Bullying: When the Environment is Toxic

1. Bullying:When the Environment is Toxic Jean Peterson & Karen Ray Purdue University jeanp@purdue.edu

2. Keeping “Characteristics” in Mind • Sensitivity (re: developmental or family transitions, events, change, relationships, loss) • Overexcitabilities (Dabrowski/Piechowski) intellectual, sensual, emotional, psychomotor, imaginational • Intensity • Stress • Denied, controlled emotions • Control of environment • Protection of Image • “Fix yourself”—reluctance to ask for help • Can’t ask for help/Always ask for help • Bullying—as bully, victim, or bystander • Psychological androgyny • Perfectionism

3. Major Findings Gifted 8th-graders (N = 432) (55 interviewed) 16 school districts in 11 states Sixty-seven percentof all participants had experienced at least one of 13 kinds of bullying listed on the survey, more in grade 6 (46%) than in other grades, and 11% had experiencedrepeated bullying in grade 6, the peak year for multiple incidents.

4. If You Were Bullied, When . . . ?

5. When Bullied—by Gender • Kindergarten 32% males 22% females • Grade 1 33% males 23% females • Grade 2 34% males 28% females • Grade 3 38% males 33% females • Grade 4 44% males 34% females • Grade 5 45% males 39% females • Grade 6 54% males38% females • Grade 7 48% males39% females • Grade 846% males38% females

6. If Bullied, More than 10 Times? Of YES, >10X (Males, Females)

7. Name-calling appearance academic/intelligence (nerd, dork) expletives sexually oriented personality Teasing poor grades appearance family social/economic status intelligence good grades poor grades Pushing/Shoving Knocking books Damaging possessions Hitting/Punching Threats, intimidation Beating up Only teasing about appearance was significantly related to being “bothered a lot.” Being bothered a lot about being teased about appearance peaked in grades 5,6,7 (23-24% bothered a lot by it) Media began to pay attention to female bullying just after data had been collected. What Kind of Bullying?

8. If Bullied: What Kind of Bullying? “Being Called Names”

9. Name-calling: Categories(number of times related words mentioned) • (601) appearance/height/weight 3:1 ratio—weight to height • (518) academic, mental capability Dork, geek, nerd, smarty, teachers’ pet, stupid, idiot, moron, retard, dumb • (129) expletives (associated with 7th, 8th) • (110) sexually oriented (associated with 7th and 8th) Slut, bitch, fag, gay (“In 8th, the favorite adjective has to be gay.”) Interesting: In one upscale district (15% of subjects), 27% of sexually oriented name-calling • ( 92) personality Crybaby, jerk, mean, freak, wacko, loser, snob, poser, skater, crazy, weird

10. Bullied: TeasingAppearance Intelligence Grades

11. Bullied: Other KindsPushing Hitting Books

12. Bullied: More KindsThreats

13. Bullying: Low percentages Low percentages of victimization in regard to • Teasing about family and social status (both peaked at 6%, gr. 8) • damaging, taking possessions (peaked at 5% in gr. 7, 8) • beaten up (peaked at 3% in gr. 8)

14. If Bullied, How Much Did It Bother You?

15. Ever Been a Bully?

16. Ever a Bully?(also more kinds, beginning in grade 6)

17. Ever Think Violent Thoughts?

18. Ever Do Anything Violent?(open-ended question, no definition of ‘violent’)

19. Major ThemesThe “dark side” of “growing up gifted,” and the inner life of gifted children haven’t been studied to a significant extent. • Giftedness is associated with unique vulnerability to bullying. • Gifted victims perceive that external factors cause bullying, but assume responsibility for resolving it themselves. • Gifted children can be highly distressed by non-physical kinds of bullying. • Coping strategies improve with age and emotional repair can occur over time. • Gifted bullies can change their behavior. • Gifted kids try to “make sense” of bullying and bullies. • Being bullied decreases for boys after grade 6. • Intelligence helps some gifted kids to cope (e.g., strategies, “making sense” of bullying). • Gifted children aren’t likely to be harmed physically, but some respond sensitively to other kinds of bullying (and some not).

20. Qualitative Analysis:Themes, continued • Being bullied can contribute to self-doubt, loss of self-esteem. • When the child takes action, has support, makes changes, or resolves the bullying, there is less loss of self-esteem. There appears to be a process of repair when the situation improves. • Being bullied, for some, contributes to wanting to avoid “mistakes,” to “be better” in order to avoid being bullied (an internalization of “fault”?). • “Not being known” contributes to being bullied. When better acquainted, bullies and bullied sometimes can become friends.

21. Making Sense of Bullies(interview comments) “Sometimes, you just don’t like a person, and you don’t want to hang out with him, even if your friends are, so you make fun of him. You find little reasons to make him appear bad. You just kind of exclude him.” “They’re trying to be even with everyone. Everyone just wants to be accepted. Maybe in a weird way, bullying is how they think they can do that—have some power over weaker kids, feel important. We have something that other kids aren’t able to have. I think that makes them want it more. Gifted kids have the upper hand in classrooms. Teachers automatically like us. [Bullies] know the good kids usually get what they want.” “It’s the richer kids [who bully].” “[The bullies are] the popular table. “They didn’t really care about school. I guess they had to find something else to be into.”

22. Making Sense of Bullying • “I’ve heard it’s usually physically with guys. But not as often as stereotypes would have you believe. Girls—I’ve heard that they do more exclusion among each other.” • “I think junior high’s the worst. It probably gets better later. I think we’re the most insecure in junior high, so if they need to build themselves up, they’ll do it more. • (about teasing) “When you’re not bullying, you know when to stop. If you’re a bully, you don’t care.” • “You do it without thinking. Everybody is just around you, and this one kid does something out of the ordinary, and you make everybody feel good and laugh. You get caught up in the moment.”

23. Making Sense of Who is Bullied • “It has a lot to do with physical appearance” • “When it’s not random, they look for loners.” • “Anything that was different, they’d make fun of. The gifted are different, and that’s one of the main reasons—just differences.” • “If they wear all black, they’re teased. There are a lot of people here who are Gothic—they stick together. . . give speeches in class, say it doesn’t bother them. But I think it bothers them some—but they don’t show it.” • “More how they dress or how they act. If they’re smart AND don’t do anything else, they’d be vulnerable—people who are focused, spend hours and hours on homework, don’t do anything with friends, aren’t involved at school otherwise.” • “People that didn’t know me. Some of them are actually my friends now because they know me now. • “Most smart kids I know are good in other things, too, or they’re nice, so people don’t pick on them.”

24. Being a Bully—as a Female • “I was a big bully in early elementary years—in the neighborhood. . . . I just pushed them around and stuff—physically and otherwise. I just always wanted to be the leader, just wanted them to listen to me. They let me know I was bossy. I always needed something to do. I can’t just sit. I got what I wanted, so I was happy with that. But it was kind of a letdown, because my friends were scared of me. I never got to see their perspective on stuff. Then something clicked. Now I horseback-ride. I just need something to keep me busy. I think I changed because I started doing things I liked—in 4th grade. Now I have more responsibility, something to take care of. I think one of the reasons I did it was to see what kind of reaction I’d get in different situations.

25. The Experience of Being Bullied “very helpless. . . couldn’t do anything about it.” “Kinda made me feel like an outsider.” “You feel like something’s wrong with you.” “It sucked. I didn’t want to go to school. Every day was horrible . . . I didn’t like being assigned to groups, because I was always afraid of being assigned to her group. . . changed me profoundly.” “It’s intimidating.” “I think it just basically destroys people sometimes . . . it makes them feel they’re not worth anything.” “It totally bottles them up.” “Scared me a lot.” “A friend said she felt very degraded. Hurt. Just didn’t feel as confident anymore. “I just felt so bad. My mind was telling me, ‘You’re worthless.’ Voices in the back of your head.”

26. The Experience of Being Bullied (continued) • “At the time it was a very big deal. It was horrible. If I had a chance to redo 6th grade, I’d do it different. I hated 6th grade. I was glad it was over.” • “I’m pretty thin. He can pick me up off the ground, and I can’t do anything back. He likes that superiority. Probably doesn’t like that fact that I’m in speeded algebra, so he gets back at me by naming all my faults. Since 7th grade I’ve been teased like “no common sense.” I don’t like it, because I like to think of myself as smart. Embarrassed—about making mistakes. Then I’m sitting there thinking I’m not smart. I was in Boy Scouts and they kind of bullied me there, too, because I was wearing a purple jacket and they’d tease me about being gay. I just wanted to leave—didn’t like it anymore. Now I just want to build up my common sense—so he doesn’t have anything to tease me about.” • (3rd grade) “That year I was in a class where I didn’t know anybody. Before I had always had friends I was close with. That might have made me more bullied since people didn’t know me that well.”

27. The Experience of Being Bullied (continued) • “What people need to understand is that one little incident, saying just one thing—sets off a whole array of things in your mind. If they insult you once, you insult yourself many, many times.” • “5th grade—not an isolated thing. It was all year—probably the worst year of my life.” • (7th grade) “The problem was I had no one to sit with at lunch. It really matters a lot more than you think. I had always changed from at trimester, but [this time] there was no one to sit with—zero. I tried to sit with a new group, and it didn’t work. They could tell I was a lot smarter than they were, and they didn’t like that. I started assuming everyone was like that—got cynical. What I did at lunch, instead of talking to people, I just wrote—had a story going. It was nice, in a way, to have time to write, but I would’ve traded it just to be able to sit with friends.”

28. The Experience . . . (continued) • “I get kind of quiet all the time, saying something over and over inside my head.” • “Sometimes I don’t get over it.” • “I can’t explain it. It just feels like anger inside of me that I want to release.” • “I don’t care if they make fun of me, but if it’s my family, I fight back—hit them in the face.” • “I don’t want to talk about it. It’s my problem.”

29. Sixth Grade—the Peak Yearfor both Bullied and Bullies • “My low point was 6th grade. I thought I was going to be cool, but I wasn’t in any of the classes where my friends were . . . I was at a party one time, and this one kid was roasting everybody. He started going around in the circle, putting them down. He got to me: ‘Look at yourself—turn to the side.’ I took it seriously for a while. . . . Ididn’t have anybody to talk to during the time when they hang out in the Commons area between classes. “ • “In 6th maybe we were so insecure we bullied each other.” • “I was a little bit overweight. I went through a growth spurt—not overweight now. I wasn’t good at sports and didn’t wear the right clothes. The coach says, ‘Man, you’ve gotten a lot better than in 6th grade!’ One guy said this year, ‘Where were you before? You never used to talk.’

30. The Inner-City Experience:Strategies & Protective Factors • “Usually in this school, when someone gets bullied, the victim always talks back. They defend themselves usually. And sometimes that causes a fight.” • (female) “[I told] a counselor. We did peer mediation . . . every so often, a group of us, who also had problems with [the bully]. The counselor would take turns around the circle. After everybody had a turn, we would try to find out the problem and try to solve it. I was put in this American Legion Essay Contest. That took up most of my time, so I tried to stay in focus of that and school. I had a nice teacher. Sometimes, she would take students and we would have lunch in her room. Whatever you said had to stay in the room.” • “In 6th grade, a few of my friends—we took a tape recorder to school, and we recorded her bothering us. Then, my teacher took it and she took it to the principal and the girl got in trouble. It stopped. She tried to be my friend after.”

31. Strategies That Worked • “I got some advice from my mom—try to avoid him if possible. It worked.” • “My mom told me not to worry about it. It’s just 18 years of my life and then it will be over with. • “What’s important is to have parents and family who support you.” • “You have to ignore it, or you’d get really depressed.” • “The principal stopped it right away, and it never happened again.” • “I just stuck it out, got better, got over it. Solved itself.” • “I usually talk to people about it—the person who is the source of my frustrations, or a couple of friends, or a teacher.” • “I’d go home and think about it. ‘Don’t worry about it—it’ll be better.’” • “It’s helpful if you can turn some joke or barb back around. Or say something with another meaning—hard to understand.”

32. Strategies That Worked(continued) • “I was a peer mediator. It really helped me a lot. I use that subconsciously.” • “I usually defend myself—bully back.” • “They say, do you have a life? I just laugh. I’m not different in an obvious way. My personality doesn’t revolve around the fact that I’m good at school.” • “I decided I’m really sick of this. I just kind of worked on it all year. I just got a little more open to people, and they got more open with me, and I just became less cynical. I just acted a lot nicer to people. Sometimes it takes a while, but it will happen eventually.” • “We have this thing called student mediation.” “I try to show them how much it affects me.” • “I do it in basketball and soccer—play more aggressive, knock them down. Violence? Mostly in sports.” • “I try to be more calm now. I used to be in karate—black belt.” • “It was good just to talk.” • “We went to the counselor and talked to the principal about it.” • “My anger. I was the new kid in 5th and 6th—lots of fights. 7th grade I stopped. I knew what I was doing. It was wrong. There’s a better life for me out there, so I stopped it. It doesn’t help anything.”

33. Strategies That Didn’t Work • “I would try to do really well, to overwork myself.” • “Not standing up for myself” • “Pretending like it didn’t happen is pretending like you didn’t learn from it.” • “I told the teacher. She never did anything about it. Thought it was nothing.” • “I should’ve told somebody. But I felt I could do it myself.” • “I didn’t tell anybody. That was stupid.” • “They’re the kind of people that get into fights if you tell them to stop [bullying].” • “Telling someone may help get your feelings out, but as far as getting the problem solved, it doesn’t really help. If you tell, then you’re pegged. People make fun of you in groups now. That’s even worse.” • “I did tell a couple of teachers, but then I got called a tattletale. They’d tell me not to worry about it or don’t make a big deal about it. They’d tell you to stop tattling.” • “I’d just like to say something to them that would be effective, so they would stop. I try to think of comebacks, but none are really good.” • “I wanted to tease them back, but I wouldn’t. I knew how much I didn’t like it.”

34. Thoughts in Response • “Sometimes you want to be mean back.” • “Feels like I’m nothing, no power. Sometimes I take out my violent thoughts on him.” • “You just want to yell at people, ‘Just because I’m smart, doesn’t mean I’m so different.’” • “I thought of doing bad things to them. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to fantasize. My theory is that if you don’t do something to get out your violent side—the people who don’t do that, like Columbine—if they had had an outlet for their anger. Something to do with it was the fact that they could’ve used something to let it out.” • “I don’t think I’ve yelled at anyone. I’ve thought about it.” • “I always felt like punching their lights out—retaliating in any way I could.” • “I can’t explain it. It just feels like anger inside of me that I want to release.”

35. Is Bullying Obvious? • “If you’re always talking with friends, you won’t even see someone losing their lunch money to someone. • “Tons of teasing about being gay. Just walk down the hall, and you’ll hear about 3 comments—’That’s so gay.’ ‘Don’t come near me, Queer.’ Instead of calling people stupid, they say ‘gay.’ So much of what we do—and dress—centers around our sexuality. And they’re forced to hide that—people who ARE gay. Even if they’re not teased, they’re just as outcast as people who are. If people came out, or people assumed somebody was—that’s where the violence would be—pushing them down the stairs. It happens here. They’re being teased about some of the biggest part of a person—that they’re wrong. At this age you want to be included. You want to be normal. And all these people—with their comments—are telling you there’s something wrong with you.” • “I see it a lot. Nothing real serious. Like calling names. After a while it takes its toll. Last year the 8th graders picked on 7th graders I knew throwing in trash cans, calling names, pushing. Nothing like hitting.”

36. Suggestions, Observations for Educators, Parents • [Researcher observation: Many G/T kids may be unprepared for aggression, intimidation, teasing. Include discussion related to this—re: physical and sexual aggression.] • Girl who once bullied: “My parents discipline in ways that are different from other parents. They just channel things in different directions.” [Researcher observation: Be proactive in channeling energy and “leadership” in new directions.] • Create/provide opportunities for students to have social connections within the school community • Do something about it. Take it seriously. • Ask what recess is like—or the lunchroom, classroom, restrooms, hallway, bus line. Be observant. • Pay attention to bullies. They may carry their behaviors into employment, parenting, marriage in the future.