Journey Class – May 2011 – 9:15am

1. Journey Class – May 2011 – 9:15am Week 1: Balance- What is the state of your marriage? Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married Week 3: Strength- Increasing the bond and connection with each other- Keys to making a marriage last Week 4: Stretching- Growing (up) together- God in the middle of me- God in the middle of my marriage Week 5: Review- Talking about it – again- and talking again… and, then some

2. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married Fighting: How do you handle conflict?

3. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married Fighting: How do you handle conflict?

4. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married Fighting: How do you handle conflict?

5. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married Fighting: How do you handle conflict?

6. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married Fighting: How do you handle conflict?

7. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married Fighting: How do you handle conflict?

8. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married I. Why Do We Fight? The Only Way to Intimacy is Through Conflict

9. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married • I. Why Do We Fight? POINT: We ain’tfightin’ about what we’re fightin’ about

10. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married The Bible & Anger • Anger is not sin (the nature of emotions) • Jesus got angry • Anger can turn to sin (James 1:20, 1 Corinthians 10:31, Ephesians 4:26-27) • The nature of feelings

11. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married II. Fighting: Types of Responses… Which One Are You? The Competitive Spouse or Partner The Conflict Avoiding Partner The Accommodator in Marriage The Compromiser as a Partner The Marriage Collaborator

12. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married III. Fighting: Working It Out Better What Matters the Most to You in a Conflict? Do you want to hurt, injure or put down your partner? Do you want to win over this person? Do you want to establish who is right & who is wrong? Do you want to make this person feel guilty? Do you want to unload bad feelings from the past on this person?

13. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married III. Fighting: Working It Out Better (High concern for relationship) Yield Resolve Compromise Withdraw Win (Low concern for relationship) What Matters the Most to You in a Conflict?

14. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married III. Fighting: Working It Out Better What Do You Think of this Statement? “Seek first to understand, then to be understood”

15. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married IV. Playing By The Rules Signs of Predicting Divorce (or, Do’s & Don’ts”) • First Sign: The Harsh Startup (Proverbs 15:1) • Second Sign: "The Four Horsemen“Criticism • Contempt • Defensiveness • Stonewalling • Third Sign: Flooding • Fourth Sign: Body Language • Fifth Sign: Failed Repair Attempts • Sixth Sign: Bad Memories • Point: How you fight determines your success in marriage

16. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married IV. Playing By The Rules Fighting Rules No Yelling, Intimidating Behaviors or Name-Calling Take a Time-Out When Things Get Heated Talk About One Issue at a Time Be Accountable Fight Fair

17. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married V. Relating Better and Fighting Less The Bible & Communication- Eph.4 1: Be Honest & Speak 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. 25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 2: Stay Current 26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.

18. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married V. Relating Better and Fighting Less The Bible & Communication- Eph.4 3: Attack the Problem, Not the Person 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 4: Act, Not React 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

19. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married V. Relating Better and Fighting Less Fighting Better Means Creating Effective Communication Patterns • CALM DOWN • SPEAK NON-DEFENSIVELY • VALIDATION • OVERLEARNING

20. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married Recognize anger &process with partner • What are some of the “hot buttons” for you? • What are some issues that start a fight for you? A small one? A big one? • What are some unacceptable ways you express anger?

21. Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married Recognize anger &process with partner • How can you express anger appropriately? • How can the non-angry partner help the other re-establish contact? • Can you make your own rules around anger management?