A basic overview of Japanese Etiquette

1. A basic overview of Japanese Etiquette Amanda Burden (Yamanashi 2003-2006)

2. Language • Do you need to speak Japanese? • Yes: • to establish rapport            • to show initiative • to become part of the team            • to demonstrate interest in the country • to earn the respect of your peers for studying such a difficult language

3. Language ctn’d • Not necessarily… • It’s all about HOW you say it • Actions speak louder than words! • Basic useful phrases • Sumimasen • Domo arigatou gozaimasu • Dozo yoroshiku onegaishimasu

4. Overview • Consider your role • Are you a guest? • Are you a “foreigner”? • Consider the environment • Formal / business / casual

5. Situations • Meeting people • Guest • Dining • Maintaining relationships

6. Meeting people • Supervisor • Kocho / Kyoto sensei • Other teachers • People in the community

7. Greeting! • Hajimemashite • To shake or bow? • Either is fine: YOU initiate • ~ desu. • Say your name slowly • If you have a business card, get it ready • O sewa ni natte orimasu • This means “Thank you for taking care of me!” • ONLY to people who are helping you • Dozo yoroshiku onegaishimasu • This means: “I I hope to start a good relationship”

8. Business cards • Your supervisor • Get a meishi case • Your kocho / kyoto sensei • If you receive it at a table, leave it face up in front of you and after the meeting, store it • Other teachers • Probably won’t give you business cards • People in the community • Treat them like kocho / kyoto sensei

9. Omiyage • To your supervisor • Tsumaranai mono desu ga… • To kocho / kyoto sensei • To other teachers • To people in the community • Neighbors • New friends

10. PRACTICE! • Amanda sensei, supervisor • Amanda sensei, kocho / kyoto sensei • Amanda sensei, home economics teacher • Amanda san, elderly neighbor downstairs

11. As a guest • Be on time!!! • When entering a home… • O jama shimasu – I’m invading your space • Take off your shoes in the genkan (foyer) • If you’re offered slippers, remove them and leave them outside if entering a tatami room • If you brought omiyage (which you did!), present it to the host / hostess • Spirits in the States, flowers in France, junk food in Japan (sweets, dessert or snacks!) • Giri / Ki o tsukau • Japanese hosts will go OUT OF THEIR WAY to be gracious, so don’t push it with special requests. • Ex: What would you like to drink? • Japanese people will ask what your friend / host is drinking and have the same so as not to inconvenience them • Don’t worry about that, but don’t make special requests to come off as a high maintenance guest • The onus is on THEM to offer, and YOU to refuse… • For dietary restrictions… • Let the host know as far in advance • If there are food items you can’t eat, express deep regret and use the “STOP” gesture • Spending the night • You’ll be offered the bath – scrub yourself down and do you washing with soap outside of the bathtub using the pail OR shower • Don’t drain the water, because it’ll be reused. If you’re squeamish, you can skip the bath part. • Consider the circumstances under which you were invited…*

12. As a guest ctn’d • Sitting • Under kotatsu • If your legs are too long, beware kicking someone • Cross legged is best • Not under kotatsu • It’s rude to cross legs for ladies • Seiza alternatives: legs to the side (ladies), cross legged (men) • Position • Least important person sits near the door – NOT you

13. Dining • Chopsticks • Don’t play with them, use them to gesture, spear anything, etc. • Family-style food • If you go to a restaurant, expect to share* • Don’t “help yourself” – the host will serve you • Don’t hover your chopsticks over a dish • Pouring drinks • Pour drink for your neighbor • If at an enkai, wait for the toast to imbibe! • If you need more of a beverage, offer your neighbor some and they’ll do the same • Rice • Rice is the staple of the meal; all items prepared are meant as complements • It’s slightly sticky to enable you to grab large clumps, so don’t mix it up or add soy sauce • You may pick up the chawan (bowl) to eat it • Itadakimasu • Wait after the host is seated to eat • If you want more of something, you can comment on how delicious it was if you’re shy to reach for more!

14. Dining ctn’d • Table Manners • Eating Noodles • Slurping is fine, but it’s not sucking, it’s inhaling • Not necessary for spaghetti, though some do it • The aftermath • You don’t have to clean your plate • Not always necessary to stack plates that are finished • Keep your area clean • Paying… • If you’re invited by senpai, they *may* treat you • Refuse until they seem offended • Thank them profusely! • Gochisou samadeshita • A little thank you note with a “one-point English” joke or something is a thoughtful gesture • Going Dutch is a bit different • The designated host usually divvies up the check • Men usually pay more than women • Vegetarians / non-drinkers, beware… • If you need the waiter / waitress • Sumimasen • Onegaishimasu

15. PRACTICE! • At a new friend’s home • At a restaurant • At an enkai

16. Miscellaneous tips: Don’ts • Be late or cancel • If you are late, it’s important to apologize; the greater the inconvenience, the more ways you should demonstrate your regret • If you *must* cancel, deeply apologize and suggest an alternative date or solution • You will not receive invitations again if you continue to dottu kyanseru • Attend to personal grooming in public • Blow your nose in private • Mints are better than chewing gum – you can bring a toothbrush around if you need • Do your makeup in the bathroom • Some Western body language • Yawning is BAD, period (kara genki) • Fidgeting / shaking legs comes off as childish • Be a rude communicator… • Don’t ask why! • Communication in Japan is like bowling, not tennis • Complaining or commenting about how something is weird in Japan may be taken personally • Be sarcastic

17. Miscellaneous tips: Don’ts ctn’d • WARPS • Automatically feel that you have to take it! • If *you* feel offended by… • A personal question, just smile and say, Chotto hazukashii desu… • A comment, just make a tight smile and try to move the conversation away from it • A gesture (sexual harassment), you don’t have to tolerate it and can be firm in cutting off that behavior

18. Miscellaneous tips: Do’s • Appearances count! • Keep your hair and clothing tidy and in good condition • Get anti-mildew stuff for your closet • Get a fan to blow air through your closet for drying clothing • The amount of care you put into your appearance reflects how much care you will put into the relationship • Keep your apartment clean and in good shape for your sanity and to increase your social options • Open body language – crossed arms vs. folded hands • Thank people graciously! • Ask questions politely • People love to share information about themselves and their culture • Who, what, when, where, how are fine… • Be comfortable with silence • Bring a stash of Western goodies just in case • Wrapped non-chocolate mints or hard candy lasts at least a month • Pencils, pins, postcards, blank CDs to make mixes…

19. Miscellaneous tips: Do’s ctn’d • Earnestness goes a long way • Actions speak louder than words • SMILE

20. Resources • Google “Japanese Etiquette” • Big eyes and ears • Books by Donald Richie (Temple University professor) • Hokkaido Highway Blues: Hitchhiking Japan by Will Ferguson