Yo Mamma

1. Yo Mamma Vocabulary Set 1

2. Yo momma’s so vociferous, she melted her braces! • Vo ciferous {vuh SIF uhruhs} or {voh SIF uhruhs} • Adj. Loud and forceful • Vociferous people emit a constant and loud stream of noise. It’s overpowering. Bobby Knight, one of the most successful college basketball coaches in history, talks to referees vociferously. That is, he yells at them, often in the form of many loud curses, one after another. The Hollywood image of military drill sergeants is one of demanding vociferousness, constantly berating soldiers and intimidating them by shouting insults.

3. Yo momma’s pits are so fetid, she slowed down speed stick! • Fet id {FET id} • Adj. Having an offensive odor • Let’s see, she also made Right Guard turn left and made Secret go public. What else? She made Old Spice die. And, uh, she made Sure reconsider. Those are all the deodorant jokes I’ve got. Fetid means foul-smelling, malodorous.

4. Yo momma is so succulent, she creates her own au jus when she sleeps! • suc cu lent {SUK yoo lent} • Adj. Juicy and tender • Perhaps it’s more dangerous to utter yo momma compliments than insults. One does not like to think of a mother as “succulent.” Unless that “one” is Oedipus. Succulent means “juicy,” though we have yet to see a pair of low-riding sweat pants with the word “succulent” across the butt. Give it time. More generally, succulent can mean delectable, rich in desirable qualities. Meats are often described as succulent, which is another reason that you want to be careful to whose momma you attribute succulence.

5. Yo momma’s hands are so turgid, she uses a hoola hoop as a pinky ring! • Tur gid • Adj. swollen • Things that are turgid: • Uh…body parts that you should cover up! • A bladder….varicose veins… • A swollen broken hand • Certain celebrities’ egos • What else?

6. Yo momma’s so indigent, when she was kicking a can down the street, I asked what she was doing, and she said “moving!” • In di gent (IN di juhnt) • Adj. Extremely poor; lacking the necessities of life • That’s just sad. If yo momma’s sole possession is a can, that is. It doesn’t even sound like there’s anything in the can, or else she wouldn’t be kicking it so haphazardly. Yo momma isn’t just poor. She’s indigent. Indigent means lacking even the basics: food, shelter, cable TV.

7. Yo momma’s so gauche, she ordered her sushi well done! • {GOHSH} • Adj. Unsophisticated, so much so as to make social situations difficult • Gauche people lack social grace and polish. Not surprisingly, this snooty, insulting word is of French origin. Picking your teeth with the corner of a sugar packet, going barefoot into the gas station, and only showering once a week could be considered gauche!

8. Yo momma’s so depraved, she ordered a pizza to a funeral! • De prave • V. To make immoral, to corrupt [n.: depravity {duh PRAV uh tee}, where “Prav” sounds like the “av” in “avenue,” “gravity”, “avalanche,” “avatar” and “cavalcade”] • So this is the depth of yo momma’s depravity. She is both immoral and off in the head. People who are depraved often are associated with worse things than what yo momma does above, actually. (Maybe is she charged the delivery to the deceased—then we’d be getting close.) Corrupt and murderous leaders such as Adolph Hitler often are described as depraved.

9. Yo momma’s so esophoric, her tears run down her back! • {ess o FOUR ik} • Adj. Cross-eyed • In general, we don’t believe in using long, fancy words when a simpler one will do. However, sometimes it’s fun to know the more “official” and “scientific” words for common concepts, whether you’re parodying grandiloquent prose or trying to disguise your insult.

10. Yo momma is so masochistic, she wrote this joke herself! • Mas och is tic {mass uh kiss tik} • Adj. deriving pleasure or gratification from being abused by oneself or others • A Masochist’s Day Planner: 8:00 Wake up, hold hand in waffle maker 8:30 Get dressed in T-shirt that reads “you are with stupid” 9:00 Duct-tape eyelids 11:30 Hole-punch arm 1:00 Have left eye melon-balled by James 1:30: Advanced Sudoku

11. Yo momma’s so diminutive, she uses Chapstick for deodorant. • Di min u tive {di MIN yoo tihv) • Adj. Unusually small, tiny • People often remark on the diminutiveness of actors when they encounter them in real life. You’ve heard that the camera adds ten pounds; it also adds several inches (or, at least, editing and careful angles do). You might not know, for instance, Tom Cruise and Sylvester Stallone are both under 5’8’’ tall, and that Johnny Depp is less than five feet. iPods are getting more diminutive with each generation. When will the fingernail implantipods arrive? Or the umbilipods?