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Courageous conversations

Courageous conversations. Helpful resources. Objective. To explore the way in which we speak to one another and learn how to have courageous conversations. Starting with Scripture. God created us in his own image - made for relationship/attachment. What is the reality?.

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Courageous conversations

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  1. Courageous conversations

  2. Helpful resources

  3. Objective • To explore the way in which we speak to one another and learn how to have courageous conversations

  4. Starting with Scripture • God created us in his own image - made for relationship/attachment

  5. What is the reality? • We see poor attachments with: • Relationship breakdown • Family dysfunction • Church and business disruption • Relational challenges

  6. The Demon Dialogues • Find the bad guy • The Protest Polka • The GOOD NEWS - you can change things

  7. Benefits of courageous conversations • Preserving love • Resolving alienation • Empowering • Solving problems • Building growth • Clarifiying reality

  8. 1. Get yourself ready • Why you need to be ready • Get the log/plank out of your own eye • Own your own failure and stop playing the victim • Own your own motives • Own your own fears • Own the other person’s complaints about you • Own your own distortion of who the other person is

  9. Deal with your emotions and healing somewhere else • Get plugged in • Script what you want to say • Practice/role play • Get expectations into proper perspective

  10. 2 Be emotionally present • Be warm • Be in a conversation and not in a lecture • Connect even with the differences • Observe yourself

  11. 3. Be clear about ‘you‘ and ‘I’ • Look at it empathetically • Be clear in your own mind • Speak from your need and not his/hers • Be humble

  12. 4. Clarify the problem • Clarify the nature of the problem • Clarify the effects of the problem • Clarify your desire for change

  13. 5. Balance grace and truth • Keep in mind that the other person needs both just as you do • Lead with grace • Keep both elements present at the same time • Be aware of your imbalances • When in doubt go with grace

  14. 6. Apologise for you part in the problem

  15. 7. Use the formula , when you do x I feel y • Concentrate on feelings • Identify your feelings • Stick to you experience

  16. 8. Apologise for you part in the problem

  17. 9. Avoid ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’

  18. 10. Be specific, specific, specific • Sometimes make notes - the importance of documentation • Be careful with language

  19. Work sheet • Identify a situation that you need to address • Why is this a challenge for you? • Preparation • What is your position? • How can you illustrate your thinking, how will you test your view? • What might their reaction be?

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