations Regular time with God More disciplined schedule Lower expectations, get some exercise

19. The Onion NAGS HEAD, NC—Continuously doing laundry, cooking, or vacuuming in her family’s rented beach cottage this week, http://www.theonion.com/articles/mom-spends-beach-vacation-assuming-all-household-d,33431/

20. The Onion area mom Catherine Yardley has spent a much-needed vacation performing all her usual household chores while in closer proximity to the ocean, sources confirmed. http://www.theonion.com/articles/mom-spends-beach-vacation-assuming-all-household-d,33431/

21. The Onion “Isn’t it nice to just get away for a while and relax by the water?” Yardley said as she wiped down the kitchen counter and then took out the garbage, tasks she would normally perform at a distance of 200 miles from the beach instead of 50 feet. http://www.theonion.com/articles/mom-spends-beach-vacation-assuming-all-household-d,33431/

22. The Onion “I just love that I can be scrubbing the bathroom, look out the window, and see the tide coming in. We should do this every year!” http://www.theonion.com/articles/mom-spends-beach-vacation-assuming-all-household-d,33431/

23. The Onion At press time, Yardley was reportedly busy preparing a meal identical to what she would have made back home, except that she planned to serve it on paper plates. http://www.theonion.com/articles/mom-spends-beach-vacation-assuming-all-household-d,33431/

24. Areas that Need Provision Emotional stress Time Stress Physical Exhaustion Vacations Sex Regular time with God More disciplined schedule Lower expectations, get some exercise Have a tentative plan, enjoy it for what it is now Try to say Yes (1Cor 7)

25. Marriage Killers Disrespect

26. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs I often hear many wives complain that their husbands are too disconnected and passive on family matters. But why is he passive? Quite likely in the past, every time he tried to step up to the plate, she had a better idea. Eggerichs , Love and Respect, p. 222

27. Marriage Killers Disrespect Bitterness The tongue

28. Leslie Vernick Understand that when you treat your spouse sinfully, especially in front of your children, you teach them how to behave toward others when they feel angry or upset… Leslie Vernick, How to Act Right, p. 20-21

29. Leslie Vernick Children are not stupid. They can see for themselves the shortcomings or sins of their parents. They don’t need us to identify them. Leslie Vernick, How to Act Right, p. 20-21

30. Marriage Killers Disrespect Bitterness The tongue Unreasonable expectations

31. Susan Yates Ultimately we must realize that our mates can never meet all of our emotional needs. Too often wives place unrealistic expectations upon their husbands to meet needs that God alone or others can meet. Yates, And Then I Had Kids, p. 80

32. Susan Yates It is unfair to put the burden of our emotional well-being on our husbands alone. We must look to God first for approval, for understanding, and for empathy. Yates, And Then I Had Kids, p. 80

33. Marriage Killers Disrespect Bitterness The tongue Unreasonable expectations Judging motives

34. Leslie Vernick It is crucial...that we begin to understand that our feelings are caused not by our spouse’s behavior, but by the way we interpret his or her behavior. Leslie Vernick, How to Act Right, p. 38, 41

35. Leslie Vernick Research has shown that one of the greatest threats to a marriage occurs when spouses regularly interpret each other’s behaviors negatively… Begin to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Leslie Vernick, How to Act Right, p. 38, 41

36. Marriage Killers Disrespect Bitterness The tongue Unreasonable expectations Judging motives Projecting current feelings into the future

37. Practical Steps Gratitude Time with the Lord Choose to serve Time together As a couple

38. Susan Yates It is vital to our families that we make our relationships with our mates our priority after our relationships with God. We have our mates living with us for a lifetime, whereas we have our children living with us for approximately eighteen years… Yates, And Then I Had Kids, p. 60

39. Susan Yates A good relationship between parents doesn’t just happen. It takes work. More marriages die slowly from neglect than from great crises. Yates, And Then I Had Kids, p. 60

40. Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam You may think, “But we don’t argue or slack in our love for each other.” Be warned, insecurity is fostered by what is not taking place between couples as much as what is taking place. Ezzo and Bucknam, On Becoming Babywise, p. 21

41. Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam The goal of parenting is not simply to avoid excessive anxiety, but to create a world of confidence by what we do with each other as much as by what we avoid doing. Ezzo and Bucknam, On Becoming Babywise, p. 21

42. Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam Where the marriage is intact, keeping this relationship a priority is your starting point for successful parenting… To improve the quality of the parent-child relationship, parents must continue to evaluate the quality of their relationship with each other. Ezzo and Bucknam, On Becoming Babywise, p. 21

43. Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam Would it stand alone without baby? Weak marriages do not build strong families nor do they infuse security into the hearts of children. Ezzo and Bucknam, On Becoming Babywise, p. 21

44. Practical Steps Gratitude Time with the Lord Choose to serve Time together As a couple As a family

45. Practical Steps Encourage each other Get help with conflicts Apologize Reduce screen time Fellowship

46. Conclusion Raising Great Kids Strong Marriage Relationship with God

47. Married With Children • Questions? • Comments? • Experiences? • chris.risley@gmail.com