The Sodekso Poop Chronicle

1. The Sodekso Poop Chronicle Two Hawk Meals “NEWS FRESH OFF THE FLOOR” 30 Apr 98 Sodekso Security Tightened Cafeteria Adds “Iron Fist” to Students’ Menu Sodekso Manager Reminds Students of Food Mission institute the security and prevent the food outflow starting eight o’clock, day one!” “When students see that ITT badge, I know they will show the utmost respect for the law and leave the food where it belongs!” Since the end of the Fall 1997 semester, many changes have been apparent in the cafeteria--one of which is the addition of a hungry mouth with a shiny gold badge. A single security guard was hired to eat with students to ensure that both cafeteria food and supposed illegal working aliens stay behind the counter where they belong! Before the guard was hired, a lot of concern brewed over the amount of food being removed from the cafeteria and the number of “no habla ingles” from cafeteria workers. ITT responded by instituting the security to reduce the food flow, keep the workers in, and show students that even the ITT staff eats cafeteria food. “Since murder is under control on campus, we have to shift our focus to preventing food outflow, mass-ticketing of both registered and unregistered vehicles, activating our flashers to run red lights, and taking 45 minutes for shift changes,” comments Mr. Mike, the cafeteria security officer. Says the manager, “Students don’t understand. The mission of Sodekso is not to provide quality food--it’s to make sure no one gets in to the cafeteria without a valid I.D.!! Students Respond to Iron Mike The initial reaction to the heightened security brought many comments, including “ooohh!” and “oh no!!” One student even went so far as to say, “look out!” Other students have given non-verbal feedback by cracking pepper shakers, throwing (initally powdered) mashed potatoes on the ceiling, and stacking trays on the moving conveyer belt in hopes of a big loud crashing sound. Many changes have taken place since the start of the new food service Sodekso and more are planned for the future. But the one thing that has remained constant after all this time is the quality of the food and anal retentiveness of the supervisor. Mr. Mike Cafeteria Security Officer “I’m so sick of students telling me they don’t have their IDs and taking food out, that I’m going to teach them all a big lesson! While I can’t comment on the nationality of our workers, let me assure you that we run on a schedule here: play nice and let students take out food when parents are here during O-Week and when it’s over,

2. Got Milk? Sodekso Saves $$ Sodekso Continues to Impress Students with Rash of Milk Shortages Cafeteria to students: “We love to cut corners, and it shows.” Just when one thought the worst thing about the food was the food, try being out of it! It appears Sodekso continues to impress the student body by being out of milk at just the right time! Says one ROTC student (suffering from food poisoning), “I like how every time we come in from morning P.T. at 8 AM, that’s just the time they run out of milk! You’d think after 15 weeks, someone would figure out we should have a milk supply by 8 freakin’ AM!” Other students have given non-verbal feedback by cracking pepper shakers, throwing (initally powdered) mashed potatoes on the ceiling, and stacking trays on the moving conveyer belt in hopes of a big loud crashing sound. One student wept as she commented, “I thought the justice system was the only system that failed me! Well I guess I was wrong--hardcore!” Sodekso officials were quick to respond with, “no habla!” Every business has its secrets for cutting costs and saving the company money. However, Sodekso is a little more obvious with their measures than others. Just when Sodekso tells students they should not steal and take food out the cafeteria, it appears Sodekso is bringing silverware into the cafeteria. Last week when a student went all the way to the check-in counter for napkins and then back to the grill for silverware, he came across an unusual looking fork. Some students were shocked. “I was....shocked,” commented one. Other students have given non-verbal feedback by cracking pepper shakers, throwing (initally powdered) mashed potatoes on the ceiling, and stacking trays on the moving conveyer belt in hopes of a big loud crashing sound. Campus police officials have responded quickly to the situation by scrutining the food service phone list. Among other calls placed, Southwest Property of Sodekso--or is it? Upon closer examination, the fork read, “DELTA AIR LINES.” What it means is uncertain but the impact of it all was. This student had hopes and dreams of working for Sodekso upon graduation. But now the company that gave so much hope and courage to this student let him down--hard! Airlines, Delta, and ValuJet, were found on the list. “At this time, we’re going to eat more non-Sodekso donuts and ticket more vehicles that have been parked in front of the dorms for only three minutes.”

3. Proprieters of Hate Sodekso OJ not OK By “A Very Sane G-Dawg” (Greg) Orange Juice Shortage!! (What else is new??) By Fetus Creepa Mac (Alan A.) Yes, you heard me, they are bad people. They strive to create a division in the ITT community. They were brought here to ITT specifically to do just this. Sodekso is forming a rift between the commuters and the campus residents by pushing all campus residents to eat in the dormatory cafeteria. With the help of Goug Deiger and his Nazi stormtrooper RA's and doorguards, the commuters are isolated within the hub and kept well away from the rest of the ITT community. This conspiracy was designed at the very top of ITT's hierarchy by the shadowed powers that be. Its job is to spurn the impending ITT revolution by tearing away at its foundation and morale. So now I ask you to join me, help me to stop this disaster from happening. We need to counterstrike and take back what is ours. First ITT, then we will help the Scots to kill the limey bastards that still infest their country. FREEDOM!! In a stunning press conference this week, Sodekso announced the existence of a shortage of Minute Maid orange juice at ITT. When asked if the shortage was due to the slacking of Sodekso employees the manager quickly snapped back with this, "Those accusations are completely unfounded and untrue! Our employees always have the orange juice ready and people never have to wait for it to be replaced. The shortage is due in large part to the frosts that occurred in Florida this past winter." This newspaper failed to agree with Sodekso managements' assessment of the situation and set up a hidden video camera to see what the truth really was. The results of this investigation might astonish you so brace yourselves. The video tape revealed not only long lines for beverages but slow response times when Sodekso employees were notified of the shortage. When we tried to confront the food management with the results of our investigation amazingly none of them were available for comment. However many of the Hispanic workers responded with, "No habla ingles?" and "No tenga oranjanado juica!" How many times have you gone to one of their employees and asked them to replace the orange juice? We seem to patrol it more than they do. Perhaps we should be paid for doing their jobs for them, but it is the other way around, we are paying them to give us below par food and beverage performance for a high price. You can sleep well knowing this investigative reporter will not give up the fight to keep our OJ available at all times and make sure that our employees learn english.

4. Commentary ITT Opinion By Abe Rabenewicz Question of the Week: What has the crapeteria done for you lately? Mr. Burns Alumni Food Ethics “Eating in the Sodekso cafeteria has helped me to acquire this healthy green glow you see about me!” Saddam Insane Freshman Mental Psychology “Those UN inspectors will never find my chemical weapons! They’re looking in the wrong place, heh heh! ....... Uhhh... oops.” Jerry Sinefelt Quitter TV Show “I would’ve continued my series TV show but the food has caused me to lose all desire to live.” Mr. Glb Sa Student Group Friendous Extras “I don’t know what happened! I just started eating this stuff and now I feel more... gay (as in happy-gay not the other kind)!! The Sodekso Poop Chronicle By “A South Hall Floor” CS460-051,055 Disclaimer: Any connection between this article and real life are probably not coincidental. ,south@charlie.cns.iit.edu