Emotional intelligence and communication competence

1. Emotional intelligence and communication competence Haaga-Helia International Staff Week 26. April 2018 Mirka Sunimento

2. Agenda 26 April 10.00-10.30 and 11.30-11.45 break Topics include.. Listening and dialogue Feedback Conflicts Non-verbal communication Communicating for Impact – if time allows

3. Emotional intelligence • accurate self-awareness • self-confidence • ability to welcome constructive criticism • self-control • adaptability • achievement-oriented behavior and communication Self-Awareness Self-Mgmt • ability to inspire • people and mobilize a shared mission • ability to influence • and engage • teamwork, collaboration, • conflict management Social Awareness • ability to sense • emotions in groups • ability to foster • an open • communication • environment Relationship Mgmt AdaptedfromShriberg & Shriberg, 2011

4. Homework 1 – EI Test https://globalleadershipfoundation.com/geit/eitest.html What do the results tell you? Where there indicative? If not, why?

5. Homework 2 - analyzing interpersonal relationships by observing Share your notes /experiences with a partner or group • From your combined notes, make a list of all the things you were able to tell just by observing • Write down with a few notes a small ”observation” guide – a list of things to look for in interactions • What did you learn? Was it useful? • Be prepared to present to class

7. Listening and feedback Adapted primarily from the following sources Trenton, S & Jensen, A. 2013. Interpersonal Communication. Oxford University press Inc. Lohtaja-Ahonen, S & R. 2011.Palaute kuuluukaikille

8. Communication Competence CULTURAL CONTEXT Process Competence – knowledge about communication Interpretive competence – knowing how to interpret what goes on around you Goal competence – knowing how to achieve communication goals Role competence – knowing how to meet or violate social expectations Self competence – knowing who you are and how to present yourself to others SITUATIONAL CONTEXT RELATIONAL CONTEXT Message competence – knowing how to send and receive message effectively Listening Competence Processing Messages effectively Verbal Competence Using language effectively Non-verbal Competence Using non-verbal codes effectively Performative Competence – ability to enact communication HISTORICAL CONTEXT- CHANGE OVER TIME Source: Trenton, S & Jensen, A. 2013. Interpersonal Communication. Oxford University press Inc

9. Listening competence

10. Hearing vs cognitive process of listening

11. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2z9mdX1j4A

12. Why is listening so important? • To the one who is listening? • To the one who is talking?

13. Listening Process has 4 steps

14. Levels of Listening • Doesn’t listen • Pretends to listen • Listens to interrupt • Listens selfishly (with own agenda) • Active listening

15. Characteristics of active listening • Receptive – message is considered important • Focused -listener is present mentally and physically • Respectful • Patient

16. Listening in the new message ecosystem  • All 4 steps still apply • Interruptions are more common • Conversations are asynchronous • Technology is a context that affects listening / ”medium is still the message”

17. Types of listening (situational, context driven) 1. Discriminatory listening: Recognizing and distinguishing message elements, making sense of strange noise, trying to determine whether someone said Tuesday or Thursday etc 2. Appreciative listening: Listening to music, seeing a play 3. Comprehensive listening: Receiving and remembering new information 4. Evaluative listening: Listening to make judgments and decisions 5. Empathetic listening: Listening to understand / support others 6. Problem focused listening: listening to understand and diagnose problems in relationships

18. Listening styles(personality and attitude driven) See which one of the statements below best describes your listening style and memorize the number • When listening, do you focus on other people’s feeling and see listening as an opportunity to forge interpersonal bonds? • Do you like gathering data and enjoy listening to complex technical information? • Do you get impatient with disorganized speakers and mentally jump ahead to finish their thoughts? • Are you concerned about keeping on schedule and do you interrupt others when you need to move on??

19. Listening styles(personality and attitude driven) • People-oriented listening: building relationships. Relaxed, high degree on interaction, attentive and perceptive • Content-oriented listening: learning new facts and gathering information. Patient, lower level of involvement • Action-oriented listening: listening for a specific reason. Precise, impatient, prompt easily, lack empathy • Time-oriented listening: dislike conversations. Concerned about the schedule, interruptive

20. Class assignment Adjusting your listening style

21. Instructions for class assignment • Class will be divided into 3 groups • Each group will be given one listening style to adapt and take into use • Listen to Mirka’s story with the assignment listening style and write questions about the story accordingly • People-oriented listening: building relationships. Relaxed, high degree on interaction, attentive and perceptive • Content-oriented listening (or analytical listening): learning and gathering information. Impatient, lower level of involvement, enjoy analyzing complex information • Action-oriented (or fact-listening) listening: listening for a specific reason. Precise, details rather big picture, impatient, prompt easily, lack empathy

22. Quality listening

23. Elements of quality listening • Shut down your ”internal monologue”– concentrate on the speaker • Get focused, be present mentally and physically • Find the main point(s) in the message • Respond so that speaker knows that you’re listening (nodding, smiling, confirming, paraphrasing) • Take responsibility – ask for clarification if needed • Encourage the other person to express his/her thoughts (nodding, smiling, confirming, paraphrasing) • Modify your listening type (content-based, analytical, emphatic)

24. How to become a more competent listener? • Improve comprehension: recognize main ideas and explicit relationships, recall basic ideas and details • Improve critical evaluation: attend with an open mind, perceive speakers purpose, distinguish between emotional and logical arguments, detect bias and prejudice, recognize discrepancies between verbal and non-verbal cues • Enhance empathetic listening (most important one for building relationships):Respect other peoples’ views, make sure to understand what has been said, check by paraphrasing by expressing both content and relational meaning

25. Dialogue

26. What is it?

27. Dialogic communciation skills include • Taking responsibility for own role in interactions • Clear and structured way of communicating vastuu omasta osallisuudesta vuorovaikutuksessa • Honesty and openness • Ability to take into account others’ viewpoints • Waiting for own turn • Giving ”room” for others • Linking ow comments’ to those of others • Reflecting on and develping others’ thoughts

28. feedback

29. Definitions of feedback? • Vague and ambiguous term - shared understanding for feedback is needed • Pitfall: feedback = critique • Feedback is received reaction to an act or behavior • Feedback is communication – information on how well I perform

30. http://insights.ccl.org/multimedia/video/10-common-mistakes-in-giving-feedback/http://insights.ccl.org/multimedia/video/10-common-mistakes-in-giving-feedback/

31. Ratio • Positive feedback vs negative feedback ratio should be 5/1 • “We succeed more often than we fail” • Constructive or negative feedback?

32. Giving feedback has two sides PERCEPTION: As neutral as possible EFFECT Feelings, thoughts or effects that follow the perception … ”because of your punctuality we were able to stick to the strict schedule.” …”Now us participating the fair for the first time know what to do and when” ”Thank you for bringing me coffee and fruit when we had agreed...” ”You have kept us very well informed regarding the fair arrangements”

33. Incorrect or misleading feedback • Giving advice or instructions when the other party does not need them • Disguised corrective feedback (being false) • Based on assumptions (instead of observations) • Generalization, over- or misinterpretation • Assessing personality • Vague and unspecified feedback (”I liked your memo”) • Asking questions instead of giving feedback • Incorrect feedback, sarcasm • Pigeonholing feedback as either positive or negative from the start

34. Worth reading – Gender gap on feedback and self -perception https://hbr.org/2016/08/the-gender-gap-in-feedback-and-self-perception

35. Interpersonal skills and personality Class Assignment

36. Knowing me, knowing you… • Pick 3 ”cards” without looking at them • Start swapping cards with people close to you – trying to find a perfect ”hand” that describes your personality! • When you have found it, take a picture and post your name and image of cards to https://padlet.com/mirka_sunimento/3sb9x2vlx96s

38. Conflicts Sources: Isokorpi, T. 2006. Napit vastakkain. Ristiriidat, rajat, ratkaisut. PS-Kustannus Perkka-Jortikka, K. 2008. Hankalan ihmisen kohtaaminen. Edita prima Räisönen, K & Roth, K. 2012. Hankalat tyypit työelämässä. Työterveyslaitos.

39. Conflict • At work and elsewhere- everyone encounters conflict situations •  Typically they results from difference of opinions  or interests • Conflict means interdependence •  Difficult people and situations  require  • Conflict  management • Negotiation skills • Listening skills All are critical  element of communication competence

40. Conflicts can also be healthy • Well-managed conflict often increases cohesion • Signals a need for change • Allows problem diagnosis

41. Discussion • Give examples of healthy conflicts: why are they healthy, what were the outcomes?

42. But they are hard to manage • Hot emotions • Hot system located in amygdala: emotional, fast and reflexive • Cool system in prefrontal cortex: rational, complex, slow and neutral • Biased perceptions ”when seeing is not believing”

44. Discussion • Look at the table and discuss it’s content. Explain the statements

45. How to avoid unnecessary conflicts • Time Off • Reflection • Paraphrasing • Self-awareness • Listening and other areas of communications competence

46. Defense mechanisms Sources: Isokorpi, T. 2006. Napit vPerkka-Jortikka, K. 2008. Hankalan ihmisen kohtaaminen. Edita prima Räisönen, K & Roth, K. 2012. Hankalat tyypit työelämässä. Työterveyslaitos. Napit vastakkain. Ristiriidat, rajat, ratkaisut. PS-Kustannus

47. Defense mechanisms • Are needed as they protect our self image • If overused or unconscious may cause problems in interpersonal communication • Are part of self awareness and need to be recognized Often take place in conflict situations

48. Defense mechanisms • Aggression / Attack • Withdrawal • Denial / Numbness

49. Aggression / attack • Is angry • Makes accusations • Is inpatient • Makes threats • Argues • Is dismissive • Looks for mistakes • Manipulates

50. Withdrawal / not openly expressing feelings of anger/disagreement • Keeps silent • Finds excuses • Forgets • Dodges • Is late • Talks at rather than to others • Not present mentally or physically