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Feedback on Paper One

Feedback on Paper One. HMXP 102 Dr. Fike. The Nature of this Slide Show. I prepared this presentation in response to students’ first paper a few years ago. If anything in it contradicts the calendar, follow the calendar. Focus. A narrow illustration from your personal experience.

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Feedback on Paper One

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  1. Feedback on Paper One HMXP 102 Dr. Fike

  2. The Nature of this Slide Show • I prepared this presentation in response to students’ first paper a few years ago. If anything in it contradicts the calendar, follow the calendar.

  3. Focus • A narrow illustration from your personal experience. • For example, your encounter with ONE dogma from your church. • NOT your whole autobiography. • NOT the existence of God plus evolution vs. creationism.

  4. For Those Who Wrote about Religion/God/Creation • Example of circular reasoning: “God must have created the earth because the Bible says so, and we know that the Bible is true because God wrote it!” • http://web.cn.edu/kwheeler/fallacies_list.html

  5. Example of a Good Focus • “Well, when I got home my dad spanked me so hard that I could not sit down for a couple of days. I like to refer to this time period as my awakening period.” • This is a beautifully focused topic: corporal punishment as a catalyst for personal revelation. • Unfortunately, the illustration comes in the middle of the author’s autobiography and does not get developed.

  6. The Moral Re. Focus • Do this: Say more about less. • Do NOT do this: Say less about more.

  7. Thesis • Common problem: You wrote a sentence that included “Although,” “I will argue that,” and “because”; but your sentence had merely the structure, not the substance, of a proper thesis. • Despite having those key words, your thesis set you up to summarize events in your life: it set you up to tell your story, not to argue for a position.

  8. Example of a Good Thesis (Based on One of Yours) • Although I may have inherited a masculine predisposition to appreciate athletics, I will argue that my love of sports—contrary to Plato’s doctrine of anamnesis—illustrates the idea that knowledge is obtained rather than residing in the soul from birth: I learned to love sports because of the influence of my dad and my brother. • It contains: • A controversial idea in the main clause: “I will argue that…” • Family influence vs. inherited predisposition: argument vs. objection. • The author must then use these elements to structure the paper.

  9. Example of a Bad Thesis (Based on One of Yours) • Although my decision to major in business was very hard for me, I will argue that coming to Winthrop University enabled me to become a better student because of the multitude of experiences I have had. • Problems: • It is not sufficiently narrowly focused. • It is a 5-paragraph essay in disguise because it sets up a narrative loosely centered on three things: • choosing a major • becoming a better student • having various experiences. • Having various experiences and majoring in business do not properly correspond to argument and objection.

  10. Thesis for Cave Dweller Papers • You needed to take a stand either for or against the view that something made you a cave dweller. • Made-up example: • Although it is possible that I have exchanged one shadow for another, I will argue that my decision to join a sorority brought me a ways out of the cave and into the light because interacting with my sisters has enabled me to see myself as the social being I truly am. • Main assertion: a controversial idea • Argument (social being) vs. objection (no, just another shadow)

  11. Objections and Replies • Missing in over 90% of the papers. • Inadequate wherever they were present. • Remember: The assignment is to write a classical argument. Include opposition. • Objections and replies did not have to be perfect, but they did have to be present. • Remember the first three questions in the course description on the syllabus: • What do I believe? • Why do I believe it? • What if I am wrong? • If you are just trotting out your old assumptions, you are not doing the work of the course, which is to inquire—via argumentation—into rationally justifiable reasons for believing that your position/thesis is true.

  12. Other Matters • Take a paragraph after the introduction to discuss Plato: explain what cave dwelling MEANS. • This is a matter of audience: Make sure that your audience understands “cave dweller” in the way you do. • In your conclusion, ask yourself, “What have I learned about myself from writing this paper.” Take a step back and REFLECT.

  13. “Forbidden” • http://faculty.winthrop.edu/fikem/Courses/CRTW%20201/CRTW%20201%20Forbidden.htm

  14. Works Cited List • Next Time: “MLA Format Slide Show”

  15. Revision (Summer Only) • Your next paper is due a week from today. • I advise you not to revise yet. • Whenever you DO want to revise, you must have a conference with me: • Bring your original graded draft with my comment sheet AND a photocopy of these documents. • Have things to say, questions to ask, solutions to propose, etc. Be able to engage me in a dialogue about how to revise your paper. • A revision must be substantively better than the original draft—not just superficially corrected but significantly rethought, recast, augmented, improved, etc.

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