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Revision Day 2

Revision Day 2. Vivid Language and Organization. Active Verbs. Why active verbs? create striking and lasting impressions appeal to the senses . What verb would describe the baby’s movement more vividly than “walk”?. Make the verbs in the following sentences better.

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Revision Day 2

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  1. Revision Day 2 Vivid Language and Organization

  2. Active Verbs • Why active verbs? • create striking and lasting impressions • appeal to the senses What verb would describe the baby’s movement more vividly than “walk”?

  3. Make the verbs in the following sentences better. • As the students walked through the park, the breeze blew the leaves on the trees. • The harder James worked, the more he disliked his job and the customers he served. • Janet laughed at the professor’s Freudian slip. • The college student saw the traffic accident that occurred on Highway 40.

  4. Revision • Choose at least three common verbs from your essay. • Replace these verbs with more vivid, active verbs.

  5. Precise Language • Remember those “tired” words we talked about earlier in the semester? • Read your essay and mark any of these words that appear. In your revision, make these words more precise. Good Nice Pretty Beautiful Fine A lot Bad Thing Really Very Terrible Wonderful

  6. Figurative Language • Make sure that your figurative language • makes sense • EX: He was as soft as a cloud coming out of the dryer. • is original and interesting • EX: His hands were as cold as ice. • communicates your dominant impression

  7. Revision • Find three comparison details in your writing (or places where these details would fit) • Revise these details (or create them) to enhance the description in your essay.

  8. Sensory Details • Mark and count the sensory details you use in your paper other than sight. • If you are lacking senses, add them in for revision.

  9. Organization: Transitions • Ideas should flow smoothly to allow readers to progress through the piece with ease. • Transitions link details and make the writing cohesive • Within paragraphs • Between paragraphs

  10. Where does this paragraph need transitions? Most films are structured much like a short story. The film begins with an opening scene that captures the audience’s attention. The writers build up tension, preparing for the climax of the story. They complicate the situation by revealing other elements of the plot, perhaps by introducing a surprise or additional characters. They introduce a problem. It will be solved either for the betterment or to the detriment of the characters and the situation. A resolution brings the film to a close.

  11. With Transitions Most films are structured much like a short story. The film begins with an opening scene that captures the audience’s attention. Gradually, the writers build up tension, preparing for the climax of the story. Soon after the first scene, they complicate the situation by revealing other elements of the plot, perhaps by introducing a surprise or additional characters. Next, they introduce a problem. Eventually, the problem will be solved either for the betterment or to the detriment of the characters and the situation. Finally, a resolution brings the film to a close.

  12. Revision • Read your essay aloud to yourself or with a peer. • Mark an X on your draft in places where your essay could use a transition. • Use the guide on page 60 in your textbook to help you incorporate transitions into your draft.

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